First of all, I want to say, I’m in my mid 40’s, have been married for nearly 20 years and am a successful business owner. My husband has never felt threatened in any way by my place in the community, or financial independence, in fact, he’s always been my biggest supporter in every endeavor. With my job, I do have to travel, and, when packing my suitcases, I will include what I call my “travel toy.” A smaller sized vibrator, sex toy, and, I’ve never hidden it from my spouse. We are open in all discussions about every topic, and our relations are no different. I’ve explained to him that while in a motel room, I enjoy relaxing with a solo masturbation session before falling asleep, it has no reflection on him, it’s just something I do for myself. He feels as though I’m replacing him in our love life with a battery operated device, and he is threatened by my using it. It remains packed in it’s personal case when I’m at home, it only comes out when I pack for a business trip. How do I make him understand he has nothing to fear?
— Buzzing Business
There are a few different factors that come in to play
– from the situation you’ve presented me with.
You’re more than pleased in knowing your husband doesn’t feel threatened by your status in the community, or the fact that your paycheck holds a digit or two more than his own, so, first of all, allow me to offer a pat on the back to him for being secure in his manhood. He’s given much it sounds like, but, I’m sure your relationship has been filled with give and take scenarios, so, you’re both to be commended.
Since he has been your biggest fan throughout the occurrences of life, you feel more than confused over why a small sex toy should make him feel inadequate. And he, on the other hand is probably disappointed with himself for having those feelings, but, at least you have the type of closeness where being open and honest is a natural act, nothing is kept inside to brew and manifest into an even larger issue.
For one moment, kick off your high heels and step into his shoes, look at things from where he’s standing. He has supported you throughout the last 20 plus years of your life, he’s stepped back just a bit, with no qualms, for you to be large and in charge, even though some men may have seen that as a blow to their ego, he’s been happy to do whatever puts a smile on your face.
But, when it comes to the bedroom, where your business suit and stockings come off, the glasses are removed from the bridge of your nose, and your long hair falls softly over your shoulders, instead of wrapped tightly on the top of your head, you are now a bit more submissive, and he brings the strength to the sheets. This is where your husband feels he is now in control, the stronger and more powerful, HE is the one that brings you pleasure and passion during hardcore actions. What this means is, when you pick up the case that carries your smaller sized vibrator and place it into your suitcase, he does feel as though he’s being replaced, because in his mind, that battery operated sex toy will bring you to an orgasm the same way he does, and quite possibly, he may fear, even better.
You have the type of relationship with your husband where there’s wonderful openness, use it to the advantage of your marriage. Explain to him that a vibrator could never replace him, but also listen to him when he tries to explain why he feels it might. It’s called compromise. Maybe sharing a little phone sex across the miles could be an alternative, where you can still use the stimulation of your vibrator, but only while hearing his voice, so he feels secure in knowing it’s still him that you want the most. There are endless possibilities as to how this could play out. Don’t brush off his doubts and fears as something ridiculous, anything that’s real to him, should be the same for you.