The Further Adventures of James Deen

James DeenIn all my years as a sexually active heterosexual male, I have only twice occasioned to obtain biblical knowledge of a partner who held more than a vague curiosity in the pornographic arts. One of these women had numerous sexual problems – anorgasmia, bouts of frigidity, “Daddy issues”, and compulsive self-degradation – while the other was the polar opposite. Able to orgasm almost at will, this woman – we’ll call her Miss. B – enjoyed watching porn by herself, with friends, with lovers, and pretty much whenever she was mildly bored and slightly horny. I discovered this not by her asking me to watch porn with her, but because of a flippant remark she made regarding my alleged resemblance to her favorite pornstar, Mr. James Deen.

Widely regarded as one of the most likable dudes in porn, James Deen, a 27-year-old native of Pasadena, has been lighting up the skin-filled screen for nearly eight years, appearing in a reported 2000 films. In that time he has not only filled the mouths, pussies, and assholes of porn’s most popular women, but charmed his way into the hearts of a legion of female fans. So famously endearing, Deen even attracted the attention of ABC News, supposedly due to the abundance of these female fans.

As reported by Nightline’s Cecilia Vega, Deen remains unaware of why he appeals to so many young women, supposing that it might be his so-called “everyday” looks and personalities. Whatever the reason, his appeal has led to an AVN Award for Male Performer of the Year (which he won at 23, making him the youngest recipient in history) and has even attracted the attention of comparatively mainstream filmmaking figures like director Paul Schrader (Mishima, Blue Collar, Auto Focus) and writer Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, The Rules of Attraction).

Collaborating on a film noir to be set in Los Angeles and produced under a “micro-budget,” Ellis and Schrader seem like a perfect match, both having dealt with the harsher sides of American life in much of their work. Thanks to Ellis’s Twitter-habit, word got around that he considered porn’s everyman, James Deen, to be his first choice to play the lead in the pair’s noir project, in which, according to Ellis, “nudity and acting is a must.” Additional information on the project is still under wraps as it continues preproduction, but Ellis let slip that he met with Deen and called the well-endowed burrito and anal sex fanatic “super-smart, funny, perfect for the part,” also saying “if he doesn’t get it I’ll be very disappointed.”

So will Miss B., Mr. Ellis. So will Miss B.

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Netbox, Quickflix, Vidster?

VideoBoxUnless you’ve been living in an Amish Paradise for the last few months, you’re probably aware that Netflix has been alienating and frustrating its remaining customers with price hikes, service changes, elapsed licensing deals, and generally tumultuous and upsetting behavior. Now CEO Reed Hastings has announced a split that will result in Netflix ceasing DVD rentals to provide streaming video alone, with new off-shoot company Quickster handling all physical media. Customers are outraged.

Over at VideoBox, on of the most consistently well reviewed adult video sites on the ‘net, and surely one of, if not the largest, customers are also voicing their dissenting opinions. Having months ago launched a trial beta version of something called VideoBox 3.0 (or VB3), the massively popular site only recently made the official switch to the new format. Customers have called the new, feature-laden design both a commendable innovation and a reason to leave the site:

    – “Please, let me know when you are sunsetting VB2 in time to cancel my subscription.” – Jim

    – “I don’t like the VB3 interface as it gives me less control over the content. This whole transition seems pointless.” – jfro21

    – “What pisses me of the most is vb3 is so slow compared to vb2 and it is a hassle to download anything. vb3 seems geared more towards streaming than downloading.” – Nathan

    – “Love the improvements, don’t think I’ll need to go back to VB2 anymore.” – TDK

    – “Love it, VB2 what?” – Dante

    – “Bravo guys. Now we’re cookin… Lubrication manufacturers everywhere are cheering increased sales projections.” –  Shawn

So, after months and months of revisions, modifications, and adjustments, it seems VB3 is on the verge of being VideoBox members’ only browsing option. While some will petulantly throw in their membership cards for try to find a comparable alternative (not likely), I’m willing to bet most will stick around for this exciting new phase of VideoBox’s continued domination of the online video porn game. It seems Netflix (or is that Quickster) could learn a thing or two from porn providers, after all.

A Plethora of Parodies

Rezervoir Doggz“The Kutch” is now on Two and a Half Men, The Simpsons might be getting its own cable channel, and big-name brands Pan Am and Playboy are the focus of two new shows from ABC and NBC, yet television is still struggling to pull in viewers who insist that, Spartacus and True Blood be damned, there still isn’t enough smut on TV!

Where mainstream TV networks fail, though, the porn industry picks up the slack and the recent onslaught of adult titles parodying television and movie staples should provide enough spanking material for any couch potato. Marcia’s Twat: A XXX Brady Parody came out in May from Powersville, Inc. and starred up-and-cummer Jessie Andrews in the title role. Game shows finally got the parody porn treatment with the blandly titled but lavishly produced Official Deal or No Deal Parody from Third Degree and, in quite a bizarre move, Zero Tolerance brought two volumes of a hardcore (and all-adult) version of To Catch a Predator. God only knows what Chris Hansen would say about that!

The big screen has been receiving its fair share of parody treatment, too, with such horror titles as Official Halloween Parody and Official Silence of the Lambs Parody, superhero-themed Spider-Man XXX and Captain America XXX, the special effects extravaganza Pron (parody of Tron), and, oddest of all, an ultra-violent, profanity laden hardcore remake of Quentin Tarantino’s debut film, here titled Rezervoir Doggz, which replaces the original’s all-male cast with Andy San Dimas, Chanel Preston, Kimberly Kane, and Amber Rayne giving performances of which AVN said “truly transcend… what any adult actress should really ever be expected to be capable of.”

Freddy Goes Fingering

A Wet Dream on Elm StreetDirector Lee Roy Myers is back at it again with another nightmarish follow up to The Human Sexipede, his XXX parody of cult horror hit, The Human Centipede. As reported by horror movie site Dread Central, Myers next project parodies one of horror’s most revered icons, Freddy Krueger. A Wet Dream on Elm Street, due for release on September 29 (just in time for Halloween), is a concept Myers is sure will go down marvelously with the parody-loving porn-viewing public, saying “It’ll be funny, sexy, dark and very, very different. This is the porn parody that I always wanted to do…Freddy, with dildos on his fingers!”

A Wet Dream on Elm Street pits a dildo-fingered “Freddy Fingers” (Anthony Rosano) against Jennifer White, Gracie Glam, Charley Chase, Giselle Leon, and Sophie Dee in what promises to be a nation-wide frat-house hit. Teaser images have already started causing a stir on the adult blogosphere with some keyboard-pounders even going so far as to declare 2011 the beginning of a “golden age of porn parodies.”

A Wet Dream on Elm Street - Original

What then, Tumblr, Twitter, AVN et. al., do you make of this…