Ruttin’ Around the Christmas Tree

dakota skye brazzers

Merry Christmas and Joyous Kwanzaa and Happy Hanukkah to you all, my friends! (Did I miss anything?) As the year winds to a close with a celebration of many festivals, we once again turn to porn to see the graphic depiction of what will no doubt be running through many of our heads as we sit around the fire or complain about an underdone turkey: sex.

Strapping on Santa hats and sucking some serious dick this year are such ladies as Riley Reid, Dakota Skye, and Brooklyn Chase in new works from hard-working pornographers who now find themselves filled with the Christmas spirit. It’s still something of a disappointment, though, to see so many major networks miss the chance to do something special for their fans. Thank your preferred deity, then, for Brazzers, Twistys, 21Sextury, and Team Skeet.

Pix and Video presents Cecilya De Lys in tree-decorating event turned holiday love-in, while that site’s big daddy, 21 Sextury, gives its devoted fans something special starring Riley Reid, Capri Cavanni, Janice Griffith, and others. Over at Team Skeet, there’s a trio of tinsel-flecked scenes from Teen Curves, Exxxtra Small, and Teen Pies as Karlee Grey, Lizzie Bell, and Rachel Rose each receive a gift from their own personal Santa Claus.

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Once again it’s Brazzers that has really captured the spirit of Christmas celebrations, shooting new holiday-themed scenes for Teens Like it Big, Brazzers Exxtra, Baby Got Boobs, and Big Tits at Work. Teen hussies Dakota Skye and Samantha Rone give very different performances in their scenes, Dakota taking on two burglars in a loose parody of Home Alone, Samantha sucking the hell out of Santa’s hard-on and having her Christmas wish realized. Alexa Pierce spices up the office Christmas party, doubling up on Keiran Lee and Danny Mountain’s huge dongs while Baby Got Boobs sees Brooklyn Chase and Shawna Lenee do some doubling-up of their own as they throw off their ugly sweaters and give Danny D. a four-breasted titty-fucking to remember! “Yuletide commando” Honey Demon rushes to the North Pole to find out why Santa missed his deliveries only to discover an enraged Mrs. Claus, an imprisoned Santa, and Danny D’s giant erection. And, in a two-part feature for Brazzers Exxtra, Czech babes Carla Cox and Tarra White bring a little incestuousness to the table, sucking and fucking stepdad and stepson alike under the soft colorful glow of their trees decorative lights.

Sigh. If only my own holiday break was guaranteed to be so eventful… Hopefully yours comes close!


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Beatin’ on a Budget! with Twistys

Home to thousands of porn’s most glamorous and gorgeous women, including the famous Treats of the Month and Year, Twistys has been dazzling fans of both softcore and hardcore porn for over 12 years and is now more affordable than ever before.

twistys discount

Twistys started out in the early 2000’s as a polished softcore glamour site producing pictorials and later videos showing off the marvelous physiques and sizzling sensuality of models like Bree Olson, Heather Vandeven, Emily Addison, and Elle Alexandra. From redheads to brunettes, Cali Girls to New Yorkers to European beauties, and from basic stripteases to the combined softcore and hardcore treats of today, Twistys has gone from strength to strength and is now poised to attract a new fanbase thanks to an impressive (and irresistible) deal. Thanks to Mr. Pink’s and the folks at Twistys HQ, membership can now be had for the meager monthly price of $14.95 – no, not just for your first month; yes, that does includes rebills! Including access to the entire back catalog of daily Twistys updates, every monthly and yearly-crowned Treat, and whatever you find elsewhere on the Twistys Network, whether something from Twistys Teasers, lesbian sex site When Girls Play, the very explicit Twistys Hard, Blue Fantasies, Euro Foxes, Busty Ones, and the sites of models Nicole Graves and Anette Dawn, a Twistys membership certainly isn’t something to sneeze at.

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With an expanded network archive containing 12,823 videos and 31,581 photo galleries, the Twistys empire has near-endless smut to deliver and now that membership is cheaper than ever, said content offers even more value! The cost of individual videos boils down to an absolute pittance, only .001¢, while photo galleries are even better value (assuming you’re a stills, not motion man) at .0005¢ a pop! If it’s the bonus sites you’re most interested in, good news: each of the nine sites operating under the Twistys marquee are each priced at $1.66-per-month if you take advantage of this killer deal.

