Gambino, Bang Bros, You Adore Abella

Porn has always been about the stark marriage of two different images or entities: the man and the woman, the penile and the vaginal, the black and the white, celebrities and graphic depictions of their most private moments, the discharged liquid and the receiving solid. (The overly obvious “big dick” and “tight hole” also applies.) Now, one unlikely combination of talents sexual and muso-comedic has resulted in a hip-hop video with a decidedly unusual erotic twist.

In the following video you’ll hear Childish Gambino (a.k.a.: Donald Glover) declare his undying fondness for a particular lady and see the marvelously constructed Abella sexily move around the window of an online webcam chat as Glover’s words appear in the chat field. Met with plenty of xs, os, and emoticons, Glover’s spiel doesn’t have an especially deep effect on Abella, but it does incite her to dance seductively and that’s enough for this guy (meaning me) and that guy (meaning Childish Gambino) both. Care to lay your eyes on Abella’s sultry swaying?

Childish Gambino’s unfortunately lifeless delivery belies his intended emotional core, leaving ‘3005’ an infantile and directionless jab at a witty hip-hop devotional. It’s left then to Ms. Anderson to entertain and that she does, gyrating her red bikini and white t-shirt-clad frame in a cyber-striptease for the author. Anyone who’s seen her ace work for some Bang Bros can surely agree that Abella’s almost as scorching in tease as she is in full carnal swing, making her work here with Childish Gambino a must-see even if the track falls flat.

Abella Anderson’s role in ‘3005’ also ties nicely into a promotion currently being run by her not infrequent employer, Bang Bros. Offering their members the chance to win $1000 of free webcam credits (to be used on Bang Bros Chat), the BB crew ask only for your participation in their weekly raffle, the winners of which can indulge in live webcam shows with pornstars, amateurs, and plenty of Eastern European chicks – on the house!

If that doesn’t constitute proof of both Bang Bros and Ms. Anderson’s relentless devotion to keeping you aroused and entertained as only the best online porn can, what can?

(*Although, it must be noted that upon clicking the posted “Interested in our no purchase necessary option,” all I arrived at was a link-less sentence (“Also learn about our no purchase necessary option here.”) insisting that, although notably absent, a ‘no purchase necessary’ option did indeed exist. For this slightly evasive and deceitful promotional stunt , fellows, I’m afraid you’ll have to part with actual (virtual) currency to the tune of $1.35!)

Joanna Angel Needs Pants

Joanna Angel & The GigolosIf there’s two things Joanna Angel really seems to understand it’s sex and rock ‘n’ roll. As a longtime fan of hardcore punk, metal, and basically any music with balls, Angel has featured the music of up-and-coming bands in her Burning Angel movies for years. And now she embarks on a musical adventure all her own, performing on a song recorded for the soundtrack to upcoming Burning Angel flick Band Sluts.

Curiously titled ‘Gimme Some Pants’, the song is the first work by Joanna Angel & The Gigolos and combines synth lines and an eminently danceable beat with crunchy guitars and nutty lyrics about, uhm, pants. The Gigolos accompanying Angel on her newest musical endeavor aren’t just hired hands or local friends, they’re Small Hands and CL Lewis of Houston-based pop-punk band Fenix TX. (Small Hands is also Angel’s boyfriend and sometime porno co-star.)

Don’t go expecting Joanna Angel & The Gigolos’ material to be as risque as Burning Angel’s movies, though. “Even though some might perceive a sexy element to the band,” Joanna explains, clearly referencing the single’s booty-baring sleeve artwork, “I didn’t want the songs to be specifically about sex. You can see and hear enough of that stuff on Burning Angel. These are just fun songs that we have a good time writing and recording; having fun is the main goal!”

And, as anyone who’s seen such Burning Angel classics as Cum On My Tattoo, Evil Head, and Joanna Angel’s Cumtastic Cookout know all too well, Joanna Angel is all about fun. Ribald, raw, raunchy fucking fun.

‘Gimme Some Pants’ is out now on iTunes and Amazon through Gypsy Diamond.

Being Ambitious (Within Reason) in KPOP

Dal ShabetFan reactions were dismissive when CBS issued a memorandum requesting “buttocks and female breasts [be] adequately covered” for its broadcast of the 2013 Grammy Awards in February, essentially amounting to “If Rhianna wants to show her underboob, we wanna see it!” And, true to expectations, there was plenty of cleavage, thigh, and lower-back on display throughout the ceremony. In South Korea’s thriving pop music industry, however, even second-tier artists find themselves subject to sexual censorship.

Dal Shabet (meaning “Moon Sherbet”) is a six-member girl group signed to Happy Face Entertainment, the company founded by producing duo E-Tribe, the pair responsible for Girls’ Generation’s super-massive-hit ‘Gee’, arguably the song that pushed KPop into the global consciousness, have been the subject of censorship demands from TV station SBS, who objected to the allegedly provocative lyrics of the group’s latest single, ‘Be Ambitious’. The objectionable lines – “When is [our relationship] progressing to the next level / Going home even when drunk / Are you really a man? / Are you being shy?” – were accepted by the MBC and KBS, the two other major TV stations on which Dal Shabet were booked for promotional performances, but SBS insisted and eventually got the changes they requested. The new lyrics – “Do you even find my aegyo (cutsey behavior) cute? / Why do you keep looking at the clock? / Look at me / Do you really like me?” – are definitely not as provocative as those deemed questionable, but apparently that wasn’t enough for some of those rejected the message of ‘Be Ambitious’, one of women demanding the attention and affection they crave instead of being taken for granted or ignored entirely.

The Korean title of ‘Be Ambitious’, ‘?? ?????? ??‘ translates to ‘Look at My Legs’ and it’s clear from the amount of lower limb skin shown in the group’s concept images and music video that Serri, Jiyul, Ah Young, GaEun, Woohee, and Subin were going to attract ample attention from fans and detractors both for their flashy new image. (Dal Shabet have historically been something of a whipping boy for netizens’ frustration and bile, unfairly so.) Somewhat surprisingly, though, the second prominent demand for censorship came not from the entertainment industry, but from a male rights group called Man of Korea (MOK). Claiming “the lyrics and music video of ‘Be Ambitious’ depreciate both women and men, and it’s harmful to the youth,’ MOK has requested the song be banned from further distribution, also claiming the song will induce “sexual assault from the youth by planting the wrong influence about women and sex” and citing scenes in the music video allegedly “depreciating the 60,000 soldiers” currently serving South Korea as similarly deplorable.

Gee, you’d think a national pop industry known for celebrating the ridiculous and outlandish (and the female leg) would recognize a work of satirical pop greatness when it roars onto the Gaon charts!