The Return of Fuck Team Five

These days, Bang Bros is known more for its parade of eager porno newbies and bonafide stars performing in casual, colorful one-on-one scenes. Even though Bang Bus is still going strong, it’s not as often associated with porn culture like it was years ago. Brown Bunnies, Big Tit Cream Pie, and My Dirty Maid all deliver solid HD hardcore on a regular basis, but there are some fans who have missed the more anarchic Bang Bros adventures of old, the kind that had them seen as the scourge of our porn-viewing populace. Those days may be returning, if the recent resurgence of activity at Fuck Team Five is any indication.

Bang Bros

Fuck Team Five concerns, as its name suggests, a crew of pornstars (sometimes five-strong) roaming the streets saving lives and sucking dicks. Well, sort of. Fuck Team Five episodes of yore were kind of like a roving gang of women roping random dudes into impromptu orgies and it seems the new episodes are basically following suit. The first to arrive on May 26, ‘Porn Casting Surprise!’ sees Krissy Lynn, Rose Monroe, and Valentina Jewels surprise a studio waiting room full of male porno hopefuls with a wild, orgiastic audition. Throwing their ample curves around until the handful of guys who manage to get hard are left utterly speechless, this (the return of Fuck Team Five?) seemed almost too good to be true.

Then, four weeks later, another one hit. This time the setup is more familiar. In ‘We’re Taking Over,’ Rose Monroe returns, along with Brandi Bee and one of porn’s most devastating seductresses, Ariella Ferrera, to take over a t-shirt printshop, finding at least one dick to play with but, more importantly, Stella Ray, a curvy, tattooed employee who couldn’t be more down to fuck our three porn goddesses.

We may have to wait another month before the next Fuck Time Five adventure pops up to amaze and appall different segments of the American public, but it’s not like Bang Bros is a network devoid of hugely entertaining HD fuckery, so if you like your porn truly wild and exuberant, go see your Bros.

Bang Bros review

Bang Bros Go Green with St. Paddy’s Double

The one day every year on which everyone (of a certain level of intoxication) claims to be Irish, St. Patrick’s Day, is right around the corner and (if you’ll allow your faithful porn critic to offer his suggestion for your Saturday) the online pornosphere is already donning tight green hot-pants, getting loaded on whiskey and Guinness, and throwing itself at you, the nearest available warm body, in search of some company. What do you say, folks? Care for a boozy romp with two bold new porno revelations courtesy of our ol’ pals the Bang Bros?

Honey Gold

First to arrive at Bang Bros HQ this St. Paddy’s Day season, landing at Bang Bros 18 on Wednesday, was a curvaceous, thick-lipped expert cock-rider, sultry Chinese-American newcomer Jade Kush, who threw herself at her scolding stepfather in lieu of taking her ultra-slutty outfit to a party as planned. Ryan McLane takes the reigns and has the Chicago-born Ms. Kush sliding up and down his glistening shillelagh with the camera capturing some stunning rear-end shots.

Having avoided the total absurdity of much holiday porn in its first offering, Bang Bros leaves it to Brown Bunnies and the always enthusiastic Honey Gold to bring the funnies. Left alone to dress before a big party – perhaps the same one Jade planned to attend; do I smell a threesome? – Honey gives the camera some lusty body-shots as she squeezes into a tight white top and green booty shorts, spied on the whole time by her peeping pervert of a stepbrother. Busting him at her barely-cracked bedroom door, she insists on teaching the little fucker a lesson. peeling off her shorts and straddling his face, Honey forces him to devour her “pot of gold” as, again, we’re treated to glorious low-angle shots of her slender body cavorting against his mouth. Soon, she’s demanding cock and sucking it through a literal pot of (fake) gold, squirting on her nice clean bedspread, and taking her kinda-sorta-relative’s load on her tongue, gold coins strewn about her body and the floor.

Now, I know the lure of free-flowing liquor and shit-faced revelry is strong – believe me, I know, I’m sometimes tempted belt out It’s a Long Way to Tipperary after a few too many Connemaras – but with utter pornographic delights such as the two women featured this week at Bang Bros, who needs sunlight, social activity, or genuine human contact, Irish or otherwise?

Bang Bros review

Bang Bros Revive Party of 3

Bang Bros - Party of 3

A lot can change in a year. Relationships blossom and bloom (or fall apart), the housing market can nosedive, and unhinged radicals can lead the charge to the US Presidency, all in 12 months. Just under a year since its last installment, a classic Bang Bros site appears to be undergoing a revival, one that fans hope will last long into the next year. Folks, let’s welcome Party of 3 back to the Bang Bros stable!

“No dicks to be found here,” begins the Party of 3 site synopsis, “only the sexiest girls with the best bodies exploring each other and making sure there are orgasms for all!” Starring first-timers and veteran lesbians, Party of 3 had been one of Bang Bros’ showcase sites until it stopped updating back in October of 2013. Trios of unfathomably fuckable pornstars combined at this site to pleasure each other in ways most guys can’t even conceive of. And, oh man, the trios (and occasional quartets) really had the small screen sizzling. Alina Li, Sasha Meow, and Eva Lovia all writing around together on a sofa bed in the summertime? Keisha Grey spreading herself to let both Ms. Lovia (before she tied herself to exclusively to Digital Playground) and pale beauty Olga Snow lap at her neatly-tufted snatch? How could you gloss over such accomplishments, Bang Bros, and shelve a site this great?

The departure of Eva Lovia, often cast as the lead lesbian experimenter, from the Bros’ ranks may have had something to do with Party of 3’s drop-off, but things are looking up now that a brand new scene has landed, one starring Uma Jolie and Blake Eden. Yeah, that’s right, the Bang Bros don’t adhere to “rules” or “strongly implied suggestions of three-woman sex scenes,” and chosen to relaunch Party of 3 with a steamy one-on-one seduction. Sure, it’d be nice to see Mercedes Lynn step back into the fold, strap-on lubed and ready, but this is still a promising revival of a Bang Bros classic many of us have greatly missed.

Really, from this point (and I don’t just mean numerical related to its content count), the only way for Party of 3 to go is (along with its viewers) up.

bang bros review