Missy Pink,
I can sum up my problem in three words, I hate sex. Well, maybe hate is too strong of a word, but, it’s just not something I need or most of the time, even want in my life. I’ve never had the type of orgasm that will make your eyes roll back in your head like I read of in my romance novels, and it seems like a waste of time. I wasn’t a virgin when I married my husband 14 years ago, so, it’s not that he’s doing something wrong, I just have no excitement over it, so, I fake my lack of desire from him.
Lust Lost
Dear Friend;
You may have been able to sum things up in three words as to your cause for writing me, but, whether you know it or not, you’ve actually voiced more than one issue to me.
First of all, you’ve been married for 14 years, which means your spouse knows you much better than you think. There are certain senses that develop over the years when you live with someone, somewhere between the richer and poorer, and in sickness and in health, there’s an unstated clause of during orgasm and faked arousal, so yes, I would think he knows, and, if he’s picking up on your receptors of boredom and duty instead of desire, he’s probably feeling that he is the problem, he’s not exciting you enough to have you writhing across the sheets, saturating them in your female juices.
I’ve said it before, but it still rings true, the mind is the largest sex organ of the body, and, if you’ve convinced yourself that no amount of stimulation in the world will have you squirting during foreplay, then, it won’t. You’ve literally talked yourself out of the erotica.
You also spoke of being an avid fan of romance novels, which is fine for nighttime reading when sleep won’t come, but, you won’t cum either if you feel that life is like what’s written upon those pages. It’s fiction, and yes, real romance can be just as passionate at times, but, I think you’re setting your expectations too high, using the characters in your books as the way things should be.
You need to talk to your husband. Granted, it won’t be easy, it’s not as if you’re telling him you’ve suddenly developed a dislike for broccoli, this is much bigger. However, the only thing larger is allowing your husband to feel as though he’s failing you, and by doing so, you’re also failing yourself, there’s juicy jubilance that can be found in the bedroom, but, you need to open your mind and your thighs too it, along with your husband’s eyes of what you’ve been experiencing. If he feels inadequate, he may begin looking for another woman to prove his worth with, and, 14 years of marriage is a lot to throw away over you faking during fornication.
If you truly dislike the act of hardcore sex itself, then be honest with him, but, if there is an ember burning that just needs to be stoked through reality to gain full flame, then, give it a chance. Put your book down and pick up your vibrator, get in touch with yourself. Relax, let your eyes roll back and then experience the wonders with the man you exchanged vows with.