Dear Missy Pink;
I’ve made a terrible mistake and I don’t know how to undo things. About 2 yrs ago my husband I were fighting, a lot. I found myself wanting to have a man talk nice to me, and be comforting, and I had an affair. It only happened once, and I was so ashamed of myself I didn’t know how to handle it. I confided in a friend and I thought I could trust her. Now, she’s blackmailing me of sorts. She drops little remarks in front of my husband that, if he were a suspicious man, he would have picked up on immediately, and, she’s now flirting with him every chance she gets. Oh, and I just found out a few days ago that she and her husband have filed for divorce. I’m afraid she’s going to spill the beans, I’m afraid I’ve ruined our marriage and just when things were going much better for us.
– Unfaithful
My first thought is to tell you to stop beating yourself up for having the affair. Granted, it wasn’t the right thing to do in the moral sense, but, what’s done is done, now it’s time to address your concerns. Many others before you and after you will carry out the same actions and the majority of them will feel as much remorse as you do right now.
The fact that you said before mentioning the sharing of information with your friend that you felt miserable tells me you truly do wish it hadn’t happened, you had an immediate regret. You were vulnerable and needful and the hardcore pleasure of sharing intimacy with someone is what you thought would make you feel better at the time, but, all it did was open a new problem that you now don’t know how to deal with.
As for your, “friend,” and I use that term loosely, you learned the hard way what many others have known for a very long time, trust no one in the respect of them one day being able to use your words as ammunition against you. I can understand you needing to vent and share, it was probably much like an internal combustion, you needed the release. However, it seems as if your “friend” is going to use this to her advantage, she’s maybe always had a keen eye for your husband, and now that she’s going through a divorce and she has this secret of yours, she may work it as foreplay to move her way between the cool cotton sheets with your spouse.
You said things were going better in your marriage, which tells me any advances she may try to make, will probably fall upon deaf ears just as her insinuations have done. She may not really have any intention of spilling the beans, but since it is a possibility, and it’s much harder to get the cat back into the bag once it’s been let go, my suggestion would be to come clean with your husband. Sit him down, tell him what happened, express how remorseful you feel about what took place and that it would never happen again. Let him deal with it in his own way, but let him know that your heart is with him.
Let your “friend” feel as if she doesn’t have a secret to stand on, and then share passionate, hardcore, uninhibited sex with your spouse each and every night, proving to him that your desires are for him only. Actions speak louder than words, unleash your guilt and your arousal, be yourself, be honest and be happy.