October’s always an exciting month and not just because Halloween gets more sexually provocative each year. Many porn sites and networks kicks into high gear around this time, putting forth their best work before awards season rolls around. This week at Mr. Pink’s we scoped out major and minor porno players, went from BBW’s pushing body acceptance to complete female submission, and published brand new reviews of Gangbang Creampies, Fat Girl Fantasies, Subspaceland, and the network that just won’t stop fucking ass and boning dames, Brazzers. Come back next week as we endeavor to uncover more pornographic gems as only Mr. Pink’s can.
It can happen at the most unexpected moments. You’re watching some news broadcast of dubious credibility or catching up on crappy British reality television and – boom – Jenna Jameson appears out of nowhere, having been well and truly off your pop-culture radar for months, even years, to bless yet another curious celebrity enterprise with her sparkling wit and impressive array of cosmetic modifications. Immediately the mind races through its memories of the woman who just might be the most famous pornstar of all time and tries to recount the steps that led to her latest public appearance. And, when she once agains hits US headlines after being booted from the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother show, looking remarkably different from the Jenna we knew in her prime porno years. So, Jenna Jameson, what the fuck have you been up to?
Since 2012 has split with former UFC champ Tito Ortiz, losing custody of their twin boys, told Larry King she’s “always been extremely Catholic,” flip-flopped from Clinton to support Mitt Romney in the 2012 Presidential election (“When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office,”), acted as PETA spokesperson in an anti-KFC campaign, and allegedly assaulted former assistant Britney Markham with a brass-knuckle-iPhone-case-stomach-punch at an LA salon after Markham claimed Jameson was hooked not on the rumored Oxycodone but on Ambien, Xanax, Suboxone, and booze. Jenna has also had a few run-ins with the law, charged with three misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence of alcohol and other drugs after being arrested in Westminster California upon introducing her Range Rover to a light pole. Stuck with three years of informal probation, Jenna seemed to lay relatively low for a world renowned porn superstar. That was until she once again made headlines, this time for her relationship to 41-year-old Israeli-American jewelry store owner and convicted insurance fraudster Lior Bitton, who even has the good little Catholic girl converting to Judaism!
It’s the Brits, though, who’ve had the juiciest dose of Jenna of late, courtesy of Celebrity Big Brother’s sixteenth season. With a rather porn-heavy cast crowned by Ms. Jameson, the long-running 24/7 reality-fest saw her bunk and bond with fellow former onscreen fucker Farrah Abraham (#TeamJarrah #CBBUK) before JJ was booted on Day 27, mere hours before making the finals. Always controversial, Jenna had her fair share of haters in the crowd, receiving an equal number of cheers and boos from fans the broadcast of her departure. See for yourself here, but I warn you, it’s not exactly pretty…
What’s next for Jenna now that she’s back on US shores and pining for her gal pal Farrah? Why she’s fielding endorsement offers and Instagramming a shitload of memes, just like everyone else!
It’s almost Halloween, which means it’s almost Thanksgiving, which means the season for spending big on your loved ones is quickly approaching and destined to send you straight to the poor house if you’re not careful. One way to avoid emerging from the holiday season broker than you’d like is to disregard your qualms of social impropriety and straight-up flip any gift card you’re presented with. Now, me personally, I used to throw most gift cards on eBay unless branded with a fast food logo, but with more and more thoughtful, considerate, deeply intimate and personal gift giving going the way of a plastic card with a corporate logo and a dollar amount attached, it’s more and more likely I’ll re-purpose said gift cards as substitute cash with which to purchase a membership to an adult website of premium entertainment value. But which one? How many accept gift cards and aren’t they straight-up scams? Hell no, bro, and please, allow me to elaborate.
Currently accepting payment via branded gift card (with various respective conditions and restrictions attached, obviously) is a plethora of porn sites, each one guaranteed great (or at least very good) by Mr. Pink’s expertly-crafted porn reviews. Ranging from extreme kink to celebrity sex tapes and the big guns of mainstream porn, these sites all offer a way for you to not only buy porn without spending any actual money of your own but to also placate the gifter who asks if you found a use for the $25 Target card they obligingly tossed your way last Christmas. Each site is here listed with one example payment exchange and how much porn access it’ll net you. Please be sure to check details at each site before proceeding with payment.
Video vendor supreme, Videobox, not only offers one of the best porno deals around, but it now accepts gift cards in lieu of well-concealed cash, an altogether safer option. How does 50 days of membership for your $25 Outback Steakhouse gift card sound? Better than a bloomin’ onion, that’s for sure.
At Naughty America, you can buy access at roughly $1-a-day, with a $15 Starbucks card netting you 16 days with MILFs, teens, and Virtual Reality smut. (Although a leader in gift card porn payment processing, Naughty America only allows re-gifting members to stream, not download.)
Denys Defrancesco’s acclaimed Euro-porn empire, DDF Network, will eagerly take your $42 Target gift card and hand over 27 days inside one of Europe’s largest and most impressive adult networks. Consider it a gift to you from Denys himself. Or vice versa.
Chaotic and colorful and loaded with more teenage and mature-aged pussy than your average Cat Fanciers’ Association Show, Reality Kings holds up its roster of 44 websites and, yep, takes gift cards for access. Hell, if you’ve got $200 for Best Buy, you can turn that into more than two years as a Reality King!
Mofos, “the motherfuckers of porn” with eleven sites to their credit, will take your $25 of Applebee’s fun bucks and turn them into 16 days of pornographic wonderment. Mofos recently cut downloads, though, so like Naughty America it’s streaming-only.
Spizoo’s ‘World Class Entertainment’ can be enjoyed for roughly $7.50-a-week, taking your Walmart-branded $25 and giving you 30 days of access to such sites as Drain My Balls, Intimate Lesbians, and The Stripper Experience.
One of the biggest names in adult entertainment, Hustler, also invites you to spend your unwanted gift cards at its online porn emporium. A $15 card will score you two weeks of Hustler access so you can learn the art of being a Larry Flynt-style badass supreme.
Vivid’s porn parodies, celebrity sex tapes, and blockbuster hardcore features can be enjoyed en masse, your $40 Cheesecake Factory gluttony-pass scoring you two months of access. Twistys, another porno purveyor that bridges tasteful erotica with deeply intimate bonking, will, in turn, trade you 45 days of access for a $50 Target card, which sure beats buying new linens.
Sexually Broken, Infernal Restraints, and Hard Tied might not fit in with the other gift-card-accepting adult sites, but accept gift cards is exactly these masterful kink producers do, giving new members the chance to sample the normally expensive sites for 6 days in exchange for a $15 gift card. It’s not the most value-heavy deal here, no, but you’d be buying the hardest of hardcore BDSM porn with a fucking American Eagle Outfitters gift card. If that doesn’t make the transaction a supremely memorable one, what will?
So, while you endeavor to turn gift cards into sexual gratification this holiday season – and as you keep a close eye on Mr. Pink’s for any further vendor announcements – keep your cock happy, your hands busy, and your conscience clean. Convert your unwanted gift cards into cold hard porno-buyin’ credit or, if none of your favorite sites are yet accepting gift cards, throw them in a buddy’s direction with a noted recommendation attached. Make like Haley Joel Osment and pay the fucking forward!