Dear Missy Pink,
Why can’t my boyfriend and I be on the same page in the bedroom? I like wild sex, where I can turn myself loose and really enjoy the experience, but he says I’m acting too slutty and then calls off the whole episode, leaving us both sexually frustrated. I don’t mind using toys and masturbating, I’ve always done that, but the real thing is needed too. I’m not sure what to do, other than look around for someone else that fits my horniness.
Aroused and Alone
First of all, kudos to you for “taking matters into your own hands,” and by admitting you do. Masturbation has always had a huge taboo cloud lingering overhead, and it’s a shame. I think it started when we were growing up, scolded by someone that may have caught us with our hand around our cookie jar, making it something dirty and to be kept secret. There’s nothing wrong with getting in touch with yourself, a quick release through the middle of the afternoon never hurts, but, it’s also nice to know when the sun goes down, there will be a cock going up!
One thing people seem to forget is everyone is different, no matter how much alike our partners may seem, and the similarities are what caused the spark when you first met, we are all unique, so, we need to find strength in the differences as well. You said you enjoy being wild during sex, but is that for every time you slip between the sheets, or just on those nights when your hormones are raging and you have the need to have sex and not just make love?
Some men enjoy a woman that takes control, the one that kicks off her sneakers and slips into stilettos, digging them into the sheets and riding his erection like it’s an unbroken stallion, and then, we have the men that is led by their ego for erotica, they need to feel they’re initiating things, and doing in the way that makes them feel manly, or, it just doesn’t work, and instead of hearing heavy breathing, you hear snoring.
Just because he’s not responding to your ways doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, nor does it mean he doesn’t want you, he just wants things a bit more tame, you want them more wild, so, like every other aspect of a relationship, compromise is called for. Spend a day together, hit your favorite nature path and go for a long hike, talk about whatever comes to mind, share dinner in a casual restaurant where you both feel comfortable and then let the conversation turn to the intimacy part of your relationship. Let your partner know you’re not going to leave him just because he’s not willing to sound proof the bedroom for when you climax.
He may, for one reason or another, hold more inhibitions than you, which doesn’t mean his style of sex is wrong, or right, it’s just different, so embrace it and work it out. If you get along in all other aspects and you see a real future, then being open in your communication and even offering to be a bit more reserved if he’s a bit more assertive, a meeting in the middle if you will, is more than worth the effort. So before you dig your teeth into his neck and kick the lamp off the nightstand, let him brush your hair back from your face and tenderly lick your nipple. Go for the give and take method of sexual pleasure, it may save your relationship and lessen the amount of money you spend on batteries for your sex toys!