I’m a 34 yr old woman. I’ve been seeing a guy from my office for 6 months, it started as just friendship and drinks, pizza, after work to now having sex for the past 3 weeks. He excites me on every level. My problem is, I didn’t know our relationship was suppose to be a secret, and was told he lives with another woman. I questioned him, he confessed but said he really needs me and wants me to stay with him, while he stays with her. Am I stupid or just in love?
The Other Woman
Dear Other Woman;
Unfortunately, the dilemma you’re faced with has been one experienced by many of others in the past, present and will be in the future. The heart can’t draw imaginary lines in the sand, it has to rely on the power of the mind for good judgment, and also the scruples of those we tend to offer our affection to, and it sounds like both of those attributes have let you down.
There was a line I heard in a movie one time, and, I always thought in a few words, it summed up what a relationship is suppose to be, and that is; “You make me want to be a better person.” It doesn’t sound to me like this relationship is turning you into a woman you can look in the mirror each morning and sleep without a guilty conscience with at night. How much are we to give to someone else before we lose sight of who we are? It seems to me, you’ve been giving, he’s been taking, and the one losing the most is his girlfriend waiting at home in the evenings, a meat loaf drying out in the oven, and candles that have burned down to but a clump of wax.
The first person you need to take care of is yourself, you need to keep in mind, he’s climbing out of your bed and back into the one they share, and no bed is large enough for three people…well, unless you’re going for a physical threesome of sex, then you can certainly make it work! But, seriously, I’m sure you have shed many tears over this situation and don’t you deserve a man that doesn’t make you cry? One that is all yours, to focus not only on a friendship but the intimacy of sexual pleasure as well, which when combined, will be everything you’ve hoped for.
Don’t just settle. You may feel you need him, he may excite you in many different ways, but when the door closes behind him, and you’re left with the crumpled sheets underneath you, how cold does that really make your night? Don’t share him with anyone, break things off in a friendly manner, wish him well, and maybe think positive thoughts for his girlfriend. Don’t just be, “the other woman,” be THE woman!
It’s not love, it’s lust. Show him the door and then buy yourself a new vibrator, you can still feel the completion, but not have to shave your legs for it!