Missy Pink;
I know it’s usually the other way around, but, for some reason my husband keeps turning me down when I want sex. It’s been happening for the last couple of years, and the other night he told me I was like a sex addict or something, wanting it all the time. He thinks once a week is plenty. We’re in our early 40’s and neither of us should be feeling non sexual at this age, right? I’m not sure if I’m the problem or he is.
Feeling Neglected
Dear Friend,
Well, if you want to take about a hormonal type of reaction to your problem, I first have to say, by no means am I a doctor. With that being said, it would be my uneducated guess that no two people are identical as to when their sex drive heightens or lessens.
A lot of things could be factored in to the bed sheets being cooler than what you’d like. Maybe there’s stress with his job or life in general that’s keeping his libido at a dull roar, or, it could be that some men enjoy being the one to initiate the foreplay and hardcore sessions in the master bedroom, then, there is also the possibility that with it now being football season, he’s more interested in the huddle than the cuddle.
It’s not unnatural, most couples will go through dry spells now and then, and sometimes all it takes is something a little extra special to re-ignite that spark. Some sexy lingerie, high heels, a provocative note left in his briefcase to find at lunch, or maybe a phone call during that 2 pm drowsy time of every afternoon to perk things up. The main thing is to not take it personally, don’t let it make you feel as though you aren’t attractive or he doesn’t want you like he did when you were dating, people change, and part of that change can affect the sex drive.
Maybe do a little soul searching before you approach him for a conversation about your needs. Is it the sex itself that you desire or the closeness? Would a few passionate hugs or the holding of your hand now and then be enough to assure you his heart is still in the right place? Sometimes we mistake hardcore acts for a softcore need.
I find myself telling people, communication is a huge part of any relationship, but before you go into a deep discussion, be sure of what you’re feeling and then be open to receive his feedback. Always make sure honesty is the foundation and compromise will go hand in hand.
Just as you might need or want certain things to stimulate you to the highest level, he’s only human and also has needs of his own. Curb your desire to pounce on him until you know he’s ready to be your pornographic prey, and then slip into your safari frame of mind and conquer the beast within you both!