Category: Laughs

Blazing with Pornstars

Madison IvyToday, dear friends, is the day when stoners around the world wake up, bake up, and just keep on bakin’ all through the day. Today, good buddies, is 420, April 20th, the big FOUR-TWO-OH; the only day of the calendar year when you can find people blazing up across campuses, nature reserves, public parks, by the beach, and pretty much anywhere else they please. While anyone looking to have a lil’ toke this weekend should definitely keep in mind all applicable laws, whether in a Medical Marijuana State or not. If it’s not, like, totally illegal and shit wherever you are, spark one up and let your freak flag fly – ’cause your favorite pornstar is probably doing the very same thing. Need proof?

Bustacious cock-and-smoke-blower Madison Ivy – seen above with the result of a good day’s work on set – is clearly gearing up for a big day and is putting her engineering skills to work on a monster doobie. Careful not to put someone’s eye out with that, Ms. Ivy!

Self-styled alt.porn stoner chick Kayden Faye (a.k.a.: Kayden 420) is already kicking off celebrations in suitable style, putting on a smoke-filled cam show for her fans.

Marie Luv has already had a few #stonermoments, as you can see from this tweet: a poorly doctored image of Kermit the Frog and… Dude! Fuck! Oscar looks like a giant nug of weed, man! He totally does!

And my favorite stoner pornstar, Charley Chase, who has been exceedingly forthcoming about her 420 celebrations in the past, seems strangely quiet so far. From the looks of things, though, that could be because she’s been squeegeeing her third-eye open for a week in the lead up to 420. Take a look at this pic and tell me she’s not on cloud nine!

Charley Chase

For those who don’t smoke pot and wouldn’t know Jack Herer if he rose from the dead and passed you the dutchie, the weed aspect of 420 Girls might bore you, but the sites has hand picked the hottest stoner girls in adult entertainment and now features them talking about, imbibing, and showing off their stashes of nature’s little miracle weed in true pothead style. Dude, just check out this music video starring one of porn’s most outspoken stoners, Charlie Laine.

So, wherever your 420 takes you, whether you’re a dedicated OG Kush guy, a disciple of Indian Bhang, or someone with a hard-on for the White Widow, stay safe, have fun, and if you see a cool-looking chick with reddened eyes and a sly grin, for chrissakes talk to her! Who knows, you two could end up taking your pot party somewhere a little more private.

Idols Romp in Playboy Mansion

While you sit at home lazing on the sofa dreaming about nabbing a chance to not just step foot inside the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner’s den of deliciously deviant behavior and some of the wildest parties Hollywood has ever known, American Idol’s nine surviving contestants are set to take up residence in, well, not the Playboy Mansion, but a a mansion nonetheless formerly occupied by the cast of Playboy TV’s recent reality fuckfest, “Swing.” Telling TMZ reporters about their relentless sexual adventures while they stayed at the lush ten bedroom Hollywood residence, swingers and former castmates, Michael and Holli also offered some advice to the new Idol occupants: watch where you sit.

“Swing” thrust real couples eager to experiment with open relationships into accommodations built for hooking up with anybody and everybody in sight. As a result, few places were off-limits when it came to satisfying ones desire. Michael and Holli detailed their activities and said no room or surface was off-limits when the swingers started swinging. In showers and elevators, outside, and on every floor and countertop in the residence, you could watch loving men and women share each other with other previously monogamous couples in fairly explicit detail on the Playboy TV show. Idols be warned: Hollywood ain’t the healthiest of towns and you just never know what’ll be stick to the back our your Blackberry should you set it down on a kitchen counter between tweets. And before you go grabbing that guitar and sitting on the music room floor for an impromptu Kumbaya singalong, you might want to check the carpet for stains; it turns out the room where the Idols will practice their warbling was once a mattress-filled pounding palace dubbed by the “The Boom Boom Room” Swing cast. Tasteful.

