Joanna & BA Enter the MMA Parody Fray

ronda arouseme

Burning Angel’s head honcho, Joanna Angel, is known not only for her hardcore performances and heavily modified physique, but also for her deft handling of pop-culture properties many other pornographers would simply dismiss as too unsexy or unfilmable to bother trying to turn into a sexy onscreen romp. After tackling the Grinch, The Addams Family, The Jason Ellis Show, The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Z-grade alien movies, and Evil Dead, it’s clear Ms. Angel and co. can turn any subject into hilarious and incredibly sexy alt.porn. It was only a matter of time, then, before the infamous director lent her hand to one of America’s favorite (and most brutal) pastimes: mixed martial arts or MMA, specifically the remarkable achievements of undefeated UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion of the world, ‘Rowdy’ Ronda Rousey.

Casting fan-favorite mainstream crossover sensation Kleio Valentien as the 28-year-old Olympic medal winner and current world number one, Angel found a fighting fit champ all her own who could easily square up against any other woman in the business. For the flick she’s calling Ronda ArouseMe, Angel also cast Arabelle Raphael, Derrick Pierce, Moe “The Monster” Johnson, and Sammie Sixx in the crucial role of Rousey’s early rival “Miesha Taint” (as in Tate). And word, it seems, has been getting around. Not only has Angel’s upcoming parody been previewed in mainstream press publications NY Daily News, Toronto Sun, Complex, AskMen, and Daily Dot, but Ms. Angel was interviewed personally by TMZ Sports about the production’s origins and the fight-inspired moves learned by the cast in training.

Later speaking to AVN, Angel said she was overwhelmed by the attention. “It’s been so exciting. I think all of Ronda’s fans—and all of Kleio’s fans—will love this movie. I’m trying to get it edited as soon as possible so everyone can see it. It will premiere on BurningAngel.com in the near future.” Hey, Joanna, don’t get me wrong, I’m loving your recent Burning Angel efforts (Making the Band and Uber Mistake especially), but this next super-graphic, boundary-pushing porno epic really can’t come soon enough – and I’m not even a fight fan!

Until Ronda ArouseMe sees release via Burning Angel, you’ll find teases and previews all over Joanna and Kleio’s Twitter and Instagram feeds, which is where I found this image, just a little something to send every sport-bra-lover into a state of drooling incoherence. Have fun!

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WoodRocket and Rule #34

When was the last time anybody but Axel Braun was so universally celebrated for parodying pop-culture icons in hardcore adult movies? Even some holders of the intellectual properties being parodied admitted first to a curiosity then, an interest, and finally an appreciation of the irreverent super-hero, comic book, TV, and movie-lampooning releases. Well, move on over, Mr. Braun ’cause it looks like your bombastic mega-budget mockbusters could be under threat from the studio that’s proving to be more punk rock than mainstream pop, more Brain Candy than Awakenings, if you will. That studio is WoodRocket.

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Founded by Lee Roy Myers, among others, WoodRocket’s bizarre blending of slapstick comedy, pop-culture parody, hardcore porn, and social satire have made it one of the most promising new studios to pop up in some time. Having already pushed porn parodies further than anyone ever thought – SpongeKnob SquareNuts, Sex Toy Story, and even that Jerry-Seinfeld-and-pal-driving-around web series thing, they’ve all been WoodRocket subjects – the studio could have started to focus more on its non-porn webseries James Deen Loves Food and Memes I’d Like to Fuck (see below) or on outlandish projects like a life-size Darth Vader built from sex toys. Parodies have remained an essential part of WoodRocket, though, and we’re now seeing the most courageous and inventive skewering of pop-culture icons since Edward Penishands quietly became a cult comedy hit.

edward penishands

Apparently feeling that squirts and stoners shouldn’t get to have all the cartoonish fun, Myers and company followed up SpongeKnob and Sex Toy Story with Strokemon, the first live-action Pokemon parody starring Rizzo Ford as Dikachu, who’s given a solid working-over by Gash (Tyler Nixon) and Fisty (Kassondra Raine) and just go damn squeals the whole time. Now, I’ll admit to being a bit too long in the tooth to understand the less obvious Pokemon references and jokes, but where the recent Bill and Ted’s SEXcellent Adventure-parodying photoshoot starring Lily Bergman, Jessica Dawn, and Vuko as Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan, and the history-spanning cast of influential figures from Lincoln to Beethoven, Genhis Kahn to Joan of Arc is concerned, I’m so on-board it’s ridiculous.

