Gasping at Dildos with Kelly Brook and Keith Lemon

Kelly BrookWhile many in the United States only know her as an insanely attractive walk-on player in such movies as The Italian Job, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and Piranha 3D, Kelly Brook has a long career in her native England, a career encompassing everything from billboard modeling and a stint as a Page Three girl to, well, lunging blindfolded and open-mouthed at a dildo while seated across from fellow television personality Holly Willoughby, whose nickname “Willough-booby” gives you some indication of her talents. Yes, you read that correctly.

That absurdly mustachioed man messing with his lovely lady guests is Keith Lemon, a character created by British comedian Leigh Francis, whose antics revolve almost entirely around his libido and, for whatever reason, he has managed to thrust an erect phallus in front of two open-mouthed superbabes as they bob and weave, attempting to catch a straw (a dildo, a fish…) between their lips.

In comparison, American television’s most recently incident of extreme sexual suggestiveness was, well, Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars. With competition like that, it’s no wonder the Brits, those sexually naive and hilariously awkward Brits, might have us beat this season.

Andrew WK’s Fresh + Sexy Party Plan

Andrew WKPlaytex Products, the company that brought you the ubiquitous pink dish-washing glove, the Gentle Glide 360 tampon, and the Kinder-Grip graphic baby bottle, now introduces something previously unheard of, a baby wipe for sexually active adults, and they’ve chosen a rather odd young fellow to be the official spokesperson for Fresh + Sexy Wipes: Andrew W.K.

The unstoppable party animal, would-be UN Goodwill Ambassador to Bahrain, and avowed shower-resistor known to his parents as Andrew Wilkes-Krier might seem like a curious choice to represent a product intended for genital hygiene maintenance before and after sex, but as the relentless partier is hot on the heels of a tour celebrating the 10th anniversary re-release of his debut album, I Get Wet, maybe it makes perfect sense after all.

Andrew says: “Whether you just finished rocking a packed club or have an intimate encounter after a busy day, this product will make couples feel brand new. Fresh + Sexy Wipes were specially designed to help couples feel confidently clean, before and after they engage in sexual activity!”

All this from a guy who celebrates the accumulation of bodily filth on his all-white uniform and routinely vomits blood on himself after a Taco Bell binge? With Andrew W.K., every situation is an opportunity to party, clean or dirty, naked or clothed.

Andrew WK

Abby Winters’ Brand New Dick

Abby WintersLong time champion of female masturbation and sapphic sex, Abby Winters has announced the production of its first boy/girl hardcore content and, just like everything the company does, they’re doing this a little bit differently than most.

Speaking to AVN, Abby Winters’ CEO Garion Hall, announced that the company has been working on hardcore fare for a number of years and is now ready to launch this latest endeavor. With a decidedly female-centric approach to hetero hardcore, the company pays both performers equally, dwells largely on the female experience depicted, and, perhaps most importantly, only casts real-life couples. “Part of our reason for using real-life couples is to differentiate from our competitors, but it’s also more true to our core values, showing healthy loving relationships,” he said. Vowing to keep the girl/girl and solo girl elements of the site separate from the new hetero content, Hall announced a ‘No Penis’ filter that Abby Winters members can use to block all but the most feminine of scenes and galleries.

There’s more to come, though, and Hall has promised a line of DVD releases will soon be released to compliment the existing all-girl DVD lines. Hall also hopes to gather other producers and companies to join his efforts to arrange an industry-wide market research endeavor, one that could redefine porn for the early days of the 21st Century, an effort focused entirely on finding out (and presumably delivering) the kind of porn women really want. Well, if anyone’s going to do it, it’s bound to be the folks behind Abby Winters.

The first wave of Abby Winters’ latest endeavor can now be seen at abbywinters.com.

When Prince Yahshua Broke His Dick

You’ve not doubt heard horror stories taking place in otherwise enticing, intimate situations that resulted in gushing blood and a trip to the emergency. Yes, folks, the dreaded “broken dick” happens to more men than would admit to it, but there’s one man who’s apparently more than happy to discuss his now fully recovered member’s battle with the break. No, I’m not talking about MMA fighter Ray Elbe who broke his penis fucking his girlfriend in Malaysia late last year. I’m talking about this guy…

Prince Yahshua

Prince Yahshua, who’s official Pornstar Platinum website recently went under the ol’ Pink-O-Scope, was mid-scene, fucking Bethany Benz when he and everyone else on set heard a sharp crunching sound. Blood gushed from Prince’s penis and was later described with the poor fella as being “like five to six people got massacred in the room; not killed, massacred”. Biting his lip to maintain his consciousness, Prince was rushed to hospital where he was told he’d lost a pint-and-a-half of blood and would require 32 stitches to repair his torn urethra.

The doctor who performed the usually 80 or 90 minute procedure took a little longer with this patient, allegedly because he both knew who he was and was a fan of Prince’s work! After three hours under the knife and another three days in hospital recovering, Prince and his new friend, the catheter, headed home for a sex-less recuperation. When I asked the Silverback Entertainment head honcho how long his recovery took, he responded as matter-of-factly as I’m sure anyone who’s suffered such a debilitating and potentially embarrassing injury would…

So, while you might think you’ll be safe from “the ol’ crack and gush” by sticking to standard sexual positions, avoiding additional partners, avoiding larger women, and watching your pre-sex hydration, think again. Prince Yahshua, one of the biggest and hardest working men in porn, broke his dick fucking the gorgeous and slim Bethany Benz (134 lb) in that second most common girl-on-top positions, reverse cowgirl. Clearly, when it comes to broken dicks, no man is absolutely safe.