Missy Pink,
I always heard honesty was the best policy, but when my wife asked if we could do something different in the bedroom to spice it up, I said, yeah, talk dirty to me! Now she thinks I’m some sort of sex freak and won’t talk to me at all!
Speechless
Dear Speechless;
First of all, you’ve heard right, honesty is the best policy, it just doesn’t go on to explain how it will be perceived in many situations, and in yours, it sounds as if it wasn’t perceived well.
The fact your wife isn’t speaking to you at all now doesn’t mean it’s from pure anger, she may just be mulling over your suggestion and trying to come to grips with it in her own way. We have to remember, what may be a turn on for one person is frightening to another. Yes, frightening. Depending on how your wife was raised, and what her beliefs are, she may see your love-making sessions as being more sensual than sexual, and by you wanting her to talk dirty, it throws a fetish spin on things that she may not feel comfortable with, and that does not mean she’s completely against it, but, like anything new, it takes some getting accustom to.
She probably had the immediate thought of slinging four-letter words through the darkness of your bedroom, making her feel cheap, and at the same time, knowing that it would be exciting for you has possibly caused her to look at you differently. It seems a situation like this calls for steps of approach, the first being, opening the communication again, normal talking around the dinner table, it’s easier to say, “Pass the potatoes,” than to shout, “Fuck me hard!” Buy flowers, send her candy, find a nice card, soothe her ravaged soul to begin with. Once things are back to normal, she’ll probably approach you about the reply to her question, this is where you should handle things with with caution, don’t rush into anything.
Explain to her that when she asked the question, because you love her and feel as though she’s your best friend, you had no qualms about disclosing something a bit different to spice things up, but that you apologize for being so blunt. Tell her you wish you’d expressed it as sharing conversation while making love, such as, being vocal about what you’re doing and when. Example; “I’m going to unbutton your blouse now and feel the softness of your skin under my fingers.” There’s nothing dirty and disgusting about that, just alluring. Explain that maybe it would be better if she was the one to hear the things rather than rushing into saying them. By all means, assure her you didn’t mean hardcore four letter words. Something tells me if the playfulness begins in a softcore manner, they may very well lead into the spiciness that you’re hoping for.
Remind her that she is the only woman that turns you on, and to hear her voice while being passionate was merely meant to stimulate another of your senses, you didn’t mean for it to come out disgusting or disgraceful, but only if it would excite her as well.