Beating-Off Down Under: It’s Hard to Do

As we sit here comfortably in “the land of the free and all that jazz,” our fellow porn-lovers living in that haven of surfers, slackers, and undervalued 70s, 80s, and 90s rock ‘n’ roll bands known as The Land Down Under are struggling for even the most basic modern age access to pornography. David Thodey, CEO of Telstra, Australia’s leading telecommunications company, announced on April 11 that the company’s BigPond online entertainment and news service will cease offering its remarkably mild and seriously softcore ‘glamour content’ due to customer complaints (“It objectifies women!”) and pressure from anti-porn activist group Collective Shout. Calling Telstra “Australia’s largest family company,” Thodey announced that although more explicit content is readily available at video rental and retail stores across the country and that none of the BigPond-hosted ‘glamour’ content was classified R 18+ (restricted to adults only), he has personally decide to withdraw the “offending” articles, which he calls “sexist” and “inconsistent with [Telstra’s] core values.”

So, listen up, Australian Mr. Pink’s readers and anyone anywhere in the world who gives a shit about the rights of adults to consume whatever legal entertainment media they wish, before you go supporting a telecommunications company, remember the argument that David Thodey, like so many other corporate pontificators all over the world, has resorted to in order to justify his actions: “It’s just not the Telstra thing to do.”

Oh well, at least Aussies can still beat-off by the roadside to racy billboards like this totally-not-sexist one for a low-carb protein bar.

Australian Billboard

Audrey’s Booty’s Back

Audrey HollanderFor what was starting to seem like an endless winter, Audrey Hollander, the soft-spoken redhead who seemed determined to shove every object known to man upside her anus, appeared to be on hiatus from her porn career, if not retired altogether. Having divorced her husband Otto Bauer, Audrey apparently decided to gain some perspective by stepping back from the industry that she had set ablaze with her trademark rough, frenetic anal penetration scenes. Now, with a sassy new hairdo and a recharged sexual energy, Audrey comes hurtling back to porn with one of her most powerful scenes yet.

As Audrey Hollander became synonymous with supremely rough hardcore sex, it shouldn’t surprise her fans to discover that she quietly launched her on a Kink dot com website, in a late February scene on Bound Gangbangs specifically. Thrust into a bedroom set and pounced upon by four guys – or maybe five; it can be hard to tell in all the confusion – Audrey is, in the words of Kink’s wordsmith, “brutally manhandled…gets two dicks in her ass, then two dicks in her pussy while in bondage!!!” Yup, true to the sites premise, Audrey spends almost the entire scene with both sets of limbs bound together or to her torso or to each other with thick rope, and somehow manages to cover role-play, bondage, double penetrations both vaginal and anal, fisting (in both all three orifices), spitting, slapping, breast abuse, choking and gagging, and messy semenal deposits both inside her and on her pale, freckled face and chest. Wow!

Such a potent scene would scare of most beautiful young pornstar women, regardless of their dedication to their work, but, as is her M.O., Audrey takes it all in stride and even ends the scene by promising she’ll be back for more. Oh, and if you’re bummed you can’t check out Audrey’s astonishingly brutal return without a Bound Gangbangs members, don’t be; like those on all Kink websites, this scene is also available to stream or download through the network’s pay-per-view system. Is that music to a hardcore lover’s ears or what?

Pubes On My Privates

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink;

I have a question that maybe a few other guys out there would like to ask. My girlfriend keeps her pussy shaved, which I get so turned on by, and I’m glad she does it. But, every time we shower together, she wants to take a razor to my balls and pubic area, telling me she wants to see me as bare, down there, as she is. I always find a way to avoid the act, usually by making love to her under the water, even though I realize, the next time will be the same thing. I really want to make her as happy as she makes me, but, the thought of shaving my privates doesn’t really excite me, I’m not sure what has me avoiding it, but, I do. Should I just tell her once and for all “No,” or, should I consider doing it?

Pubes On My Privates

Dear Pubes;

Being a little bit older, I remember the time when nearly everyone still had all of their hair intact, that’s just the way it was. Suddenly the disposable razors were sliding across those nether regions and leaving the skin silky smooth, well, ok, maybe a few red bumps here and there for the first few times, and a new fad had been born. It amazes me how to find a woman (or man) that is still furry, is considered a fetish now.

This topic definitely bridges between genders. Think about the fact that as soon as we were old enough and had permission from our Mom to do so, we began shaving our legs and under our arms, we couldn’t wait to do it, it was like a milestone into being grown up and womanly. There was something so invigorating about it, and to this day, I still enjoy rubbing lotion over my smooth legs, it’s just an arousing feeling. Since we were basically raised with the belief that hair be gone was the best way to go, it was only natural to keep that razor sliding to whisk away all whiskers, including the pubic area. Speaking as a woman, there’s a cleanliness that goes with it that makes us feel as if we’re fresher to offer you men….your midnight snack.

