Mr. Pink’s Weekly Report – May 20th, 2016

mrpinksMr. Pink’s this week took a trip through the digitized pages of Score Group’s online publishing empire, conducting brand new porn reviews of the erotically charged Leg Sex, the ultra-experienced middle-aged and post-middle-aged marvels of 50 Plus MILFs and 60 Plus MILFs, as well as Bootylicious Mag, a site so ass-tastic it also had me scouring the ‘net for the sagest anal sex advice around. As it turns out, it’s one of our favorites, Valentina Nappi, who dished up the safest and most sensible tips and tidbits for those anal adventurers out there. Until next week, folks, keep it filthy!

Anal Advice Assessed

Valentina Nappi

Since arriving on the international porn scene in 2011 and making waves in the US industry thanks to her relentless pursuit of personal pleasure, devotion to full gender equality, or fondness for shooting anal, DP, and gangbang scenes, Italian goddess Valentina Nappi has become one of the more salient commentators on the ins-and-outs of the porn world. So, when GQ published a slightly disturbing article entitled “How to Ask for Anal Sex” only to then be followed by a red-pen wielding Complex writer who pointed out its numerous flaws and falsehoods – “Women like to be surprised,” claims GQ, but that doesn’t extend to surprise buttsecks! – we turned to the esteemed Ms. Nappi for her advice, compared it to that of GQ and Complex, and tried to figure out which source was providing the real assistance to anally-inclined readers. Guess who came out on top?

GQ writer, “sex expert” and hostess, Sarah Jane Banahan suggests forgoing mentioning or requesting an anal attempt in advance, telling readers to “undress her slowly, kiss her, tell her quietly that you are going to penetrate her from behind.” Yeah, kinda like that disturbing scene from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo! Complex, for its part, wanted answers and turned to sexologist Bianca Laureano to get them. “Articles like this are dangerous because they give men the impression they may do something sexual with a partner without their consent.” Real anal sex, dear readers, is nothing like a porn scenario. You don’t start out with heavy petting, say “Turn over, baby,” then dive in cock-first. What you want to do is follow the advice of someone who’s been on the receiving end of many an butt-hungry penis in her time, Ms. Valentina Nappi.

In a blog post entitled How to Do Anal, Valentina lays it out as clearly as anyone anal adventurer could want. First, she details cleanliness protocols, discussing how to administer an enema and how pornstars stay clean on set. Some take psyllium whole husks for a fiber blast thrice daily before a shoot while others take Imodium (“not a healthy decision,” she says), but Valentina herself simply reduces fiber intake prior to a shoot to ensure she’s not leaking all over the set, the props, and her co-stars come the day of the shoot. Lubrication is next on Ms. Nappi’s checklist and, boy, is she through, a far cry from the lube-less anal attempts outlined in GQ. Size is also discussed, with Nappi insisting that every ass is different and can accommodate objects of different sizes. Crucially, she points out that the average length of the human rectum ranges from 10cm to 15cm and anything larger than that may end up smashing your colon, potentially resulting in Depends dependency.

Sure, GQ and even Complex’s guides to anal sex lacked the casual language Nappi uses, aiming for a more scientific-sounding approach to anal preparation, but really, at the end of the day which would you trust, the male equivalent of Cosmopolitan, a hip-hop-oriented youth culture magazine, or someone who takes cocks in their ass for a living and is comfortable, confident, and casually serious enough about the safety of her fans’ and fans’ lovers’ assholes that she’d even post a little infographic to help identify the (literal) shit you don’t wanna know about, as well as the (proverbial) shit you absolutely need to know before plunging your boner deep inside a surprisingly sensitive little passage.

Valentina Nappi @ HardX

Mr. Pink’s Weekly Report – May 10th, 2016

mrpinksEvery summer week under Mr. Pink’s awnings offers different treats and tastes of porno and this week has been no exception. Taking fresh looks at two more Score Group sites, XL Girls and Big Boob Bundle, we find teeming archives of hefty babes and their heaving chests. Over at Met Art websites Eternal Desire and Errotica Archives, though, things are a bit classier, more refined, more genteel… and more deliciously high-resolution! Over on the blog we’ve got the lowdown on John “Buttman” Stagliano’s latest European epic and some sage advice and nuggets of wisdom from today’s excellent crop of MILF stars. Return to these pages next week, fuck fiends, for even more deviancy from your ol’ pal Pink!