March, 2012 | Mr. Pink's Blog

Missing Misti Dawn

Things first started to look a little dour for redheaded alt.pornstar and geek girl supreme, Misti Dawn, when she was hired along with another woman to perform in an anal scene that they believed was going to be a pretty straightforward dick-in-butt kind of thing. Upon turning up to set after having taken the previous night to prepare with plugs and enemas and relaxation, both performers were shocked to find out that the scene, for a movie entitled Spitting & Speculums (or something similar), was far kinkier than their agents has let them know. The director/stuntcock, now a very popular shooter of all-star POV anal scenes, began by requesting deep throat blowjobs with plenty of gagging and salivating, which was enough to unnerve our rather timid Indianan and her co-star, but then went into even raunchier territory. Pulling out a vaginal speculum and inserting it into our girls’ anuses stretching them to soon accommodate his cock, Herr Director soon had both women holding back nausea and nearly passing out from the physical shock and stress. Misti calls her agent and complains. He tells her to continue the scene, promising to sort everything out later. Misti’s co-star, though, is in the bathroom throwing up, so the pair decide that enough is enough and call it quits, going home with less impressive paychecks than what they had been guaranteed.

Detailing on her blog how it felt to be so professionally humiliated while also dealing with an intense physical situation for which she was totally unprepared – the vaginal speculum used in the scene can be extremely taxing on the elasticity of a smaller, tighter orifice for which it was definitely not intended – Misti Dawn said that this experience was enough to convince her that she’d be better off exploring her sexuality privately; that her marriage, health, sanity, and sexual satisfaction rightfully took priority over the fun and financial rewards of porn. That was the end of it. Misti Dawn the alt.pornstar was now Misti Dawn the blogger, pop-culture commentator (for Spike TV, no less), semi-professional self-employed model, private citizen, and wife of a still-performing adult entertainer.

Can a life like that really work out to be the best for all parties concerned, though? It’s one thing to be getting paid to fuck men other than your husband, but what happens when you quit and your husband keeps working and, in fact, starts to reach the apex of his own career on camera?

Shockspot – Now It’s Her Turn

Last week, Mr. Pink’s blog covered a technological innovation that enables men to receive pleasure directly from a real live woman via an Internet connection and a pair of devices: RealTouch and RealTouch JoyStick. To recap, RealTouch Interactive puts a man with his RealTouch sleeve and a woman with her RealTouch JoyStick many miles apart and through the miracle of modern technology allows her to manipulate the joystick how she would manipulate the man’s erection, should they be in the same place. Great news, right? Well, not necessarily for the ladies. They put in all the work and are left holding a now-useless rod of plastic and wires while their partner in the webcam show cleans up and logs off. Typical. Intent on finding something to function much like RealTouch Interactive, but with the immediate benefit affording the woman the heights of ecstasy, I went hunting.

Every adult novelty store, kink boutique, and forum for perversion was a dead-end. Nothing could really come close to RealTouch Interactive. Regardless of dildo size, wattage or voltage, or USB-connectivity, distance still stood in the way of a woman’s pleasure. Then, dear readers, I happened upon it. A hulking beast of machine parts, reconditioned motors, and oil-based lubricants, it’s name? Shockspot. Built to enhance the already immensely pleasurable experience so many women have had riding a Sybian, Shockspot takes the concept of a motorized penetrative pleasure device to a whole new level. With the provided software and a little techno-aptitude, any woman willing to lay down a few grand for a Shockspot can have the device literally fuck her so perfectly she won’t believe it’s not, like, Brad Pitt (or whoever most dames fantasize about these days).

Shockspot’s software (for Windows only) allows the user to customize every three-dimensional movement the machine can make and, planted behind or in front of a desperately horny woman, there’s no limit to the potential thrusting precision and cervix-tapping power of a machine, a monster of metal and circuitry, made to be the ultimate in “fucking machines”. Tailored by the blissed out receiver (and her attached dong or dildo), Shockspot fucks hard or soft, slow or fast, deep or shallow, and vibrates according to whatever its controls are set to. What power! To hold the controls to such a machine in one’s hand and know that, intimacy and commitment issues be damned, you’re about to be plowed and plundered by something far more satisfying than any mere man, far more obedient than some ignorant slob, and as relentless and persistent as any slam-dunking power forward. In short: self-determined sexual bliss.

Ok, so the Shockspot website doesn’t explicitly mention anything about the device being a long-distance-relationship aid or a transcontinental live interactive sex toy, but it’s only a matter of time. I’ve already seen a couple of webcam models who have bought or are planning to buy their very own Shockspot with the intention of allowing their romantically-challenged patrons the chance to man the boards and “fuck” her how they want to. The software isn’t yet publicly available to operate Shockspot in a truly remote sense, but you can be sure it exists, whether at Shockspot HQ or in the backwoods of the sexually-depraved Internet in the hot little code-happy hands of some hacker genius who has no idea the tidal wave of thigh-shuddering orgasms he just unleashed upon a unsuspecting world.

