Sex Toys | Mr. Pink's Blog

Rabbi Dildo in Masturpiece Drama

“You wanna make dildos in the image of the Queen, Count Dracula, a genie, and a rabbi? And you don’t think it’ll land you in hot water?”

Despite the protestations I’m sure he suffered through, entrepreneur Shed Simove embarked on his latest and arguably most controversial business endeavor, Masturpieces. Modeled after Her Royal Highness, the immortal blood sucker portrayed by Bela Lugosi, the bottled-up granter of three wishes, and a teacher of the Torah, Masturpieces are dildos produced in limited runs and commanding fairly steep prices.

Now, you might assume it’d be the general Jewish community (as no doubt represented by some self-appointed leading body) that has complained about Masturpiece’s Rampant Rabbi, but fellow adult retailer Ann Summers. Usually associated with the staple of its business, women’s undergarments, Ann Summers also produces the “world’s most popular sex toy,” the Rampant Rabbit vibrator. After Simove’s application for trademark on his Rampant Rabbi was thwarted by a challenge from the retail giant, the self-styled “Ideas Man” simply decided to forgo trademarking his creation. “I can’t trademark it but I’m still using the name. I don’t think there is any confusion between the products,” he told the Daily Star.

What do you think? Should this comedian, “serial entrepreneur,” author, and motivational speaker relent and choose a different name for his culturally irreverent work of phallic devotion or is he cutting it a little too close to a well-known brand and protected trademark? Could you or your ladyfriend possibly mistake one for the other? (Perhaps a side-by-side visual comparison is required. If not, it’s at least an amusing image.)

Aussie Woolworths’ Bad Vibes

Woolworths, Australia’s largest supermarket chain, made a decision last week that will make it more difficult for their everyday shopper, women especially, to leave with a smile on their face. Threatened with a consumer boycott, ‘The Fresh Food People’ agreed to remove Durex Play’s Delight vibrating bullet from its shelves. The opposition to mainstream retail sales of sexual aids is nothing new, but the curious origin of one of the more aggressive complaints is certainly unexpected. Fiona Patten, president of the Australian Sex Party and chief executive of the Eros Association, Australia’s adult industry body, argued that the sale of such aids in supermarkets was patently unfair to adult retailers. “It is unfair that adult shops must jump through myriad hoops to get planing approval and are strictly regulated yet mainstream stores sell the same products without having to adhere to similar regulations.” The regulations of which she speaks include age-restricted admission, a 200 meter proximity limit to schools and churches, and sometimes even blacked-out windows, adding to the already marginalized nature of adult-oriented retail.

Following suit, Coles, another national supermarket chain, has removed from its shelves Durex’s vibrating ring products, citing its awareness of “community concern”. This decision regarding a product with a more flexible target market – although they can and are used by women, the rings were packaged with condoms and clearly aimed at male consumers – comes more than five years after Play Vibrations ring device hit the shelves of grocery stores, pharmacies, and petrol (gas) stations around the country, raising barely an eyebrow on their initial stocking. So, can we deduce these recent withdrawals to be an attack on progressive female sexual awareness? Considering the Sex Party’s stance on freedom of sexual expression, this seems unlikely. Although, the other target of a potential boycott (and possibly legal prosecution) suggests it could be.

Clearly part of a bigger issue concerning Australia’s adult retailers, the Woolworths issue highlighted another outlet from which savvy customers can purchase dildos, vibrators, and many other products from some lingerie stores and pharmacies free from restrictions and regulations. Patten continued, “Adult shops would not stand a chance getting planning permission in such high-traffic precincts [as shopping malls]. Although what the lingerie stores are doing is illegal in many states, I’m yet to hear anyone bringing them to task for it.”

Sexologist Nikki Goldstein has vocally disagreed with the decision of retailers, asking “Why is it so offensive? We are taught to view such products as dirty, naughty, shameful, and outside the boundaries of normality, and that’s wrong. A vibrator is no different to a vitamin in that it does something positive for your body.”

Durex Play vibrating products are still available at pharmacies and adult retailers (and some lingerie stores) around Australia.

Tenga Wanna Be Couple!

Tenga, the Japanese sexual aid producer most well known for its disposable fuck sleeves for men and the myriad styles catering to every possible boner-hugging preference, has now expanded into a market it had previously dismissed: couples.

Vi-Bo might sound like a new age meditative hybrid martial art, but it’s actually a vibrating orb core around which different covers and sleeves can be fitted to create five sexual aids intended for use by couples. Described by Tenga as a “love support item” and designed to “provide an opportunity for couples to share a deeper communication” (read: fuck better), the Vi-Bo Finger Orb, Ring Orb, Hand Orb, Twin Orb, and Stick Orb closely resemble cartoonish vibrating cock rings, phalluses, double-ended dongs, and something that looks kinda like weight training device with two handles. Using a new polymer with high elasticity, the sleeves fit snugly and easily over the Vi-Bo orb (the central component of all device configurations in this line) and make expanding and adapting your range of stimulation as easy as slipping on a condom.

Tenga’s Vi-Bo officially launches October 10th.

Smoke My Bacon, Baby!

Your deep-frier-owning, ranch-dressing-drizzling, Mexican-Coke-preferring girlfriend has said there’s only one thing she loves more than you and it’s bacon and now you don’t know how to reignite the passion of fellatio in your relationship without feeling and smelling like a bona fide pig-fucker? Well, friend, J&D Foods has a product for you: bacon condoms. That’s right, folks, the makers of Bacon Ranch, Bacon Gravy and Bacon Shaving Cream, of bacon flavored lip balm, bacon scented roses, and even bacon sunscreen comes a rubber that’ll “make your meat look like meat”.

For those of you not throwing up your breakfast… J&D’s Bacon Condoms are made of latex but instead smell and taste of freshly sizzled rashers of fatty hog flesh. While I cannot at this time report on how these Bacon Condoms feel against human skin, they also look quite a bit like bacon given the fleshy, meaty design patterned on each, uh, unit. Like most bacon-celebrating products, demand has proven quite high for J&D’s absurd (and absurdly delicious) contraceptive product. Already out of stock after only a month on the market, Bacon Condoms can be yours if you add your name to the waiting list… or hit the supermarket for some DIY porking and poking.