Dear Missy Pink, I feel like I might be losing the interest of my husband and I don’t know what to do. We’ve been married for 14 yrs, and even though sex has always been just so-so between us, still the closeness of the act always made me feel good. He would always orgasm, so I assumed that meant he was happy. About 18 months ago, I was sound asleep in the middle of the night, lying on my belly and suddenly I felt him on top of me, he was like a man I’d never known, his excitement was off the scale. Now, that’s the only way he wants to do it, with him instructing me to not move, but, for me, I feel like I’m an object, not a wife that he loves.
Dear Belly Down Disappointed;
Sometimes I think when a couple fall in love and decide upon marriage, there’s a pre cursor of thought that fills our mind, such as, we are the only thing they need in life to bring them joy, and there must be a parallel pattern to thought patterns that involve everything in life, which includes sex. You admitted your sex life for over a dozen years had only been so-so, but rather than make waves, you found the silver lining to the dark cloud, the intimacy factor and was content. Even though your husband experienced orgasms doesn’t mean it was the greatest pleasure he’d ever experienced, you know what they say about sex, even the worst they’ve ever had was still good.
I’m wondering what facet of your spouse’s new appeal to arousal disturbs you the most. My guess would be the fact that you’re on your belly and unable to experience the eye contact, the viewing of his expression during those throes of thrusting, that is where the intimacy that you mentioned is felt. Of course there could also be the feeling of not really being wanted, but instead, being taken. He is claiming his woman, marking his territory, being a manly man.
There could be many reasons as to why he’s found joy in you lying there, being submissive, while he rules the hardcore scenario, and this does teeter on the fine line of being fetish related. If it were a once in a while sort of dominance on his behalf, I’d consider it sexual play, role model type of interaction and give kudos for this being incorporated into your love-making. But, if this is the only way he wants it now, then the pleasure for you must be plummeting quickly.
It’s time to have a conversation, out of the bedroom, and maybe even out of the house. Go for a ride, stop for a cup of coffee, whatever the case may be and just lean across and softly begin making your feelings known. After 14 years together, I can’t see him suddenly becoming selfish, but I can see him accepting your views and at least considering, even if he doesn’t openly talk about them. Keep the words few in count, but powerful in meaning, you don’t want him to suddenly hear nothing but, “blah, blah, blah,” you’ll want him to take you seriously.
When the sun goes down, bring him up! Take him to the bedroom, shower him with a little extra affection, put him in the mood to show you the same sort of attention, and then prove to him how much fun being face to face can be. A lot can be said for missionary position, so lift those legs high and let him take you in caveman style!