Laughs | Mr. Pink's Blog

Dining with Dicks in Taiwan

Of the many reasons to visit Taiwan – suncake pastries and incredible hot pot; more than 15,000 glorious temples; the incredible Taroko National Park – eating a bowl of rice in the shape of a cock ‘n’ balls probably wasn’t high on your list. Thanks to a recent addition to Taiwan’s theme restaurant industry, though, that’s all about to change.

Funny Sex, located in Lingya District in Taiwan’s second largest city, Khaosiung, caters to a clientele more sexually liberated than your average diner and does so with a touch of the absurd. From the outside, it appears a restaurant like any other, but once you’ve ascended the drab stairway and taken a seat, the erotic elements start to make themselves known. Menus offer informative tidbits about the sex habits and genital measurements of different countries, as well as a plethora of sexually charged dishes. As detailed by Jamie Fullerton of Munchies, the dishes on Funny Sex’s menu aren’t necessarily inspired by sex, but their presentation most certainly is. Take a look at this chocolate pudding:

And this soup bowl:

At Funny Sex, it seems everything edible is penis shaped or housed in a firm (perhaps too firm) pair of breasts. And if the food doesn’t interest you all that much, there’s giant wooden phalluses to ride, blow-up dolls in bondage restraints, and real dolls that can accompany lone diners. Truly, Taiwan’s Funny Sex restaurant is doing the lord’s satan’s Dionysus’s work.

Family Fit – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pink,

I have what might be a strange problem. My husband’s Dad recently moved in with us. We’re in the process of fixing up the basement into his separate apartment, but, until then, he’s sleeping on the sofa in our family room. The problem is this, he is obsessed with online porn and he uses my laptop to log on and then jack off while watching it. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried my best to disinfect the keyboard and casing because there are splatters of his cum all over it. I’m ready to throw him out of the house but my husband thinks it’s funny, saying things such as, “Men will be men!” Either he leaves or I do.

Having a Family Fit

Dear Friend;

I won’t be so callous as to say I know how you feel, because I don’t. Unless you’re an exhibitionist, or a partaker of group fornication, sex is usually a pretty private endeavor, especially when it comes in the form of masturbation, either solo or shared between partners, but, taking the risk of a family member walking in, well, that would be a difficult situation to say the least. Of course, putting a bit of a fetish spin on it means your father in law may feel a bit of heightened excitement by that very fact, the sneaking and possibility of getting caught is always a powerful aphrodisiac.

With that being said, allow me to play the devil’s advocate and voice an opinion from both sides of the situation. For whatever reasons, your husband’s Dad has left the privacy of his own home and is learning to adapt to sharing a dwelling with you and your family. So, out of respect for him, I have to say, I’m sure it’s not been an easy transaction from his point of view either. There’s going to be a learning curve, it just so happens that curve carries the act of masturbation and orgasms that aren’t cleaned up properly. His stress and despair may be lessened by sexual release in the form of jacking off once he thinks the family has turned in for the night, and, unless he takes the laptop to the bathroom, locking the door behind him, there’s probably not going to be 100% privacy.

I can certainly understand your despair over the situation, not to mention frustration with your husband, who has seemingly incorporated the, “That’s my boy!” type of pride in his Dad. For him, that’s an assurance of his own fate in years to come, if his Father still jerks off often, then he assumes his sex drive won’t decrease with age either. Of course that doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not being very understanding to your concern and anger.

Unless your relative is spending too much of his time enjoying self stimulation, to the point where it’s unhealthy, then, I would say approaching the topic with him may cause a family rift, and humiliation that may be irreversible. He may feel such embarrassment over knowing you are aware of his middle of the night cock cravings that sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner will hold a lot of tension in the air. Not to mention, even speaking of it with him could leave you red in the face and stammering. And by all means, don’t lash out when you’re angry, things can be said that won’t have a way to take back.

My honest advice to you would be, put a fire under getting that basement converted. Whoever is doing the construction work, tell them to put things into high gear so he has his privacy, it will be a win/win situation for both sides. Set up his own computer, make sure the wifi has him connected and then close your mind to what goes on downstairs while you’re upstairs. I realize cleaning up spattered sperm of your Father in Law is not something anyone would particularly want to do, so, expedite the living quarters.

Tell your husband if his Dad continues to cum, you’re going to go!

#cocksinsocksshocks

Awareness raising charities have never been more prevalent than they are now – see recent hubbubs over Lady Gaga’s youth empowerment-focused Born This Way Foundation and Jenny McCarthy’s anti-vaccine Generation Rescue and that whole Pink Ribbon for breast cancer campaign started by the Susan G. Komen organization – but until recently it had seemed most campaigns that took to social media for disbursement were mainly spread and supported by women posting make-up-free selfies and supposedly leukemia-focused cleavage parading. The fellas have finally joined in the fun of (reported) fundraising, snapping selfies that, save for a well placed sock, would be utterly, totally naked. And it’s all in the name of raising awareness of testicular cancer… or prostate cancer… whichever one you like, I guess. (As a movement, it does seem a little unfocused.)

Now, far be it from to claim a double standard when there are so many held against women but not us men, but why does it seem perfectly acceptable in the eyes of so many vocal Instagram and Twitter users (and, if you believe they’re legitimate, Buzzfeed commenters) that all men depicted in the celebratory articles are tall, fit, muscular, and, largely, tattooed and sporting some kind of hip hair style, cranial or facial? Isn’t spouting “Hot damn… Um.. please excuse me while I change my panties ;p” in regard to the valiant effort of brave, selfless men exposing their most vulnerable states to an anonymous global audience a little, well, sexist? Wouldn’t the same comment be downvoted to all hell if posted by a man in response to, say, #titsinmitts? Way to treat us like pieces of meat, ladies! And exactly how does Buzzfeed, HuffPo and other news and content aggregators racking up millions of page views (and advertising dollars) on the backs of these boys and their barely-sheathed tackle help fight… whatever cancer is allegedly the focus here?

The Sexiest Rabbis of 2013

Circumcised? Spun a dreidel? Enjoyed the works of Woody and Groucho and Larry David but had to contend with gentile friends who just didn’t get the anxiety-ridden humor? You, my friend, might be a jew and, as a reader of this blog and (presumed) supporter of the sex industry, might wanna check out Jewrotica’s list of the recently ended year’s hottest Jewish religious leaders. No. I’m not kidding! Here it is, folks, the only (and therefore utterly definitive) list of the Sexiest Rabbi’s of 2013.

The main list of 10 Torah teachers included both men and women and, unfortunately for most of our readers, the pollsters saw six men to only four women. But when those three women include a “whip-smart” guitar-playing radical Chicagoan (Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann), a “queer yeshiva” founder who teaches “the sexiest bits of Talmud as well as the driest” (Rabbi Benay Lappe), a PhD-equipped author of “Hebrew Priestess” books (Rabbi Jill Jammer, PhD), and an American living and working (and getting arrested) for adoptive, sexual and religious rights advocacy in Jerusalem (Rabbi Susan Silverman, big sister of comedian Sarah), you know you’re talking about some incredible women. They’re not exactly as open and explicit as porn’s most famous Jewess, Joanna Angel, but Ms. Angel isn’t likely to refer you to Maimondes, “Yad ha-Ḥazaḳah, Ishut,” xxiv. 6 when you’re experiencing some marital anxiety, either.