Face it, fellas, with “toys” like this on the market, “toys” that allow women to pound their own pussies in whatever way they please, we’re pretty much future-fucked.

Nerd Hunting

The Bang Bros’ website Fuck Team Five has found itself in plenty of rather sketchy situations in its short online lifespan. There have been humiliating mid-blowjob phone calls to some guy’s poor wife, a three-girl chant of “Nothing gets inside Madison Ivy’s butthole!” and dozens upon dozens of amateur Miami and LA guys getting a chance at pornstar pussy paradise. One episode in particular is especially noteworthy to me because I occasioned to meet one of the “random” guys Fuck Team Five picked up while cruising down Melrose Blvd. on a gorgeous Southern California Sunday afternoon. Then he was a 21-year-old aspiring standup comic fresh off the bus from Godknowswhere, USA. His name, well, for a long, long time I completely forgot his name, but with his starring role in Todd Philip’s (Road Trip, Wedding Crashers) newest opus, Project X, plus a genuine background as an adult performer, Jonathan Daniel Brown might not be a name we’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

One day back in 2008, Brown, having only recently arrived in Hollywood, was walking down Melrose minding his own business when a white van pulled up and out jumped three of the most astounding slutty pornstars known to mankind: Ashlii Orion, Jennifer Dark, and Phoenix Marie. Orion, surprisingly, managed to recall quite a few details of Brown’s participation and how he fared in his first onscreen performance.

“I remember him being this cute little nerdy guy, shy, and super nervous!” Orion told AVN. “He was really nice so I felt bac that I had to make fun of him in true Fuck Team 5 fashion.” It seems being pasty, chubby, and bespectacled, and struggling to make it as a standup comic – which is when I met him while attending a mutual friend’s “show” at a dismally vacant East Hollywood Ramada Inn – hasn’t relegated this so-called “nerd” to the depths of social isolation. Instead, he’s fucking Ashlii Orion until he “popped all over [her] ass.” Kudos, guy I met at a shitty comedy/karaoke thing in a crummy hotel not-really-but-sorta-in Hollywood a few years back. Kudos, indeed.

In closing, all I can say is thank your lucky stars that more also-ran strandups of Hollywood aren’t nabbing themselves small porn roles. That scene’s already enough of a circle jerk as it is.

Hyuk-hyuk.

Eva Angelina Bounces Back

Pornstars stop performing for any number of reasons. Linda Lovelace panicked, “got out” and saved her sanity; Jenna Haze wanted to focus on directing and fucking her beau, the lead singer of Dillinger Escape Plan; Sasha Grey had to prove herself an artiste, and Hayley Paige just plain died. Eva Angelina, though, her departure from the sexually-explicit screen was a little less worrisome.

Having progressed from flat-chested newcomer in a Shane’s World college-themed blowjob scene to amply-chested, tattooed goddess of hardcore, lascivious, powerful throat, pussy, and anal penetrations, often in the most lurid combinations, on sites such as Brazzers and ZTOD, it seemed like Eva Angelina was poised before her greatest success. She got that success (and one hell of an award) but it didn’t come from AVN or XBIZ or XRCO, it came from her womb.

After welcoming her daughter Silvi Mountain with then-husband and fellow pornstar Danny Mountain in 2008, Eva seemed to disappear from the industry for a number of years. Although rumors about a hastily made decision to quite porn for the suburban life weren’t exactly running rampant, nobody really knew whether or not Eva was planning a comeback. Then, almost out of nowhere, a few scenes started to filter through the networks and she reappeared.

Brazzers was the one of the first sites to showcase the post-baby-body Eva Angelina, with Bang Bros and Naughty America soon to follow, and what a sight it was. Even more decked-out and spruced-up than before, the reinvigorated AVN-winner had shaved the sides of her head, added a few tattoos, and launched herself back into porn, surprising many fans with her noticeably exuberant attitude lending itself perfectly to assfucking and double-penetration scenes with the likes of James Deen and Mick Blue. It had been a while since Eva threw herself headlong into a cockfest, but she proved to be in exemplary shape nonetheless.

Over at Bang Bros, Eva was added last week to the list of pornstar babes who’ve lent their bodies to one of the Bros’ newest sites, Pornstar Spa, and what a welcome return to BB HQ it was! Eva’s stunningly curvaceous body is showcased to perfection by the HD cameras as what is supposed to be a relaxing deep tissue massage turns into sex so hardcore it tests her endurance, flexibility,stamina, kegel power, and resilience as some lucky bastard (and his big purple dildo) gives the new mother a complete working over. In her Naughty America and Tonight’s Girlfriend scenes, Eva showed only a hint of the effect pregnancy has on the female body – stretch-marks being visible for, oh, a few seconds here and there. While this physical “flaw” is bound to turn off some compulsive masturbators, those eager to celebrate the return of one of contemporary porn’s greatest success stories will likely be even more turned on by Ms. Angelina than ever before, stretch-marks and all.

Eva, it’s great to have you back!