Category: Missy’s Sex Advice

Missy Pink,

I’m a female, in my early 40’s and have never been married. Actually I’ve only had a couple relationships in my life that lasted more than a few weeks. I’m more than self sufficient financially, I have friendships and activities outside of work, my life is set in a mode that I feel more than comfortable with, and, I truly have no desire for a relationship, I never have. I’m not wanting to sound like a snob of some sort, I just don’t want to deal with the hassle of answering to anyone, being home at a certain time, or, suddenly feeling as though I have someone in my life other than myself to take care of. Of course, I also enjoy sex, often, but the type with no strings attached. I meet men in bars, at work, social gatherings, social networks, etc., but, none of them are more than a one night stand. I’m obsessed with stranger sex, and, it’s to a point where even I am starting to worry about myself. I don’t feel like I’m in a “normal” frame of mind anymore, am I wrong?

– Quick Satisfaction

Dear Quick;

First of all, allow me to say kudos for you being at not only a well established point in your life, but, also for knowing what you want, getting it and enjoying your inhabitance.

Forgive me for making an assumption, but, the sound of your letter led me to think you have sex quite often in the means you described, and, if that’s the case, there seems to be a definite control issue living and breathing within you. You’re meticulous in explaining how secure you are in most every aspect of your life, you made it happen, and it sounds as if you work very hard to keep it that way, but, that control is also sifting into your sexual prowling.

I don’t think I really have the need to mention the obvious, in the form of the “stranger danger” scenario. Times have changed, and even though there has always been a bit of a red flag when it comes to sharing intimacy as a one night stand, it seems it’s risen in the possibility of things possibly going terribly wrong. I doubt there’s a person alive that hasn’t fantasized about that one time, just being penetrated with a complete and total, wild abandonment, by someone we don’t know and feel sure we’ll never see again. To shed any inhibitions and for once in our lives just cutting loose every ounce of lust and letting the moment consume us, but, when it’s become a lifestyle of choice, that says there could be a problem.

If you don’t want a relationship, that’s understandable, but, keep in mind, there are men in the world as well that enjoy the, “no strings attached” sort of scenario, but, also want to feel monogamous, not wanting to be with something so promiscuous, for fear of sexually transmitted diseases and such. Find someone, both of you have testing to be sure you’re disease free and then call each other your fuck buddy, you can keep a one on one sexual status and still not have the hassles of cooking for two and folding boxer shorts as part of your Saturday, laundry ritual.

If it’s the thrill and almost fetish nature of the type of sex you’re having at this time, and you don’t think you can stop, then I would have to highly recommend some sort of counseling. There’s nothing Pollyanna about the world today, don’t deceive yourself into thinking, “It could never happen to me,” it can happen to anyone. There’s more than one way to practice safe sex.

Ms. Pink,

When my girlfriend and I began to get serious about one another, we talked about our past sexual relationships and were completely open with each other. She hadn’t been with anyone for nearly four years, after coming out of an abusive relationship, before meeting me. We click well together, and have for almost eighteen months. Our sex life has become more infrequent and when I asked her about it last weekend, she said sex just doesn’t excite her anymore, she loves me for me and not the orgasm. I love her too, but, I still need the orgasm, but I didn’t want to make her do something she didn’t want to do. A few days ago, while she was at work and I have the week off, I decided to start on some remodeling projects we’d talked about, I thought that would put her into a better frame of mind. As I started taking things from drawers to move cabinets and such, I began finding a collection of sex toys. There were dildos and vibrators hidden in the bathroom and then I found more in our bedroom and even in the kitchen! I feel like she’s cumming, she just doesn’t want company when doing so! I don’t know how to feel.

Not So Good Vibrations

Dear Not-So-Good,

First and foremost, don’t let your treasure hunt for toys cast a shadow on your manhood, I truly don’t believe that’s what you’re dealing with.

You said before meeting your girlfriend she’d not been intimate with anyone for quite a few years, which tells me, she probably utilized the act of solo masturbation as her release from tension, and sexual arousal, which, as we all know is nothing to be ashamed of, or considered taboo. That was her avenue for satisfaction, she may have found personal comfort in the self induced pleasure, and, it could be, she’s grown so accustom to that – that is her go to comfort zone. We can be creatures of habit in many ways. There is a large part of the female population that’s unable to achieve orgasm through hardcore intercourse, and for each of those women, the cause is just as individual, but, for some, it’s all in what you become use to.

Your girlfriend, by your own sharing of information, came out of an abusive relationship, and, with masturbation, it’s done on your own timing, your own place, and means, without the thought of letting yourself down or your lover, it’s just those few minutes of stolen excitement and pleasure that keeps a world turning.

If you haven’t approached her yet about the sex toys you found…don’t. She’ll be humiliated, embarrassed and possibly even angry, which will cause other issues within your relationship. Give her time, romance her, sweep her off of her feet, let her know how much you care emotionally and the physically may begin to feel more appealing to her. If you love her, then it’s time to exercise patience. You may be taking matters into your own hands until things either work out, or otherwise, so, buy a few extra batteries and toss them into your junk drawer, in case she needs them, and maybe pick up a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues for yourself.

