Dear World, Goodbye! – Lisa Ann

Pornstars seem to be retiring left, right, and center these days and the departures in the last two years of legend Jenna Haze and legend-in-the-making Alina Li, it can feel like we’re losing superstar after superstar. Then comes a retirement announcement from a star so prolific and popular that it sends shockwaves through the entertainment world, adult and otherwise, leaving fans and followers to wonder where their pornographic future is headed without the one and only reigning MILF supreme, ol’ “Nailin’ Paylin” herself, Lisa Ann.

lisa ann

Taking to Facebook on Monday to announce her impending retirement directly to her fans, Ms. Ann, an AVN Hall-of-Famer with over 400 titles to her credit, said she was finished with this phase of her life and career and will be effectively retired from porn work come January 1st of the new year. This from a woman who really has done everything porn has to offer. After starting her on-screen career in 1993, Ann quit only four years in due to an AIDS scare. Returning first as an agent and then as a performer in 2006, Ann went from strength to strength, earning herself a reputation for being the most dynamic and desirable ‘mature’ performer in U.S. porn. Grabbing national headlines with her portrayal of 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in Hustler’s ‘Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?’ only increased the superstar’s notoriety and led to her acceptance into the ranks of porn’s few genuine crossover stars. Now with her own show on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio proving to fans (of fucking and football) that she’s as observant about sports as she has been about the porn world.

According to Ann’s handwritten letter, it’s fantasy football that will keep Lisa Ann in the public eye from now on as she devotes herself to regular Monday broadcasts of Lisa Ann Does Fantasy for SiriusXM and aims to become a bigger part of their operation. Football might not be the first thing that comes to a man’s mind upon seeing this woman, but Lisa Ann is arguably one of the most prominent fantasy football personalities around today, at least to certain kinds of fans. (And, hey, she’s already been very publicly banging at least one football stud, Notre Dame wide receiver Justin Brent.)

You can read Lisa Ann’s full ten-page retirement announcement on her official Facebook page and listen to her discuss her plans on SiriusXM’s Soundcloud page. Be sure to catch Lisa Ann Does Fantasy every Monday at 10pm ET on SiriusXM radio and keep a keen eye on Ms. Ann’s Twitter feed so as not to miss a single iota of her remaining adult work before she shuffles off to the land of off-screen sex and making men’s dreams come true in a totally different industry.

Lisa Ann – Evil Angel

Beatin’ on a Budget! with Team Skeet

In the days leading up to the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa season, saving money is on everyone’s mind. Whether lining up for early morning Black Friday retail chaos or scouring the Internet for the best online bargains, there’s many, many ways to shop well and save a decent chunk of change, perhaps to spend on yourself. So, what Christmas present will you be buying yourself this year? One filled with nubile sluts, drooling deep-throaters, exotic black and Latina babes, and the newest inductees into porn’s ranks of 2014 rookies? Oh good, I see you’re familiar with Team Skeet then!

team skeet

Skeeters (as I like to call ’em) are folks devoted to 19-site porn network Team Skeet, folks who usually pay $28.97-a-month for access to this teen-heavy sexual playground. And now, just in time for the holidays (when you’ll no doubt jump ship from family room to den/garage/car for a little sanity), Team Skeet is inviting anyone who’s never indulged to do so for a pretty paltry price: $9.87-a-month!

“Hey, Pink? What would I get get if I was one of these ‘Skeeters’ you speak of?” Well, buddy, Team Skeet is home to 19 websites – Exxxtra Small, Innocent High, Teen Pies, Teen Curves, She’s New, Teens Do Porn, Lust HD, Step Siblings, POV Life, Rub-a-Teen, The Real Workout, This Girl Sucks, Teens Love Money, Oye Loca, Teeny Black, Titty Attack, Her Freshman Year, Self Desire, and Solo Interviews – and they serve up all kinds of powerfully explicit sex acts in dazzling High Definition videos, many updating weekly. Sure, some of the sites are no longer updating at all, but this is network porn we’re talking about – that’s always the case! The Team Skeet model roster is as impressive as the network is large – 1,765 scenes at writing and five-to-seven new ones arriving weekly – and features such dazzling dick-wranglers as American cuties Riley Reid and Ali Rae, Chinese Alina Li, African-American babes Ashton Devine and Chanel Heart, and promising newcomers Ava Taylor, Halle Von, and Dakota James. With ladies like these working their magic on the Team Skeet small screen, the origins of this network’s name are no mystery, that’s for sure.

