Category: Missy’s Sex Advice

Dear Missy Pink,

Why can’t my boyfriend and I be on the same page in the bedroom? I like wild sex, where I can turn myself loose and really enjoy the experience, but he says I’m acting too slutty and then calls off the whole episode, leaving us both sexually frustrated. I don’t mind using toys and masturbating, I’ve always done that, but the real thing is needed too. I’m not sure what to do, other than look around for someone else that fits my horniness.

Aroused and Alone

Dear Aroused;

First of all, kudos to you for “taking matters into your own hands,” and by admitting you do. Masturbation has always had a huge taboo cloud lingering overhead, and it’s a shame. I think it started when we were growing up, scolded by someone that may have caught us with our hand around our cookie jar, making it something dirty and to be kept secret. There’s nothing wrong with getting in touch with yourself, a quick release through the middle of the afternoon never hurts, but, it’s also nice to know when the sun goes down, there will be a cock going up!

One thing people seem to forget is everyone is different, no matter how much alike our partners may seem, and the similarities are what caused the spark when you first met, we are all unique, so, we need to find strength in the differences as well. You said you enjoy being wild during sex, but is that for every time you slip between the sheets, or just on those nights when your hormones are raging and you have the need to have sex and not just make love?

Some men enjoy a woman that takes control, the one that kicks off her sneakers and slips into stilettos, digging them into the sheets and riding his erection like it’s an unbroken stallion, and then, we have the men that is led by their ego for erotica, they need to feel they’re initiating things, and doing in the way that makes them feel manly, or, it just doesn’t work, and instead of hearing heavy breathing, you hear snoring.

Just because he’s not responding to your ways doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, nor does it mean he doesn’t want you, he just wants things a bit more tame, you want them more wild, so, like every other aspect of a relationship, compromise is called for. Spend a day together, hit your favorite nature path and go for a long hike, talk about whatever comes to mind, share dinner in a casual restaurant where you both feel comfortable and then let the conversation turn to the intimacy part of your relationship. Let your partner know you’re not going to leave him just because he’s not willing to sound proof the bedroom for when you climax.

He may, for one reason or another, hold more inhibitions than you, which doesn’t mean his style of sex is wrong, or right, it’s just different, so embrace it and work it out. If you get along in all other aspects and you see a real future, then being open in your communication and even offering to be a bit more reserved if he’s a bit more assertive, a meeting in the middle if you will, is more than worth the effort.  So before you dig your teeth into his neck and kick the lamp off the nightstand, let him brush your hair back from your face and tenderly lick your nipple. Go for the give and take method of sexual pleasure, it may save your relationship and lessen the amount of money you spend on batteries for your sex toys!

Dear Missy Pink,

My husband and I have been married almost 5 years, and our sex life has remained multiple times a week, even spontaneous quickies on top of that, so we are very sexually active. They recently changed his work shift to where he’s gone all night and since I work days, we don’t see one another much. He has a computer at work and wants me to use the webcam on our laptop to live chat with him. He’s expecting me to masturbate and tease him while he watches, but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Not only could someone come by his cubicle and see what’s on his computer, but, I am a bit old fashioned and private, enjoying our bedroom, not technology. I’m afraid if I don’t do it, maybe he’ll find someone that will, he has a very high sex drive. I’m not sure what to do.

Computer Wife

Dear Wife;

First of all, kudos to having a husband with a high sex drive, and having that drive aimed towards you, even if it does include the computer. It’s apparent, you are the one that peaks his erotic interest, he wants to see you performing for him, while thinking of him and talking to him, … a rare trait, and one to be appreciated.

With that being said, maybe you could explain things to your horny hubby as, it’s not that you don’t want to turn him on while he’s at work, showing you’re missing him as much as he is you, but you want your excitement to show only to him, you don’t want to feel the possibility of a stranger viewing your open thighs, that is for him only. That will not only boost his ego, but also reaffirm his trust in your marriage. Being playful is great, adding spice to the bedroom, or the office, whatever the case may be is a commodity well claimed for keeping things alive between couples, but, it has to be stimulating for both or there’s definitely going to be something lost in the translation. It’s hard to be turned on when you feel you’re being tuned- in by others.

It seems to me the point of origin for your worries is the fact you’re like two ships passing in the night now, so why not drop anchor when convenient for you both. If he arrives home early in the morning from his shift, and you’re in the process of awakening and preparing for your day of duties, before you slip into the shower, slide back under the sheets, make love and use up those precious minutes to feel mutual intimacy. If he’s ready to walk out the door as your coming home, set down your purse and then drop to your knees, give him a quickie of oral pleasure and then pat his butt, hand him his dinner bucket and send him on his way. That will keep his mind occupied while at work!

Couples need to be creative, and I’m sure his ideas didn’t disgust you, just made you apprehensive, so, think a bit further out of the box, let your mind go wild with opportunities for bringing the closeness back into your life. You have the most important things going for you already, fidelity and desire, so work to keep those embers as a blazing inferno!

