Esquire Crowns Queen Mila

Mila Kunis may have started off with a small role in Baywatch way back in 1994 but she’s now regarded as one of the sexiest young actresses in Hollywood. In fact, she’s just been christened the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire magazine.

Mila Kunis

The men’s lifestyle bible’s annual charting of the ups and downs of models, actresses, and celebrity personalities who’ve made our knees quiver settled on Kunis as the preeminent babe of 2012 not just because she’s got the bangingest body or flashes the most sultry, come-hither looks, but because she’s “the most beautiful, opinionated, talkative, and funny” movie star of her generation. Discussing her career and relatively young life (she’s 29) with Esquire’s Ross McCammon, Kunis suggests her story of immigration to superstardom is not unlike those of many other young Jewish women living in Los Angeles’ Fairfax district, albeit without the fame and all that comes with it. Her fetishized story of emigrating from Ukraine to escape anti-semitism has contributed much to her aura of worldliness and cemented her place, for better or worse, as one of the more “exotic” American starlets in Hollywood today. Of course, her signature smokey eyes, husky voice (which has wormed its way into millions of American homes via her character Meg on Family Guy), and intellectual leanings (she follows international politics, especially that of Israel, quite closely and enthuses over her bookcases: “Check out these bookcases!”) don’t hurt one bit.

Still, there’s something vague and distant about Kunis. It’s as if she wants to play at being down-to-Earth while remaining closely guarded, even distant. In the end, though, she took off her shirt for Esquire – you can see the full photoshoot here – and for most guys, that’s all that matters.

Officially Sanctioned Spider-Porn?

Some of you no doubt know him as either The Amazing Spider-Man or yet another R-Patz clone, but Andrew Garfield has never really sparked a dot on Mr. Pink’s radar… until now. After briefly discussing porn names with journalist Matt Patches of, Garfield admitted to watching Axel Braun’s recent web-slinging sex-fest, Spiderman XXX: A Porn Parody for “inspiration.” Yeah, whatever, A-Garf, like you didn’t shoot some webs of your own while ogling Brooklyn Lee’s Mary-Jane, a character who didn’t even make it into his relaunch flick.

“You can find inspiration anywhere when it comes to this character because ’cause it’s everyone’s; it belongs to everyone, porn actors, you know…” Garfield explained while continually fondling his own chin in a remarkable display of self-pleasure before following Patches’s lead into more family-friendly areas of discussion. Hey, these two instant pals can ignore the issue all they want, but if the dude playing Spider-Man is openly admitting to gleaning acting inspiration from porn, that sets a monumental precedent. Robert Downey Jr. has a long history of decadence so maybe the next Avengers movie will feature Downey’s Iron Man utilizing some less violent technological wizardry, perhaps to bed Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow. Who knows, maybe the next movie will see my favorite female Avenger, Ms. Marvel, added to the cast and perhaps played by Battlestar Galactica’s Tricia Helfer. Throw in the ferocious humanoid-feline Tigra (Michelle Rodriguez or Eva Mendes anyone?) and you’ve got a pretty damn intense level of sexual tension running around the big 3D-outfitted cinema come Avengers 2.

So, Joss Whedon, allow me to introduce you to a little flick called The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody.

A Parody You Can’t Refuse

Godfather XXXThis summer, director Lee Roy Myers and DreamZone Entertainment make you an offer you can’t refuse: a XXX parody of Francis Ford Coppola’s legendary breakthrough film and one of the most lauded achievements in American dramatic cinema, The Godfather. Although rather unimaginatively titled, Godfather: A DreamZone Parody, nonetheless looks set to blow away viewers with the story of the Whoreleone family, headed by the Dong (Peter O’Tool). As a porn war between families heats up and looks to explode, Dong Vito Whoreleone accelerates his family’s sexual aggression and confirms his hold on the illicit underworld gradually forming in American society.

The Don also puts his son Michael (Tommy Pistol) in the unenviable position of underboss; an assignment that doesn’t sit too well with Michael’s lady, Kay (Kagney Linn Karter taking Diane Keaton’s role and very nearly fulfilling one skinematic fantasy of this writer’s). With April O’Neil, Tommy Pistol, Jessie Andrews, Michael Vegas, Anthony Rosano, Mr. Pete, Bridgette B., and superhot up-and-comer Veruca James rounding out the cast of this hardcore mafia epic, you can be sure bullets won’t be the only thing flying across screen in this flick.

Available on DVD July 24th, Godfather: A DreamZone Parody is sure to fit nicely into that man-cave movie collection, taking place alongside other classic Lee Roy Myers porn parodies of Romeo & Juliet, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and A Wet Dream on Elm Street. Hell, this XXX Godfather DVD will even make a great substitute for The Godfather: Part III, taking that particular cinematic disasters place in your Coppola-approved Godfather box set – and your lady (or mother) will be none the wiser.