Missy Pink,

My wife and I have been married for 7 yrs. Our sex life is good, our marriage is good. We’re both in our mid 30’s and are pretty open when sharing what excites us in bed, but, for the last few months I’ve been fantasizing about gang banging, with her being the only woman. I haven’t mentioned it to her, only because I’m afraid of what her reaction to that might be. We share kinky things, but this might be over the top. Have I become too perverted?

The More the Merrier

Dear Friend;

Have you become perverted? “No.” Are you human? “Yes.” I think the key word you mentioned in your question to me was, “fantasizing.” There’s a big difference between what flows through your mind for excitement and what is actually reality.

Sex is like everything else that consumes our lives, we’re always looking that bit of something extra to put it over the top. For instance, something as mundane as cooking dinner, a recipe that’s been made maybe dozens of times, we find ourselves adding a new ingredient, just to spice it up a bit, add a little difference so you don’t take a bite thinking, “Damn, this is a repeat of the exact same thing we had two weeks ago.”

When we first discover sex during puberty, the only thing needed to achieve an orgasm is a secluded place where our parents won’t find us, while we look through the underwear section of a catalog. But, as we get older, what was once new, becomes old and it takes a bit more to really put the razzle into our dirty dazzle. Sometimes, when masturbating, the thought of a woman you passed on the street might be enough to manifest a scenario in your mind that will have you oozing sperm over your helping hand…but, then there may be a time when you suddenly have to incorporate that same lovely woman into something like a BDSM scene, where she’s shackled to an old dungeon type brick wall, totally naked, with clothespins on her labia and someone torturing her with a vibrator set on high speed. The mind is truly a magnificent organ.

If you truly have no intentions of wanting to slip into the role of being either a participant or maybe even a cuckold husband, and it’s merely fetish thoughts to put you over the edge, then there’s no cause to keep it a sexual secret. Tell your wife first and foremost that it’s only a role play type of bedroom aphrodisiac, and who knows, she may entertain the thought and add her own spin to things, talking dirty in your ear while you assume a missionary position, telling you of all the shafts she’s servicing while you watch and jack off.

Variety is the spice of life and fantasy can be the spice for sex. With a mutual understanding and an open mind, there are no limits to lust.

 

Missy Pink,

Prepare yourself for an odd sexual issue. My boyfriend and I have lived together for nearly 3 years, and, we complement one another beautifully, he’s the yin to my yang. Daily life and nighttime adventures have always been more than pleasing…until lately. A little over a year ago, he proposed marriage, of course, I accepted and we have been working on the plans and such, all of which we’re enjoying tremendously. But, his personality has gone through some odd changes, especially during lovemaking. He now talks! Now, I don’t mean saying dirty things that would spice up foreplay and orgasm, no, nothing like that, he talks about things such as what he wants for dinner the next night, how bad the traffic jams were that morning on the way to work, mundane and what I see as very odd topics when I’m trying to concentrate on cumming. These things could be discussed over the dinner table, but not while he has my legs over his shoulders and my libido on the rise! How do I tell him to shut up and fuck me?
— Blabbing In The Bedroom

Dear Friend;

Well, it certainly sounds as if you have a chatty fiancé! From the way you expressed your issue, things sounded almost storybook or fairy tale perfect, UNTIL the topic of marriage and the wedding plans began. Whether you realize it or not, you stated a timeline that is a huge insight into what the problem might be, one that I think you may already have considered, but possibly want to hear it from someone that’s not sharing the sheets and the weekly menu with you.

It could be that your boyfriend is feeling some anxiety, uncertainty and/or fear about the approaching wedding. You yourself mentioned how in sync the two of you have always been, nearly three years of a fairy tale romance, which tells me, if you’ve been feeling such jubilation, then, your boyfriend has felt the same way, more than comfortable in how things are. He may be experiencing a bit of the cold feet syndrome, worried that once the “I do’s” are uttered and the birdseed has been tossed, things are suddenly going to change. You know the old saying, “Sex changes after marriage, you’re suddenly in bed with a relative.” He could be feeling the growing pangs, and they aren’t the type to bring you closer together.

By complaining about the traffic situation or making it clear what he’d like to have on his plate the next evening for dinner, it sounds like he’s making his place in the relationship known. He may be living these days by the thought, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” He needs to be convinced that having his signature on the marriage certificate isn’t going to change the way life has been all along with you. It was the love the last 3 years has created that brought him to the point of proposing, now it’s time to assure him, it can only get better over the next 50 years.

It’s time to talk, get counseling, whatever it takes to ease his fears. Go for more oral sex, he certainly can’t talk with his mouth full…so keep him between your thighs as a reminder of what good times are yet to, “Cum” through married life.