Entertainment | Mr. Pink's Blog

The Force is Strong with Axel Braun

With The Walt Disney Company having just purchased Lucasfilm and all its properties and holdings from chairman, founder, and sole owner, Star Wars creator George Lucas, you might assume porn parodies of Lucasfilm properties have been put on the back burner until the intended parodists can gauge what Disney’s reaction to seeing their latest intellectual property acquisitions dishing out blowjobs and being primed for anal penetration might be. Porn parody master Axel Braun, however, waits for no mouse.

Riding the wave of Star Wars-related news with their own announcement that pre-production on sequels to existing the Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody has already begun, Braun and Vivid Entertainment now hope to have the next parody out by this time next year. “We expect adult movie fans will continue to have an interest in our adult Star Wars parody movies, so we’ve decided to add a third parody film to the two we already have in pre-production,” Braun told AVN., cementing the fourth Star Wars parody and lighting the fires of anticipation in many a fanboy’s loins.

Braun’s first Lucas-unaffiliated effort has been the breakout porn parody success of recent years and even had pop culture site Die Screaming praising the feature for “managing to keep true to the look and feel of the original source material, while injecting a healthy amount of tongue-in-cheek humor,” and praising both the “amazing” graphics and the “dead-on” casting.

If you still haven’t seen Braun’s original Star Wars parody, maybe this SFW trailer will convince you to seek it out. But don’t be alarmed: that sensation you feel rising from just below your guts and urging you to stroke your lightsaber… that’s the force.

Axel Braun Cries “Excelsior!”

It’s all coming together for comic book fan and adult video director Axel Braun. Way back in 1976 superhero giants Marvel and DC created comic history with their joint crossover venture Superman vs The Amazing Spider-Man and the event was a major influence on Mr. Braun. Now that he has solidified his position as the king of superhero-themed porn parodies with the roaring success of his The Dark Knight XXX, Batman XXX, Iron Man XXX, and The Avengers XXX features, as well as two featuring each of the aforementioned icons of their respective companies, Braun makes his boldest move yet: the very first superhero crossover porn parody: Superman vs Spider-Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody.

Set for release in November, the star-studded feature boasts Ryan Driller and Xander Corvus both reprising their respective roles as the titular heroes, Eric Masterson and James Bartholet as the villainous Lex Luther and Doc Ock, but it’s the female stars that everyone will be most looking forward to seeing in action. Kagney Linn Karter dons the red, yellow, and blue as Supergirl, Jenna Presley once again slips into the very, very tight Spider-Woman costume, and Jazy Berlin makes an auspicious debut as Felicia Hardy, a.k.a. The Black Cat while Andi San Dimas and Capri Anderson reprise their roles as our heroes respective love interests, Lois Lane and Mary Jane Watson.

Short of tracking down an original copy of the real crossover and paying upwards of $100, the best way to prepare for Braun’s latest opus is to check out the surprisingly SFW trailer, which will give you just enough glimpses of babes, biceps, and Braun’s signature special FX to get your blood pumping even now, still weeks away from the release.

Seth MacFarlane: Too Busy for Porn

Seth MacFarlane, cartoonist, voice actor, movie director, and Michael Bublé-wannabe, is entering a new phase of his career with a just-announced hosting gig at the 85th annual Academy Awards this coming February. So in-demand is the Family Guy and Ted creator that he’s had to turn down other hosting gigs because he’s too busy. No, not another Comedy Central roast (he’s already done two), but the most prestigious awards ceremony in the nation, the AVNs.

Having offered MacFarlane a gig manning the mic at the upcoming 2013 ceremony, AVN was no doubt disappointed to find the crown prince of televised vulgarity was just too damn busy to present the not-entirely-unphallic glass trophies to porn’s best and bangingest come January next year. As the host of what will be the 30th anniversary of the AVN Awards, MacFarlane could’ve had his choice of porno pussy, but since he just signed a $100 million deal with Fox, I doubt he’s all that hard up for sexual favors.

The Perfect Pornstars

Everyone’s favorite purveyor of celebrity pseudo-porn, Mr. Skin, recently assisted YTD (YouTubeDownloaderSite) in their survey of past AVN Male and Female Performer of the Year winners in an effort to find out who in the celebrity realm comes closest to fans’ idea of the perfect pornstar, both male and female. Before we get to the results, though, let’s take a look at who was analyzed by the researchers, who looked at eye color, hair color, height, weight, age, zodiac signs, US state of origin, and, for the women, measurements and whether or not her bust was artificially enhanced.

AVN Female Performers of the Year (1993 – 2012):

Ashlyn Gere, Debi Diamond, Asia Carrera, Kaitlyn Ashley, Missy, Stephanie Swift, Chloe, Inari Vachs, Jewel De’Nyle, Nikita Denise, Aurora Snow, Ashley Blue, Lauren Phoenix, Audrey Hollander, Hillary Scott, Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, Tori Black, and Bobbi Starr.

AVN Male Performer of the Year (1993 – 2012):

Jonathan Morgan, Jon Dough, Rocco Siffredi, TT Boy, Tom Byron, Lexington Steele, Michael Stefano, Tommy Gunn, James Deen, Evan Stone, and Manuel Ferrara. (Ferrara, Stone, Steele, Byron, and Siffredi all won multiple times.)

So, combine the above listed factors of these performers and who do you think you’d come up with? With the immense database of celebrity identities at Mr. Skin, YTD found that the ultimate female and male pornstars would be none other than the most facially symmetrical MILF in Hollywood, Jessica Alba and the most agreeably sexy Batman in history, Christian Bale. No surprises there, huh?

Aside from being the object of every male movie-goer’s lust, Alba, a 31-year-old Taurus from Califnornia, brought home the proverbial bacon thanks to her 5’6″, 118 lb, 34C-25-24 frame, and her brown hair and eyes. Bale, a Welshman, on the other hand, showed that male pornstars need not be American to win the industry’s highest accolade; his 6′, 180 lb body, green/hazel eyes, and brown hair placed the Dark Knight, a 38-year-old Gemini, among the best and brightest cocksmen of porn.

Wanna see how it all worked out? Here’s the rundown, courtesy of a neat-o burrito infographic by the YTD folks.