Missy Pink,

Being a woman, you may understand my actions and help me to calm my husband down. I have two best friends, we talk about everything, including our sex lives. I just happened to make a comment in passing the other evening to my husband about the intimate talks with my gal pals, and he was more upset than I’ve ever seen him. He’s not touched me physically since, says he doesn’t know if he ever can again, the only thing I’m getting is the cold shoulder.

Blabber-Mouth

Dear Blabber Mouth;

You’re right in one respect, being a woman, I do understand you sharing those private details with your best friends over a bag of Oreo’s and a diet soft drink, it’s an easy thing for females to do. We talk, about everything, to gain insight, to brag, and at times, just to hear ourselves say things aloud, but this time it may have back-fired.

Chances are, you’ve been speaking of what goes on between the sheets with your confidants for quite a long time, which makes me wonder why now you had a slip of the tongue. Maybe to see what his reaction would be, or maybe just a subconscious way of letting him know he’s being graded by your girlfriends. Either way, sometimes silence really is golden.

Just a simple, “Girls do this all the time,” is not going to suffice, in fact, it will probably make him angrier and more hurt, because as his wife, he probably expected something more from you and now he feels betrayed. Part of that is male ego, the other is the unspoken bond of believing what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom. So, yes, I can understand his pain to a point.

Nothing short of groveling is going to restore his libido at this point, I’m talking all the tears you can muster, and the most sincere expression as you promise it will never happen again. Will your fingers be crossed behind your back when you make that promise? Only you will know the answer. It may take a bit of time, but he should begin to soften around the edges a bit and hopefully work his way around to total forgiveness, that’s his way of smacking your fingers for misbehaving. If he doesn’t accept your apology and goes on with holding back on the boner, well, then it could be his own pride may be the only thing keeping him company on these cold, wintry nights. Prove to him you’re genuinely sorry, then let him work it through the rest of the way on his own, if he never does find the path back to the bedroom, then something tells me the only thing he’ll be heating up will be TV dinners, because there are times when women will be women, you don’t always understand us, but you’re still welcome to love us!

Missy Pink,

I’m beginning to wonder how many people share the same bed as me and my boyfriend. He’s wonderful and perfect in all areas, except the sexual part. He has a habit of comparing me to his past lovers all the time, just because I don’t always have an orgasm, telling me it must be me, he never had a problem with any other woman, I’m feeling like I’m not good enough for him.

Dry and Disappointed

Dear Dry and Disappointed;

You said your boyfriend is perfect in all areas except sex, but, in my opinion, he’s definitely lacking certain attributes and they happen to show at that particular time. In the first place, if he, and other men for that matter understood that not every woman in the world has the same make-up when it comes to receiving pleasure, the world would be much better off in the bedroom.

Believe it or not, there are actually women that find it nearly impossible to climax at all, and I’m not just talking about during intercourse only. Each female, and male are an individual, and maybe it’s time you find someone that is a bit more understanding and wise in the ways of how a relationship works. There’s a reason why so much conversation revolves around women faking orgasms, and if you’re trying to save your boyfriend’s ego, or live up to the ghosts of girlfriend’s past, then by all means, breathe a little harder, toss a throaty moan in here and there, lift your pelvic area and make him feel as though a rush of estrogen filled juices are flowing over his male member, he’ll roll over, start snoring and have sweet dreams…thinking he’s the stud of saturated sheets. Chances are, that’s what many of his ex’s did as well, so he’s not as good as he thinks.

So what if foreplay takes a little longer, what if his tongue needs to work a bit faster on your clit, or maybe an extra few minutes for passionate kissing is called for, when you care about someone, you want them to be satisfied, not under a pretense, but rather reality. Many times women seem to get the short end of the stick (pun intended) when it comes to assuring our needs are met, if not, there wouldn’t be such a high surge in battery sales!

Chances are, he’s handsome, makes a great conversation piece between you and your gal pals, and maybe brings you flowers now and then, but there’s more than that – that will make him a keeper.  If his past lovers have faked orgasms to keep him in the love nest, then he probably believes he’s every woman’s answer to satisfaction, so, in order to keep his batting average high, he’s going to make you feel inadequate. Do not let this happen! There’s nothing wrong with you, and in no way should you ever be compared to anyone’s previous conquest, that says volumes for your boyfriend, and none of it equals an adjective of, “perfect,” as you used.

Think long and hard about sharing your bed with others from your boyfriend’s memory, or, if you can handle things as they are now, then at least assure yourself they aren’t lying there smoking a cigarette with a big smile on their face, they probably still have an ache in their loins and wonder what the hot, next door neighbor might be doing in the morning. Stick to your guns, educate him, if he still refuses to think the problem might be his approach, then you have to decide what’s more important. Never be judged, never be made to feel like you’re second best, and never be unhappy to keep him living a fantasy. Instead of being dry and disappointed, find the person that makes sure you’re wet and satisfied. Comparisons work between apples and oranges, but even fruit will spoil and needs to be tossed out now and then!