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The Math:
At the introductory price of only $9.87-a-month, Team Skeet has never been more affordable or irresistible. The 19 Team Skeet sites work out to individually cost less than 52¢, an amazing price even for the oddly included European sites Lust HD and Rub-a-Teen. With 1,765 scenes online, it’s clear Skeeters have plenty to ogle, admire, and enjoy here and at a great price, too: individual scenes cost an astonishing .005¢ each! Truly Team Skeet has gone bonkers for bargains this holiday period, either that or they’re all skeeted out and simply acting irrationally. Hey, all the better for us, right?

One tip before you rush off and get yourself into some skeetastic trouble, though: under this promotion Team Skeet memberships automatically rebills at close to full price ($24.87). You’re getting one month of Team Skeet’s treasures for less than ten bucks, but keep an eye on your end-date if you don’t wanna get hit with a twenty-five-dollar charge… although, even at that price, Team Skeet’s well worth it.

Mr. Pink’s Team skeet review

#BreakTheInternet with Bang Bros, Brazzers

Kendra Lust and Nikki Benz parody Kim Kardashian

A few weeks ago, Paper Magazine unleashed what has arguably proven to be its most important issue, but it wasn’t the articles contained within that courted controversy and saw readership expand thousand-fold, it was Kim Kardashian’s ass. The images are now legendary, having been passed around the Internet on seemingly every social media and news platform. In fact, the shots of Kardashian’s oiled rear end have even inspired a SNL parody starring Nicki Minaj and prompted one SAT prep company, Catalyst Prep, to use the most famous backside on Earth to gussy up math questions on an otherwise humorless paper. Now it’s porn’s turn.

Bang Bros site Ass Parade released on Monday their parody of Kim K’s now infamous cover shoot, casting the exquisite Kendra Lust and her astounding derriere and coming quite close to matching the styling of Paper’s shoot. With pearls wrapped around her neck and hanging from her earlobes, hair piled in a high wrapped bun, and wearing only the skimpiest black-and-white lingerie, Ms. Lust looks very much the part as she poses for the Ass Parade camera. Enter Mike Adriano and commence ass-eating, double-cumming, and a creamy facial that seals the deal.

Not one to be beaten on novelty, Brazzers enters the fray on New Year’s Eve with the much-hyped casting of Nikki Benz in Kim K’s place. Standing tall in a black sequined dress that amplifies her already amazing curves, Benz balances a champagne glass on her ass before sliding her dress down to reveal her cheeks. Enter Keiran Lee and commence… well, we’re not sure yet since the scene’s still under wraps until NYE. Talking to XBIZ, though, Ms. Benz let out a few teasers: “During our scene [Lee] was making me cum so much! I was so horny I just asked him to do something I haven’t asked another male performer to ever do, and he was more than happy to comply. I don’t want to reveal what it is yet. I guess you guys will have to stay tuned to find out!” For Keiran’s part, he called Benz “one of the all-time greats of porn” and promised her fans and his would both love this Brazzers pairing, declaring it “one of the most intense scenes I’ve ever performed in,” and confirming Benz’s adventurous performance ventures into new territory and will show fans “something they have never seen from Nikki Benz before.”

If those hints are hinting at what I think they’re hinting at, I have a feeling the esteemed ZZ might be right: if Kendra Lust as Kim Kardashian won’t #breaktheinternet then perhaps Nikki Benz’s new exploratory scene will.