Ok, so you’re still here, having failed to rush on over to Twistys and land yourself the most gob-smackingly grab-worthy porn deal in months and the only reason I can think of is that you and Twistys haven’t really been properly introduced. Well, allow me to rectify that right now. Readers, meet your exotic sexual playground. Twistys, meet my readers – now blow their damn socks off!


Mr. Pink’s Twistys review

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Ain’t Dead Yet: XXX Parodies Still Kicking

Anyone who has sat and watched their favorite show’s entire run with back-to-back episodes in a single Netflix binge will know how devoted we can be to pop-culture in all its forms. Porn parodies, although fading from relevance thanks to more current trends – like the American adult industry and its fans collectively cumming in their trousers the current (and kinda creepy) pseudo-incest craze – are still something of a hot commodity in the adult entertainment world. So much so that blogger Chico Dusty has come up with a list of his Top Ten Porn Parodies of 2014 to remind us all that there’s still life left in the old genre yet.

rambone bonnie rotten

DreamZone Entertainment seems to be coming out on top this year, at least according to Dusty, who ranks The Little Spermaid (dir: Jordan Septo), Cape Fear XXX (dir: Bonnie Rotten), and Rambone XXX: A DreamZone Porn Parody (dir: Septo). Axel Braun hasn’t fallen from his spot as the leading porn parody director and 2014 saw him release Spider-Man XXX 2, Cinderella XXX, and This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX for Vivid, Wicked, and Hustler respectively. (For Dusty’s complete top ten – what, no love for One Flew Over the Cuckold’s Next, really?)

Although unique entries like Miley May’s first cover feature, the Miley Cyrus-spoofing Molly’s Wrecking Ballz and and Not Jersey Boys XXX (a genuine porn parody musical) made for some interesting viewing, most of the parodies included in Dusty’s list fit the usual bill: superheroes, perverted takes on Disney characters, and two Scorsese movies lampooned in a most lusty style. Fun, sure, but not exactly ground-breaking.

Are porn parodies growing stale or are they gradually getting better, bolder, and more outrageous? Perhaps 2015 will hold the answer, but if Axel Braun’s got anything to say about it it’ll be all spandex sporting sexual spoofs of waning interest to so many porn fans. Is pseudo-incest set to burst into the mainstream the way parodies did a few years back? Will they take over as porn virgins’ first viewings or is something else, something even more risque and tantalizingly taboo on the horizon?

Whatever the case, whether it shuffles off to let pseudo-taboo themes take center-stage or is reinvigorated by new talent and new ideas, 2015 is going to be an interesting year for parody porn.

Check out Adult DVD Empire Unlimited and VideoBox for more Porn Parodies.

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Dear World, Goodbye! – Lisa Ann

Pornstars seem to be retiring left, right, and center these days and the departures in the last two years of legend Jenna Haze and legend-in-the-making Alina Li, it can feel like we’re losing superstar after superstar. Then comes a retirement announcement from a star so prolific and popular that it sends shockwaves through the entertainment world, adult and otherwise, leaving fans and followers to wonder where their pornographic future is headed without the one and only reigning MILF supreme, ol’ “Nailin’ Paylin” herself, Lisa Ann.

lisa ann

Taking to Facebook on Monday to announce her impending retirement directly to her fans, Ms. Ann, an AVN Hall-of-Famer with over 400 titles to her credit, said she was finished with this phase of her life and career and will be effectively retired from porn work come January 1st of the new year. This from a woman who really has done everything porn has to offer. After starting her on-screen career in 1993, Ann quit only four years in due to an AIDS scare. Returning first as an agent and then as a performer in 2006, Ann went from strength to strength, earning herself a reputation for being the most dynamic and desirable ‘mature’ performer in U.S. porn. Grabbing national headlines with her portrayal of 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in Hustler’s ‘Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?’ only increased the superstar’s notoriety and led to her acceptance into the ranks of porn’s few genuine crossover stars. Now with her own show on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio proving to fans (of fucking and football) that she’s as observant about sports as she has been about the porn world.

