Re-Gifting for Porn’s Sake

The holiday season traditionally sees an exchange of gifts between friends and family members, tokens of appreciation for putting up with each others’ idiosyncrasies and issues for another year. Unfortunately, the desire to give the perfect (or at least perfectly usable) gift often outweighs the personal element. Case in point: the gift card.

gift cards pay for porn

Handed out en masse every holiday season and easily purchased from supermarkets, gas stations, corner stores, 7-Elevens, and many other vendors, a gift card entitles the bearer to spend a predetermined, stated amount at a corresponding store. But what if you loathe L.L.Bean’s collegiate winter wear, object to Wal-Mart’s dominance of national and now international retail, or simply won’t set foot in a DSW for fear of contaminating your feet with the stench of others’? What do you do with your apparently useless gift cards then? Why, purchase some porn, of course!

With a number of adult sites and networks now accepting payment via store-affiliated gift card, I thought a rundown of such smut vendors would serve to enlighten you, dear readers, as to your spending options. And, hey, think of this way: when your father-in-law asks what you ended up buying from Home Depot, you can let him know that whacking it to Jayden Jaymes’s marvelous heaving breasts was more important than a new ball-peen hammer. Maybe.

Spend your unwanted gift cards at the following adult emporiums and ensure no gift card goes to waste. The gift card in my wallet, a $15 Starbucks card, could buy you the following membership stints at the following sites (with duration and price changing per gift card brand and value):

– 16 days with the amply-titted anal-loving fuck-freaks of Brazzers.
– 26 days with Naughty America’s MILFs and housewives and step-sisters.
– 9 days of ogling DDF Network’s European goddesses, foot fetishists, teen lesbians, and busty beauties.
– 30 days marveling at Videobox’s impossibly wide range of on-demand smut.
– 14 days, a solid fortnight, checking out the legendary Hustler archives.
– 14 days with Spizoo, the 13-site globe-trotting pornstar-fucking extravaganza.

Conditions apply, of course (minimum $10 balance, certain card brands only) but at least there’s finally a way to rid yourself of hard plastic currency usable only at unsexy stores that most certainly don’t stock Interracial Booty Intruders, Mommy Needs Money #2, or an HD version of Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge.


#BreakTheInternet with Bang Bros, Brazzers

Kendra Lust and Nikki Benz parody Kim Kardashian

A few weeks ago, Paper Magazine unleashed what has arguably proven to be its most important issue, but it wasn’t the articles contained within that courted controversy and saw readership expand thousand-fold, it was Kim Kardashian’s ass. The images are now legendary, having been passed around the Internet on seemingly every social media and news platform. In fact, the shots of Kardashian’s oiled rear end have even inspired a SNL parody starring Nicki Minaj and prompted one SAT prep company, Catalyst Prep, to use the most famous backside on Earth to gussy up math questions on an otherwise humorless paper. Now it’s porn’s turn.

Bang Bros site Ass Parade released on Monday their parody of Kim K’s now infamous cover shoot, casting the exquisite Kendra Lust and her astounding derriere and coming quite close to matching the styling of Paper’s shoot. With pearls wrapped around her neck and hanging from her earlobes, hair piled in a high wrapped bun, and wearing only the skimpiest black-and-white lingerie, Ms. Lust looks very much the part as she poses for the Ass Parade camera. Enter Mike Adriano and commence ass-eating, double-cumming, and a creamy facial that seals the deal.

Not one to be beaten on novelty, Brazzers enters the fray on New Year’s Eve with the much-hyped casting of Nikki Benz in Kim K’s place. Standing tall in a black sequined dress that amplifies her already amazing curves, Benz balances a champagne glass on her ass before sliding her dress down to reveal her cheeks. Enter Keiran Lee and commence‚Ķ well, we’re not sure yet since the scene’s still under wraps until NYE. Talking to XBIZ, though, Ms. Benz let out a few teasers: “During our scene [Lee] was making me cum so much! I was so horny I just asked him to do something I haven’t asked another male performer to ever do, and he was more than happy to comply. I don’t want to reveal what it is yet. I guess you guys will have to stay tuned to find out!” For Keiran’s part, he called Benz “one of the all-time greats of porn” and promised her fans and his would both love this Brazzers pairing, declaring it “one of the most intense scenes I’ve ever performed in,” and confirming Benz’s adventurous performance ventures into new territory and will show fans “something they have never seen from Nikki Benz before.”

If those hints are hinting at what I think they’re hinting at, I have a feeling the esteemed ZZ might be right: if Kendra Lust as Kim Kardashian won’t #breaktheinternet then perhaps Nikki Benz’s new exploratory scene will.

Moms in Control at Brazzers

Everyone knows Brazzers can’t sit still. Whether introducing a pay-by-gift-card system, buying their way into Madison Ivy’s anus, or launching software that gives you immediate access to any act occurring at any moment in a given Brazzers scene, the infamous ZZ always seems to be pushing ahead and reaching for something greater. So, you knew of course that porn’s biggest online vendor would tackle the whole mother-fucking thing in a whole new way, what with pseudo-incest porn being all the rage these days. Introducing Moms In Control.

moms in control

Pitting a teenage or young adult couple against the girlfriend’s conspiratorial, conniving step-mother, Moms In Control sees young girls learn a thing or two from her step-mom about properly taking care of her man. Of course, with the “moms” played by Dana Vespoli, Bianca Breeze, Syren De Mer and Codi Bryant, you can be sure there’ll be plenty of stroking, sucking, and sharing of cock in each episode. Given the often tempestuous and competitive relationships between two gorgeous women living in the same house, the sexual tension of Moms In Control scenes is incredibly high and often sees the girlfriend not-so-politely requesting her mom stop blowing her boyfriend. Mom, heeding the call to parenting, simply invites her step-daughter to take part and learn a few tricks to ensure her guy’s doodle doesn’t start straying. While not quite as borderline-creepy as many incest-themed pornos around these days, Moms In Control mixes in a bit of female domination and cock-sharing for a thoroughly inspiring good time. In fact, Moms In Control is so hot it’ll make all of you with no chance of becoming some babe’s step-son regret your parents’ rock-solid relationship of 40-something years.

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Moms In Control added a slew of scenes when it went live a few weeks back, but now updates are flowing in steadily and bringing a dynamic new trio to your screen; Mia Malkova, Rebecca Moore, and Ryan Rider, anyone? Or perhaps Eva Notty, Janice Griffith and Jessy Jones will have your libido roaring. There’s a dozen scenes currently available, in 720p and 1080p HD of course, and more hitting the Moms In Control homepage all the time. (Just don’t tell your girlfriend’s dad about it no matter how much of a bro he seems. Trust me on this one.)