Blow Me Up Again, Tom

Tom LykisAny heterosexual male living in Southern California is surely aware of Tom Leykis, the talk radio shock-jock who owned the airwaves of the Los Angeles basin for many, many years before his former employer, KLSX on 97.1 FM, decided to change formats and launch an obnoxiously persistent stream of the latest pop disasterpieces. Taking some well earned downtime (and how) in between gigs, Tom Leykis, also known to his students, “sons”, and devoted listeners as “The Professor” or simply “Dad”, has been quietly but confidently building his own self-governed media empire.

The New Normal is the moniker given by Leykis to his new studio, broadcast catalog, and radio brand, and while Leykis hasn’t ever really been known for holding “normal” stances on most subjects, instead letting his libertarian philosophies pound truth somewhat forcibly into the minds of his mostly male audience. Most exciting is Monday’s upcoming official launch of The New Normal’s flagship show. Unsurprisingly presented by The Professor of Poon himself, the master debater so sorely missed on the bullshit-clogged airwaves, The Tom Leykis Show aims to bring back all the things that made Leykis’ former FM broadcasts some of the most controversial in the States.

Taking advantage of the social networking revolution, Leykis and his crew have been blowing up Facebook, Twitter, and their official website of late, posting promos, test broadcasts, and offering subscriptions to The Tom Leykis Show’s inaugural year at The New Normal. ($9.99 gets you one month of archived shows; $99.99 buys a year.) Anyone with an Internet connection, however, can head to Leykis’ homepage, Blow Me Up Tom, and tune in every afternoon at 3.00pm PST for a daily dose of Leykis 101 (Tom’s guide to getting laid cheaply, efficiently, and without the possibility of complications), Ask the Athiest (Tom speaking against the idiocy and ignorance of the religious), Flash Friday (flash your headlights at hot women in traffic and maybe they’ll flash back), and a slew of highly anticipated new features that will no doubt create as much controversy for Leykis as his old antics did, if not more. This is, after all, Tom’s show and now that he, not some faceless corporate entity, holds the reins, we can expect things to be even more brutally honest, borderline misogynist, and (to femi-nazis) violently repulsive than before. The New Normal will have Tom refusing to pull punches and dishing up the real story behind everything that happened in his absence from the airwaves, and on into the future.

And hey, old fans who just want their Professor back to guide them through the muddy swamp that is manhood, fans who just want to be “taken out old school” can rejoice in the wisdom of their surrogate father, leader, teacher, master, Tom motherfucking Leykis!

Charlize Theron: Hilariously Hacked

Charlize Theron sex tapeAside from her Oscar-winning turn as executed serial killer Aileen Wuornos in the 2003 film Monster, there have been very few roles Charlize Theron has played that didn’t cause her to become the subject of sexual daydreams and fantasies in the minds of both men and women all around the world. Today, though, Ms. Theron showed more of herself than ever before and bared her sexuality to a surprised (but not that surprised) public as footage and photos stolen from her cell phone hit the Internet, causing a million instantaneous Sunday erections.

Shown taunting the lens of her camera-phone and promising a scene so scandalous it’d ruin her career if made public and make all other celebrity sex scandals seem like a paparazzi-snapped stroll in Central Park, the South African former model, bares her teeth, gives a piercing stare, and speaks of being “so nervous” about this particular production, her very first sex tape. Wha?

A whip cracks in the background, Theron throws on some eerie avant-garde chanting CD and then it happens; the camera turns to reveal the sultry Oscar winner’s partners in porn, two men gussied up in restrictive leather bondage gear. From the other side of the room, Theron taunts and orders around her slaves, gently instructing them to dance. Then, without warning, a guttural bellow is heard, scalding hot milk is thrown at the muted, immobilized sissies, and the woman who identifies herself as, and most definitely is Charlize Theron is suddenly standing beneath two hooded, masked figures, gyrating against their cloaked bodies and getting dangerously close to fellating their oversized plaster probosces. Who knew A-listers that weren’t Richard Gere got this kinky?*

*Apparently Funny Or Die knew. Those fuckers.