According to Ann’s handwritten letter, it’s fantasy football that will keep Lisa Ann in the public eye from now on as she devotes herself to regular Monday broadcasts of Lisa Ann Does Fantasy for SiriusXM and aims to become a bigger part of their operation. Football might not be the first thing that comes to a man’s mind upon seeing this woman, but Lisa Ann is arguably one of the most prominent fantasy football personalities around today, at least to certain kinds of fans. (And, hey, she’s already been very publicly banging at least one football stud, Notre Dame wide receiver Justin Brent.)

You can read Lisa Ann’s full ten-page retirement announcement on her official Facebook page and listen to her discuss her plans on SiriusXM’s Soundcloud page. Be sure to catch Lisa Ann Does Fantasy every Monday at 10pm ET on SiriusXM radio and keep a keen eye on Ms. Ann’s Twitter feed so as not to miss a single iota of her remaining adult work before she shuffles off to the land of off-screen sex and making men’s dreams come true in a totally different industry.

Lisa Ann – Evil Angel

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Beatin’ on a Budget! with Team Skeet

In the days leading up to the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa season, saving money is on everyone’s mind. Whether lining up for early morning Black Friday retail chaos or scouring the Internet for the best online bargains, there’s many, many ways to shop well and save a decent chunk of change, perhaps to spend on yourself. So, what Christmas present will you be buying yourself this year? One filled with nubile sluts, drooling deep-throaters, exotic black and Latina babes, and the newest inductees into porn’s ranks of 2014 rookies? Oh good, I see you’re familiar with Team Skeet then!

team skeet

Skeeters (as I like to call ‘em) are folks devoted to 19-site porn network Team Skeet, folks who usually pay $28.97-a-month for access to this teen-heavy sexual playground. And now, just in time for the holidays (when you’ll no doubt jump ship from family room to den/garage/car for a little sanity), Team Skeet is inviting anyone who’s never indulged to do so for a pretty paltry price: $9.87-a-month!

“Hey, Pink? What would I get get if I was one of these ‘Skeeters’ you speak of?” Well, buddy, Team Skeet is home to 19 websites – Exxxtra Small, Innocent High, Teen Pies, Teen Curves, She’s New, Teens Do Porn, Lust HD, Step Siblings, POV Life, Rub-a-Teen, The Real Workout, This Girl Sucks, Teens Love Money, Oye Loca, Teeny Black, Titty Attack, Her Freshman Year, Self Desire, and Solo Interviews – and they serve up all kinds of powerfully explicit sex acts in dazzling High Definition videos, many updating weekly. Sure, some of the sites are no longer updating at all, but this is network porn we’re talking about – that’s always the case! The Team Skeet model roster is as impressive as the network is large – 1,765 scenes at writing and five-to-seven new ones arriving weekly – and features such dazzling dick-wranglers as American cuties Riley Reid and Ali Rae, Chinese Alina Li, African-American babes Ashton Devine and Chanel Heart, and promising newcomers Ava Taylor, Halle Von, and Dakota James. With ladies like these working their magic on the Team Skeet small screen, the origins of this network’s name are no mystery, that’s for sure.

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The Math:
At the introductory price of only $9.87-a-month, Team Skeet has never been more affordable or irresistible. The 19 Team Skeet sites work out to individually cost less than 52¢, an amazing price even for the oddly included European sites Lust HD and Rub-a-Teen. With 1,765 scenes online, it’s clear Skeeters have plenty to ogle, admire, and enjoy here and at a great price, too: individual scenes cost an astonishing .005¢ each! Truly Team Skeet has gone bonkers for bargains this holiday period, either that or they’re all skeeted out and simply acting irrationally. Hey, all the better for us, right?

One tip before you rush off and get yourself into some skeetastic trouble, though: under this promotion Team Skeet memberships automatically rebills at close to full price ($24.87). You’re getting one month of Team Skeet’s treasures for less than ten bucks, but keep an eye on your end-date if you don’t wanna get hit with a twenty-five-dollar charge… although, even at that price, Team Skeet’s well worth it.

Mr. Pink’s Team skeet review

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