Category: Missy’s Sex Advice

Dear Missy Pink;

I’m really enjoying your column, and decided to send you a question of my own. My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost 9 years, there’s no piece of paper binding us, so it’s not a marriage rut, but for some reason the sex isn’t like it use to be. When we were dating, it would last for hours and we couldn’t wait to be back in bed again. For longer than I care to mention, it’s now gone to just a quickie on Saturday night, no real lead up to the excitement, just more of a roll over, roll off and then the snoring begins. Where has the passion gone?

Timing Out in Bed

Dear Timing Out,

Your question is one that’s probably been asked since the era of cavemen.  You said you weren’t married, but, living together means you share the same sort of routine, scheduling and lifestyle, that is missing only that piece of paper, so, even though you haven’t walked down the aisle with the scent of tossed rose petals before you, you’re basically a spouse in the house.

You broached the question as if your boyfriend carries sole responsibility for things not being as they were, but, let’s look at this in a logical sense. It’s no one’s fault, it’s environment and time. When you’re dating, it’s the newness, the excitement, the exploration of learning about one another, the responsiveness and arousal is all on extremely high levels, which maybe if the sexual endeavor lasted for only an hour, it felt as if it was all night long.

It’s not that he’s grown tired of you, or you’ve grown tired of him, it’s just that you’ve gone from making love to having sex.  You’ve grown accustom to one another, so, there’s no sense in preheating the oven when you can slide the meat in and have it done on a quick broil setting. The foreplay use to be centered around the bedroom, now it’s spanning into writing out the monthly bills, figuring out menus for the week, calling the garage to have a tune up done, all of those every day duties that call for your attention but bring no passion with them.

If you want stamina, then proceed with choosing a day and making that day work for you. Put a naughty note in his lunch bucket, wrap a pair of your sexiest panties around his steering wheel to find when he leaves for work, text him a message through the day that just says a simple, “Thinking of you and feeling hot.” Let his mind churn all day long about the past passion you shared, have him in a state of a semi-erection, and then when he gets home, leave a trail of your clothing to the bedroom. Don’t let him rush through things, have on sexy lingerie, do a little bump and grind with the bed post, bring strawberries and champagne into the scenario, turn on his mind first and foremost and his body will surely follow.

There’s no set in stone time for how long sex should last, it depends on how long you want it to last. Bring him up and to the edge, and then tease him without the pleasure of the pinkness between your thighs, make him really want you to where when it does happen, it will sound like the 4th of July in your head, the orgasms will be so powerful.

Sometimes when a partner needs more from the other, they have to exercise a little work to make it happen, but it will be worth it. Keep the moisture building motives working, seduce him on a Wednesday and then promise him more kinkiness on Saturday, he’ll think about it for the rest of the week and be looking forward with anticipation. Play sexual games, turn on your feminine charm, make him want you the way he did when you were dating, before you know it, he’ll be participating as well and you’ll reap the rewards.

Forget trying to put a measurement of minutes to your foreplay and sex, leave the egg timer in the kitchen where it belongs, the main thing is getting him hard boiled and then simmering on a slow heat until you both are ready for eruption. The playfulness will bring back memories, mixing that with your years of comfort you’ve built will make the experience even more erotic. Close the drapes and open your minds, it’s never too late to share healthy horniness!

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Dear Missy Pink;

I’m a little embarrassed to be writing about something like this, but, it’s not anything I want to talk to my friends about, too much humiliation for that.  My husband and I have been married for nearly three years, and, believe it or not, I was still a virgin until my wedding night. It wasn’t easy to wait, but I was determined, and he understood, even though he would tell me after many dates that he was going home with a case of blue-balls as he called them. I am not naïve, I assumed he masturbated, but, I thought it would stop once we tied the knot. Our sex life is good…and often, still in the honeymoon stage, but part of the foreplay seemingly must include him touching himself, and it bothers me so much. I’ve told him time and time again that he shouldn’t have to do that, and shouldn’t even want to do that, but he just smiles, gives me a kiss and then continues as if I’ve not voiced my disgust. It’s gotten to a point where it ruins the entire love making session for me, I just want it over with and I never have an orgasm any more. Am I being a prude?

High and Dry

Dear Dry;

You would actually be surprised how many times I’ve heard friends voice the same complaint about their mates, either they incorporate it into their sexual sessions, or they’ve caught them in the bathroom with their hand….in their cookie jar. It’s amazing the height of jealousy, bitterness, and downright anger that women feel over this act, especially when such a high percentage of the female gender has a battery operated friend hidden in their panty draw for those need-for-nookie times their husbands know nothing about. They never catch on the Duracell’s on the store list every couple of weeks is not just for keeping the smoke alarms in working order.

Why do you feel so threatened over your husband doing a little masturbation in preparation for the boner business he has planned for the two of you? Most women find it a turn on, in fact, many couples enjoy mutual masturbation, it’s showing their open side…and thighs, which is a turn on for both parties. One thing to remember, for approximately 95% of the population, when the puberty bug first bit, it was their own hand that did the swatting, it’s like an old pair of blue jeans, it feels so comfortable sliding into them, it’s only natural their hand will follow.

It’s as if they’re cumming home to an old friend, and if your husband feels comfortable enough doing that in front of you, maybe you can try looking at it from the angle of comfort as well. It’s not like he’s wasting himself by droplets into his belly button, you’re still getting the gonad goods, try to turn your mind around to stimulation, imagine him doing that during your courting time after leaving you with a kiss at the front door under your porch light, you drove him to the erection, as you still are, so consider it a compliment, not something to be repulsed by.

Let him stroke his cock a bit, you stroke his ego, and by all means, release your inhibitions and allow yourself to experience an orgasm again, if not, you’ll be clipping coupons for batteries, to keep your own toys buzzing beautifully. When it comes to masturbation, you just can’t beat it!