If you remember performing oral sex to the full, hairy state of your partner’s vagina, you’ll recall having to nearly part the hair to get to the chewy center, well, it’s the same for us. Men enjoy the deepthroat action when being blown, but there’s something about having our face in the midst of a forest of follicles that can sometimes be disappointing to us. There’s nothing worse than being totally in the mood, happy to give the blowjob, only to feel a curly hair sliding across our tongue, heading down our throat…in fact, that may be where spitting instead of swallowing began!

What may be causing you to avoid shaving are a couple of things, maybe your buddies will notice while you’re in the locker room and give you a bit of buddy teasing about your bare testicles, or, could it be the thought of the itching sensation when it starts to grow back that will leave you wanting to find secluded areas to slip into for a quick scratch. Well, whatever the cause, keep in mind, that if you don’t like it, it will again become your boner bush you’ve grown fond of, and the itching may just be a bit of a turn on through the day, after all, any sensation in that area can bring an erection for most guys. Who knows, you might just like the look and feel of it, and if that’s the case, it will give you and your girlfriend another act of intimacy to share, shaving one another can be a major turn on.

So, warm up the lather, grab a new razor and by all means, make sure your hands aren’t trembling!!

Enjoy our sex advice section at Mr. Pink’s Blog? Have a question? Want to be featured in our next blog post? Email Missy Pink’s Sex Advice or post your thoughts on our Disqus feature below.

Canada to Joanna Angel: “Nay, Nay!”

Anyone in London, Ontario who decided to follow Mr. Pink’s advice and head to the second annual Shock Stock to meet, greet, and nervously trade banter with Burning Angel’s founder and creative genius, Joanna Angel, might just a bit pissed off. See, Joanna was all set to not only meet fans, sign autographs, and sell her excellent Fuckenstein DVD; she had also been invited to perform a “dance performance” of an unknown nature. Turns out someone, somewhere, for some reason, objected to the proposed performance, made a complaint to London PD, and succeeded in keeping Joanna from shaking what Mama Angel gave her. Shock Stock’s organizers had supposedly, according to Angel, told the tattooed punk pornstar to tone down her dance at the convention after party this Saturday past because they were “getting heat.” Telling AVN News, Angel stated “The whole point was that my dance was meant to be arousing, so if I couldn’t take anything off or even move suggestively, it probably was best for me not to do it at all.” In the end, Joanna explained, she hosted the party without performing and there was no further complication with law enforcement.

I only hope those fans of Joanna’s who had intended to see more of her during Shock Stock bothered to snag a copy of Fuckenstein. Taking on James Deen and Ramon Nomar with what can only be called a lascivious frenzy, Angel is about as explicitly exposed as possible here, and that should soothe the wounded dreams of horny Londoners cursing the fuzz, the man, the po-po for once again ruining some good, clean, harmless sexual degeneracy!

Asa Akira’s Still At It (Again)

Asa Akira at Bang BusYou’d think after taking on two not-quite-but-almost-randomly selected dudes she found in South Beach, Asa Akira would be tiring of spreading her legs for inexperienced cocksmen, no matter how well they hold up under pressure. Sure, it makes for great adult entertainment, but what about her own sense of sexual satisfaction? Neither of the first two guys focused all his attention on getting her off, instead trying their hardest to keep hard and pop without much delay. They both did a pretty good job, sure, but Asa’s first ride on the Bang Bus hasn’t ended yet and there’s some guy in board shorts walking up to the bus right now… and he recognizes the graffiti-ridden interior and Ms. Akira both! Hopefully this dude will manage to polish off what could easily be the greatest pornstar-headed Bang Bus adventure of all time and ensure Asa returns for another jaunt sometime soon.

As soon as the latest of Asa’s pseudo-suitors ambles aboard the Bang Bus, he makes it abundantly clear that he’s willing to at least try to fuck the irresistible Japanese-American AVN winner, and, since he seems like a pretty “chill” dude, he’s given his shot at porno glory. Starting again with some tender making out, things soon move from the back seat to the floor where the guy quickly moves in what most women would call the only correct direction: down.

Using every trick, technique, and tool at his disposal, our latest wannabe-pornstar not only elicits a smile and a moan from an experienced pornstar and self-avowed wanton slut, but a legitimate orgasm, too! When asked if he has managed to arouse an erection, the board-shorted beach-goer replies in the negative. That’s ok, though; Asa’s already gotten off and now gets to snuggle with her new pal, who really just seems thrilled to be on the bus at all.

Lamenting the apparent finality of her first Bang Bus appearance – during which she came twice, just not with the Angry Birds player she fucked in the middle – Asa insists she’ll be returning for another go-around and tells the Bang Bus director that this isn’t “The End,” it’s just “To be continued…”