January, 2014 | Mr. Pink's Blog

Cheese Fucker prowls Mayfair, PA!!! Caught!! Released!

Unless you’ve been sticking your dick in the holes found in a slice of Swiss cheese, going online to locate women who’ll watch your dairy-fed antics, and even approaching startled ladies in public in failed attempts to coax them into participating in your little pastime, I’d say your fetishes are probably under control, unlike the “Swiss-cheese Pervert” of Philadelphia’s Mayfair region.

Awareness of the alleged deviant’s activities gained ground after being posted on a Mayfair TownWatch Facebook page. Community outrage spread and more victims came forward claiming, much like Priscilla [surname redacted] who managed to snap a cell phone pic of the perp after he propositioned her, that the man intended to hire them to observe his rubbing his genitals with slices of Swiss cheese. Priscilla shared her photo of the suspect (and his cheese) with authorities and shortly after they arrested one Christopher Pagano of Norristown. Described by neighbors as “a weirdo” who “used to come outside in his underwear with no shirt,” 41-year-old Pagano was charged with stalking and harassment as well as open lewdness before being released on $30,000 bail.

To get to the bottom of all this depravity we must turn to that most revealing of adult social media sites, OkCupid, on which the lonely legions declare themselves and their various kinks and curiosities open for judgement. Contacting twenty-year-old (and curiously named) Gabby Chest of Bridesburg in 2012, Pagano is reported to have offered significant details of his sitophilia, the total of which can be viewed at PhillyMag and is best digested on an empty stomach. (Note: somewhat tellingingly, Pagano misspells “arrangement” as “arraignment”.)

Beatin’ on a Bargain! with Videobox

Videobox isn’t just known as one of the ‘net’s most plentiful adult websites – and rightfully so with its 17,000 DVD titles and 94,000 individual scenes – it’s also regarded as one of the best deals a porn fan can find online. With a regular monthly price of $15, Videobox has long been affordable and well worth its fairly meager cost, but even lower prices awaited those willing to devote themselves to six months of membership at $10-a-month, or twelve months at $8-a-month. Now, however, there’s one more Videobox membership package that’s by far the most difficult to refuse and it includes one of my favorite pieces of tech to hit my household in the past five years.

Videobox is currently partnering with Roku and offering confident new signees a brand-new and totally free Roku device ($49.99 value) with which to stream Videobox’s best content straight to their HD TV. Ringing in at the exact same monthly cost ($8) as Videobox’s 12-month package but requiring an 18-month commitment, this plan not only gives you the full benefit of Videobox membership, it throws it some your flatscreen for, say, life-size Jenna Haze POV blowjobs! And you can use Roku to stream Netflix and Crackle and HBO and Not convinced that this is the bangingest porno deal on the ‘net and need more rigid proof? Protect your pockets and come with me then, nerdlinger.

The Math:
Holding almost 17,000 DVD titles featuring 94,000 individual scenes, as well as 280,000 member-created clips, Videobox is one of the largest, most endless enjoyable adult websites on the ‘net. Although you can upgrade your membership to include any of the seven premium channels (Evil Angel, Kink, Club Tranny etc), the basic Videobox package is bound to keep most members very, very happy. And, breaking down to about 4c USD per DVD and less than 1c per scene, you’re not going to find more bang for your buck – and some insanely stellar (and varied) bang it is, too – anywhere but nestled in Videobox’s warm and loving bosom. (And, since Videobox is available on mobile devices as well as desktops and Roku, it’s a totally portable bosom, to boot!)

(Just beware of the pre-selected Mr. Skin offer on the Videobox sign-up page; leave it ticked and you will two days later be charged the equivalent cost of more than two months at Videobox! Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.)

Lust Lost – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pink,

I can sum up my problem in three words, I hate sex. Well, maybe hate is too strong of a word, but, it’s just not something I need or most of the time, even want in my life. I’ve never had the type of orgasm that will make your eyes roll back in your head like I read of in my romance novels, and it seems like a waste of time. I wasn’t a virgin when I married my husband 14 years ago, so, it’s not that he’s doing something wrong, I just have no excitement over it, so, I fake my lack of desire from him.

Lust Lost

Dear Friend;

You may have been able to sum things up in three words as to your cause for writing me, but, whether you know it or not, you’ve actually voiced more than one issue to me.

First of all, you’ve been married for 14 years, which means your spouse knows you much better than you think. There are certain senses that develop over the years when you live with someone, somewhere between the richer and poorer, and in sickness and in health, there’s an unstated clause of during orgasm and faked arousal, so yes, I would think he knows, and, if he’s picking up on your receptors of boredom and duty instead of desire, he’s probably feeling that he is the problem, he’s not exciting you enough to have you writhing across the sheets, saturating them in your female juices.

I’ve said it before, but it still rings true, the mind is the largest sex organ of the body, and, if you’ve convinced yourself that no amount of stimulation in the world will have you squirting during foreplay, then, it won’t. You’ve literally talked yourself out of the erotica.

You also spoke of being an avid fan of romance novels, which is fine for nighttime reading when sleep won’t come, but, you won’t cum either if you feel that life is like what’s written upon those pages. It’s fiction, and yes, real romance can be just as passionate at times, but, I think you’re setting your expectations too high, using the characters in your books as the way things should be.

You need to talk to your husband. Granted, it won’t be easy, it’s not as if you’re telling him you’ve suddenly developed a dislike for broccoli, this is much bigger. However, the only thing larger is allowing your husband to feel as though he’s failing you, and by doing so, you’re also failing yourself, there’s juicy jubilance that can be found in the bedroom, but, you need to open your mind and your thighs too it, along with your husband’s eyes of what you’ve been experiencing. If he feels inadequate, he may begin looking for another woman to prove his worth with, and, 14 years of marriage is a lot to throw away over you faking during fornication.

If you truly dislike the act of hardcore sex itself, then be honest with him, but, if there is an ember burning that just needs to be stoked through reality to gain full flame, then, give it a chance. Put your book down and pick up your vibrator, get in touch with yourself. Relax, let your eyes roll back and then experience the wonders with the man you exchanged vows with.