Bitcoin vs Goat

BitcoinHaving outlined the various adult entertainment companies now accepting payment via controversial cryptocurrency Bitcoin in a previous missive, I’m pleased to announce that we’ve covered the less hilarious parts of the discussion and we can now turn our attention to goats.


In a move that surprised everyone (except perhaps those lifelong goat herders who’ve spent hours upon hours attempting to elucidate their fellow man as to the appeal of Capra aegagrus hircus, the domestic goat), Zero Tolerance announced that it would not be joining the ranks of Bitcoin-adopting adult websites and, in fact, that it was far more likely to start taking and making payments in horned livestock than in any faddish cryptocurrency. And it kinda makes sense, too. After all, with the largest Bitcoin market offline (Silk Road).

As Zero Tolerance’s Michael Mpahlca declared in his pseudo-manifesto, “We have ‘Zero Tolerance’ for make-believe money that spikes or craters in value on an hourly basis. On the other hand, goats have proven to have real value for centuries and can easily be traded for other goods or services in just about every region of the world.” (So, goats rule in Vietnam then?) Mpahlca continued his missive: “When you look at the relevant livestock pricing index you can also quickly see that the goat market, unlike Bitcoins, moves for intelligible reasons grounded in logical and trackable analytics – something all prudent online adult companies take seriously in our planning.”

While the usefulness, even necessity of goats has long been thought to have an impending expiration date, this particular horned livestock has, according to AVN, “remained one of the most efficient methods of clearing fields, providing milk or calming other animals.” Mpahlca confirms ZTOD’s stance on payments made with goats in the final lines of his statement, easing the minds of affiliates and colleagues everywhere. “When someone sends their traffic to ZTOD, they will get paid every penny, euro, or goat they are entitled to – every time – and neither their hard-earned revenue no ours will be subjected to the rampant speculation and market fluctuation that plagues the Bitcoin world.”

Bleat that, Bitcoin!