I’m a female, in my early 40’s and have never been married. Actually I’ve only had a couple relationships in my life that lasted more than a few weeks. I’m more than self sufficient financially, I have friendships and activities outside of work, my life is set in a mode that I feel more than comfortable with, and, I truly have no desire for a relationship, I never have. I’m not wanting to sound like a snob of some sort, I just don’t want to deal with the hassle of answering to anyone, being home at a certain time, or, suddenly feeling as though I have someone in my life other than myself to take care of. Of course, I also enjoy sex, often, but the type with no strings attached. I meet men in bars, at work, social gatherings, social networks, etc., but, none of them are more than a one night stand. I’m obsessed with stranger sex, and, it’s to a point where even I am starting to worry about myself. I don’t feel like I’m in a “normal” frame of mind anymore, am I wrong?
– Quick Satisfaction
First of all, allow me to say kudos for you being at not only a well established point in your life, but, also for knowing what you want, getting it and enjoying your inhabitance.
Forgive me for making an assumption, but, the sound of your letter led me to think you have sex quite often in the means you described, and, if that’s the case, there seems to be a definite control issue living and breathing within you. You’re meticulous in explaining how secure you are in most every aspect of your life, you made it happen, and it sounds as if you work very hard to keep it that way, but, that control is also sifting into your sexual prowling.
I don’t think I really have the need to mention the obvious, in the form of the “stranger danger” scenario. Times have changed, and even though there has always been a bit of a red flag when it comes to sharing intimacy as a one night stand, it seems it’s risen in the possibility of things possibly going terribly wrong. I doubt there’s a person alive that hasn’t fantasized about that one time, just being penetrated with a complete and total, wild abandonment, by someone we don’t know and feel sure we’ll never see again. To shed any inhibitions and for once in our lives just cutting loose every ounce of lust and letting the moment consume us, but, when it’s become a lifestyle of choice, that says there could be a problem.
If you don’t want a relationship, that’s understandable, but, keep in mind, there are men in the world as well that enjoy the, “no strings attached” sort of scenario, but, also want to feel monogamous, not wanting to be with something so promiscuous, for fear of sexually transmitted diseases and such. Find someone, both of you have testing to be sure you’re disease free and then call each other your fuck buddy, you can keep a one on one sexual status and still not have the hassles of cooking for two and folding boxer shorts as part of your Saturday, laundry ritual.
If it’s the thrill and almost fetish nature of the type of sex you’re having at this time, and you don’t think you can stop, then I would have to highly recommend some sort of counseling. There’s nothing Pollyanna about the world today, don’t deceive yourself into thinking, “It could never happen to me,” it can happen to anyone. There’s more than one way to practice safe sex.