When my girlfriend and I began to get serious about one another, we talked about our past sexual relationships and were completely open with each other. She hadn’t been with anyone for nearly four years, after coming out of an abusive relationship, before meeting me. We click well together, and have for almost eighteen months. Our sex life has become more infrequent and when I asked her about it last weekend, she said sex just doesn’t excite her anymore, she loves me for me and not the orgasm. I love her too, but, I still need the orgasm, but I didn’t want to make her do something she didn’t want to do. A few days ago, while she was at work and I have the week off, I decided to start on some remodeling projects we’d talked about, I thought that would put her into a better frame of mind. As I started taking things from drawers to move cabinets and such, I began finding a collection of sex toys. There were dildos and vibrators hidden in the bathroom and then I found more in our bedroom and even in the kitchen! I feel like she’s cumming, she just doesn’t want company when doing so! I don’t know how to feel.
Not So Good Vibrations
First and foremost, don’t let your treasure hunt for toys cast a shadow on your manhood, I truly don’t believe that’s what you’re dealing with.
You said before meeting your girlfriend she’d not been intimate with anyone for quite a few years, which tells me, she probably utilized the act of solo masturbation as her release from tension, and sexual arousal, which, as we all know is nothing to be ashamed of, or considered taboo. That was her avenue for satisfaction, she may have found personal comfort in the self induced pleasure, and, it could be, she’s grown so accustom to that – that is her go to comfort zone. We can be creatures of habit in many ways. There is a large part of the female population that’s unable to achieve orgasm through hardcore intercourse, and for each of those women, the cause is just as individual, but, for some, it’s all in what you become use to.
Your girlfriend, by your own sharing of information, came out of an abusive relationship, and, with masturbation, it’s done on your own timing, your own place, and means, without the thought of letting yourself down or your lover, it’s just those few minutes of stolen excitement and pleasure that keeps a world turning.
If you haven’t approached her yet about the sex toys you found…don’t. She’ll be humiliated, embarrassed and possibly even angry, which will cause other issues within your relationship. Give her time, romance her, sweep her off of her feet, let her know how much you care emotionally and the physically may begin to feel more appealing to her. If you love her, then it’s time to exercise patience. You may be taking matters into your own hands until things either work out, or otherwise, so, buy a few extra batteries and toss them into your junk drawer, in case she needs them, and maybe pick up a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues for yourself.