Brazzers’ Halloween Bonanza


Joanna Angel and her Burning Angel crew may have concocted the most extravagant and outrageous Halloween porno epic this year but another legendary producer of weird and wonderful porno parodies, lampoons, homages, and tributes, Brazzers, instead opted for smaller individual episodes, each tailored to a particular theme, kinky costume, or outlandish Halloween-related setup. Roping in Ariana Marie, Mercedes Carrera, Rachel RoXXX, and Zoey Monroe to commit heinous acts of hardcore carnality, Brazzers unleashed a tight quartet of Halloween porno scenes.

October 29th saw the arrival of Zoey Monroe playing a wantonly slutty kitten who ditches her boyfriend at a party to fuck the Scream-mask-sporting host, Michael Vegas. Not to be outdone by Brazzers Exztra’s initial Halloween offering, Big Tits at Work unveiled the following day Rachel RoXXX in The Office Mummy. Danny D. arrives at work without a Halloween costume and quickly wraps himself in toilet paper to avoid embarrassment. What he can’t avoid is being fired by Ms. RoXXX, though it seems she has costume problems all her own.

Zoey Monroe / Trick and Treat

Rachel Roxxx / Office Mummy

Twenty-something fan-favorite Ariana Marie donned a black witches outfit and settled in for a night of handing out candy to kiddies alone as her husband sleeps in another room. When Johnny Castle stops by to make a last-gasp attempt at candy hoarding, his age proves a problem for Ariana, who wants to give out a lot more than just candy corn. Brazzers Extra delivered the final ZZ Halloween horn-fest, this time gussying up Mercedes Carrera in the best porno rendition of a Vampirella costume yet. A character known largely for her outfit, not her personality or history, the role of Vampirella allows Carrera to bare her fangs both literally and figuratively, as she dives on civilian Michael Vegas and threatens to betray her vow of not harming humans. Will she drain her victim’s arteries or just his balls?

Ariana Marie / Dick or Treat

Mercedes Carrera / Vampirella

From comic book vampiresses to oddly unidentifiable military-styled costumes with super-heavy cleavage, from trick-or-treating turned one-night-stands to office costume parties cum fluid-sharing sessions, Brazzers knows how to deliver the good on Halloween and 2016 is yet another notch in Brazzers’ All Hallows Hardcore belt.

Brazzers review

Jordi’s American Journey

Jordi El Niño Polla

All this election-season talk of illegal immigrants stealing the jobs, money, and pussy the men of the USA believe to be rightly theirs got me thinking… You see plenty of immigrants in porn, women and men both, and it could be argued that such a profession is both a negative and a positive result of an illegal presence. (Though I’m sure Jordi’s papers are in order.) Adopting an disapproving attitude, you might see someone like recent Brazzers discovery Jordi El Niño Polla, a Spaniard mentored by Nacho Vidal and brought to the US by the ZZ to plow the fields of their female stars, as a threat to American masculinity. But really that’s only half of it.

Jordi, whose diminutive frame and youthful looks belie a massive member, more favorably viewed could be a pinch hitter coming in to relieve our own coliective sexual exhaustion. Or, unless it’s too threatening, maybe he’s a gift for our beloved female citizenry, their desires also leaning younger and more dominant every day. Whatever your stance, Jordi’s seemingly here to stay, already shooting for Brazzers a selection of thirty exclusive hardcore encounters.

At times playing a teen or twenty-something boyfriend to the likes of JoJo Kiss or Alex Grey, Jordi is just as often cast alongside a mature woman whose MILFy hold over the young star is immediately apparent. After being bathed by Leigh Darby and Alexis Fawx on two separate occasions, and after pounding Diamond Jackson and Nikki Benz on the tennis court, Ryan Conner in a shower stall, tag-teaming Rebecca Moore with one of Brazzers’ other resident foreigners, Keiran Lee, and crashing his bicycle after spying neighborhood cougar Veronica Avluv shooting him flirtatious glances only for them to turn into spit-moistened strokes, Jordi’s next assignment sees him jumping in the shower with girlfriend Megan Rain only to be interrupted then joined by her stepmom Ava Addams.

Clearly Jordi’s arrival on our shores is all part of Brazzers’ bold attempt at claiming new female viewers and grabbing guys before they hit twenty-five, making them fans for life. Jordi, a stunned expression on his face as his hefty dick disappear into another American throat, is a surrogate for all of us who, no matter what we tell ourselves mid-viewing or mid-fap, would probably pass out if ever faced with real pornstar pussy. He’s just a surrogate that’s doing a better job than many millions of local boys. Is this where globalization is leading us, into one another’s countries to fuck foreign women for our pleasure and theirs? If so, that’s an economic model I’m sure we can all get behind.

Brazzers review

Pokémon Porn Persists

Pornstar Go: a XXX Parody

Since its July 6 release, augmented reality game Pokémon Go has captured the imaginations (and free time) of millions of players worldwide. As Mr. Pink’s reported to you last week, the game has also captured the imagination of pornographers both amateur and pro. After we previously noted Pokémon-themed porn efforts from Team Skeet’s Exxxtra Small and Teen Pies, RK (Reality Kings) Prime, and Cosplay Babes, another wave of Poké-porn arrived to further milk the world’s reigning gaming trend.

Arguably the king of porn parody mountain, Brazzers didn’t spare any costuming expenses for its Pornstar Go: a XXX Parody production, the results of which went live on Monday. Replacing the super powered pocket monsters with magical pornstars who vanish from porn sets across the valley, Brazzers has Spanish newcomer Jordi El Niño Polla hunting for Ella Hughes, Patty Michova, and Alexa Tomas in an effort to return them to their rightful homes at Brazzers HQ. A trio of women this irresistible shouldn’t need any extra incentive to pursue, but once captured, they reveal their true animalistic intentions.

Taking a less fantastic angle on Poké-porn, Bryan Gozzling’s Hookup Hotshot site brought to our attention a skinny raven-haired Ivy Aura. Keeping with Gozzling’s social media focus, Ivy is recruited to accompany our host on some Pokémon Go hunts only to find he’s far more interested in fingering her asshole, urinating in her mouth, and unloading his seed onto her expectant face – and they don’t even get around to catching any Pokémon!

While it’s unlikely this is the last of the Pokémon parody porn coming your way in this time of near-global Poké-fever, it’s clearer than ever that a pop-culture phenomenon doesn’t require any greater inclusion in porn than a brief reference made by jaw-dropping new starlet. (But hey, check out Ella Hughes in costume – that sure doesn’t hurt!)

Brazzers review