Bill and Ted's SEXcellent Adventure

Whatever your pop-culture fancy, be it Naked Lunch or The Nanny, WoodRocket’s likely to have considered skewering it with sex, proving that just because it made you laugh in your teens doesn’t mean it can’t be masturbation fodder of the highest caliber in your adult years.

Mike Adriano’s Anal August

Plenty of male pornstars partake in rear-end penetration of their co-stars. In fact, many have become known for their skill and apparent eagerness for anal sex, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, and Mark Wood among them. The identity of the reigning king of anal porn, however, is not a subject open to much debate. With relentless devotion, a singular vision, and an always reliable performer in himself, director Mike Adriano’s anal addiction is unparalleled in porn. Case in point: this month the maestro of the murky-depths will release not one, not two, but three anally-focused movies on DVD and VOD through his partners Evil Angel. “Three anal movies,” you cry, “Isn’t that too much anal? What could possibly make three anal movies by one guy worth viewing?” Well, I’ll tell ya!

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Tattooed Anal Sluts is the first of Adriano’s bunghole bonanza to see release, hitting the street August 10, and stars the baddest babes in porn today: Lily Lane, Jordyn Shane, Lola Luscious, and dirty-talking darling Dollie Darko. After plowing those four inked harlots, Mike moves on to getting new girls Rachel Madori and Kylie Sinner ready for a career in buggery and welcoming back returning deviants Proxy Paige and Casey Calvert to Asshole Training, due on August 19. A little over a week later, Backdoor Baddies 2 is released, unleashing upon viewers the powerhouse ass-queen AJ Applegate and relative anal newbies Jenna Ivory, Tiffany Doll, Kendall Karson, and Megan Rain. Just who’ll be farting out butter, who’ll be rimming Mike, and whose pussy erupts in a squirting tsunami remains to be seen.

Trailers for Tattooed Anal Sluts #3, Asshole Training, and Backdoor Baddies #2 can now be seen at Evil Angel, where VOD scenes will also soon be available to subscribers. And, just for kicks, heres a little video featuring Kate England to remind you of why Adriano’s the most successful but routinely insulted (read: envied) by viewers who’d give anything to be in the man’s sizable shoes. Great work, Mike Adriano!

Deeper Into Women’s Business

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Having been introduced to the sordid world of India Summer, GirlsWay’s stand-in for Christian “Fifty Shades of” Grey, all glistening skyscrapers, lesbian domination, and psychosexual snares worthy of only the most desirable sub. Chapters one through three detailed the induction of the young, pretty, and submissive Samantha Rone into a dark and dangerous world of sexual manipulation in the executive suite. Leaving off with Vanessa Veracruz, Ms. Summer’s former employee (and more) angling for revenge after her workplace and bedroom/dungeon dismissal in favor of the fresh-faced Samantha. Now, after locating Ms. Summer’s secret daughter (Shyla Jennings) and carefully plotting her revenge, the increasingly over-assertive Ms. Veracruz relieves a little stress with a slave all her own.

India Summer - Business of Women

Since chapter three’s release, another installment of The Business of Women has been aired: Chapter Four – Taking the Bait. “Vigilante dom” Vanessa Veracruz is midway through enacting her vengeful ambitions and has under her control the daughter of her former boss and lover, and current nemesis. With Shyla on her side and also eager for revenge, bringing in Abigail Mac and Charlotte Stokely to help ensnare Samantha. And, hey, guess what – the plan works! Following a deceitful note from “India” herself (actually Charlotte), Samantha finds herself following mysterious orders to submit to the will of Ms. Veracruz’s own erotic underling, Shyla. (Delightfully confused yet? You don’t know the half of it!) Wracked with conflicting emotions, Shyla spills her guts and clues Samantha in to Veracruz’s planned destruction of the woman Samantha says she owes everything to, whom she’d never leave.

The Business of Women is set to conclude in just a few days when Chapter Six is released exclusively at GirlsWay. With a volatile confrontation imminent, India Summer masterfully orchestrating the lives of lesser beings, and both Samantha Rone and Shyla Jennings standing by to throw themselves into the naked, writhing fray at any moment, to defend one mistress or the other, The Business of Women – Part Six: The Showdown is set to engulf your laptop in the fiery flames of aggressive, even rough lesbian sex as only GirlsWay can concoct it.

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