I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it seems like every site that comes under review is essentially the same as the one before it. Does it have HD videos and high-res pics? Does it allow streaming and downloading? Is there anything that’ll cause viewers to pitch a fit of righteous indignation? Then something comes along that changes everything. The kind of site we’ve been dreaming of here at Mr. Pink’s has finally arrived and it bears the name Life Selector.
As you may have already seen in our recently published first review of Life Selector, the site is essentially a Choose Your Own Adventure-style virtual world in which you can play any number of roles, each one taking you on a different path that ultimately (you hope) lands you in the lap and loins of some devastatingly lusty woman, the likes of which you’d never have a shot at in real life. The 124 episodes currently online range in theme from simple stripteases and bedroom romps to lascivious outdoor exhibitionist fantasies that see you meeting, charming, fucking, and pasting a stunning babe in all of 45 minutes. And all this because you’re a virtual business exec who makes all the right decisions on your path to poon heaven.
As I embark on this, my first real, length venture into the world of Life Selector, I decided to choose an episode that echoed the fantasies that’ve been plaguing my mind for decades: A Rock Star is Born. According to the episode’s preamble, if I guide the decisions correctly I could not only go from fledgling amp-destroyer to full-blown rock god and take my band along with me, I could slip my rhythm stick between the thighs of, well… whoever these girls are.
After arriving late (’cause that’s what cool people do), I found my bandmates already bored of the possibilities presented by six strings and ample wattage; they were dumping quarters into a slot machine and drinking beer. Arriving shortly after me, though, was this woman, Simony Diamond, who insisted on blowing me in thanks for the totally wicked riffage I just blasted her face with. But now I’m presented with more options: slap her face, pull her hair, or have her “lick the balls” – what to do?
Without treading carefully, this all could go haywire. After all, how many killer bands were destroyed by dicking around? If I cock-slap this groupie and she turns out to be a bandmate’s go-to, I could be looking for a new stage on which to erect my Marshall stack.
Stay tuned as I vainly attempt to rekindle the hard-rockin’ times of my youth with Life Selector. Folks, this could get trashy!