I’m 42 years old, married to my high school sweetheart and we have no marital problems, oh, the usual spats, but nothing ever serious. Our sex practices have always been good, not mind blowing for me, but sufficient. Here is my problem, I’m bisexual. I’ve had relationships with men in the past, but for the last three months I’ve been seeing one man that I’ve grown quite fond of, and, our intimacy was always powerful and hot. My wife found out about my affair, and, I was very surprised at how well she took it, no tears, no threat of divorce, she was calm and actually all right about it. For some reason the sex with her has gotten better and with him it’s become dull, a complete flip. I don’t know why. I hate to break off my relationship, I do care for him emotionally and I know he feels the same, but, I’m so bored our meetings are becoming more infrequent because I cancel. I don’t understand what’s happening.
~ Bi With a Guy
In the first place, I have to say, a warm, hearty and happy pat on the back for your wife, she is an open minded woman that has placed more sentiment on the important parts of your marriage and seems to be dealing with the desires in a way that is very commendable. It’s apparent she doesn’t feel threatened, and even though you may not have seen any tears, there possibly could have been some shed, but, it seems her vows hold a great importance to her. The fact still remains, you’ve been unfaithful, and, it doesn’t matter what gender it’s happened with, you have still shared yourself with someone other than your spouse. Okay, now that I’ve wagged my finger on that account, we’ll move on.
With any relationship, especially in the very beginning, there’s this heightened sense of excitement, the act of hardly able to wait until the next time you’re together, it’s new, invigorating, and it will consume your every thought. I’m sure much of what you shared with this other man falls under that category, even though you say you’ve had relationships in the past with other men, but this one is special. Maybe you have a bit more in common, or maybe there’s something about his sexual techniques that have you breathing extra hard.
The main thing about extra marital affairs and the exhilaration is the taboo nature of having to sneak to be romantic. The little white lies, the backstreets traveling from one point to the other so your car won’t be seen, all of those little shifty and devious practices only feed the fire in your loins. That is probably what made your times together so powerful and hot, after all, when you have sex with your wife, it’s an accepted and expected act, meaning you either raise the arousal level between the two of you between the sheets, or resign yourself to the fact, this is marriage.
When your wife found out and handled it in the manner she did, there was suddenly no need to be underhanded, no cause for lies and private calls or texting to set up your next rendezvous, which means, he was suddenly not as appealing. It’s not that something about him changed, nor did anything in your emotional feelings for him alter….to be blunt, it just suddenly wasn’t any fun anymore. On the flip side, because of the way your wife took the news about your being bisexual, you immediately saw her in a whole new light, your respect and admiration for her surmounted and you felt an attraction physically because of the changes emotionally.
You’ve openly admitted to being bisexual, which means you’ll continue to be attracted to the male gender, but, at this time, you fancy the warm, moist receiving of your wife’s vagina, to the engorged erection of your lover, with whom you no longer have to be sly with the shaft. Just because your spouse has shown how important your union of marriage is to her, that doesn’t mean it gives you the green light to abuse the situation. She’s kind hearted, but, she’s not stupid, if you over indulge with the bulge, you may find yourself without a gender to cum to.