Shockspot – Now It’s Her Turn

ShockSpotLast week, Mr. Pink’s blog covered a technological innovation that enables men to receive pleasure directly from a real live woman via an Internet connection and a pair of devices: RealTouch and RealTouch JoyStick. To recap, RealTouch Interactive puts a man with his RealTouch sleeve and a woman with her RealTouch JoyStick many miles apart and through the miracle of modern technology allows her to manipulate the joystick how she would manipulate the man’s erection, should they be in the same place. Great news, right? Well, not necessarily for the ladies. They put in all the work and are left holding a now-useless rod of plastic and wires while their partner in the webcam show cleans up and logs off. Typical. Intent on finding something to function much like RealTouch Interactive, but with the immediate benefit affording the woman the heights of ecstasy, I went hunting.

Every adult novelty store, kink boutique, and forum for perversion was a dead-end. Nothing could really come close to RealTouch Interactive. Regardless of dildo size, wattage or voltage, or USB-connectivity, distance still stood in the way of a woman’s pleasure. Then, dear readers, I happened upon it. A hulking beast of machine parts, reconditioned motors, and oil-based lubricants, it’s name? Shockspot. Built to enhance the already immensely pleasurable experience so many women have had riding a Sybian, Shockspot takes the concept of a motorized penetrative pleasure device to a whole new level. With the provided software and a little techno-aptitude, any woman willing to lay down a few grand for a Shockspot can have the device literally fuck her so perfectly she won’t believe it’s not, like, Brad Pitt (or whoever most dames fantasize about these days).

Shockspot’s software (for Windows only) allows the user to customize every three-dimensional movement the machine can make and, planted behind or in front of a desperately horny woman, there’s no limit to the potential thrusting precision and cervix-tapping power of a machine, a monster of metal and circuitry, made to be the ultimate in “fucking machines”. Tailored by the blissed out receiver (and her attached dong or dildo), Shockspot fucks hard or soft, slow or fast, deep or shallow, and vibrates according to whatever its controls are set to. What power! To hold the controls to such a machine in one’s hand and know that, intimacy and commitment issues be damned, you’re about to be plowed and plundered by something far more satisfying than any mere man, far more obedient than some ignorant slob, and as relentless and persistent as any slam-dunking power forward. In short: self-determined sexual bliss.

Ok, so the Shockspot website doesn’t explicitly mention anything about the device being a long-distance-relationship aid or a transcontinental live interactive sex toy, but it’s only a matter of time. I’ve already seen a couple of webcam models who have bought or are planning to buy their very own Shockspot with the intention of allowing their romantically-challenged patrons the chance to man the boards and “fuck” her how they want to. The software isn’t yet publicly available to operate Shockspot in a truly remote sense, but you can be sure it exists, whether at Shockspot HQ or in the backwoods of the sexually-depraved Internet in the hot little code-happy hands of some hacker genius who has no idea the tidal wave of thigh-shuddering orgasms he just unleashed upon a unsuspecting world.

Face it, fellas, with “toys” like this on the market, “toys” that allow women to pound their own pussies in whatever way they please, we’re pretty much future-fucked.

RealTouch Gets Realer

RealTouch InteractiveRemember RealTouch, the male masturbation aid that allegedly feels about as close to actual vaginal penetration as current technologies can offer? Well, it may have impressed you back when it was first announced in 2008, but RealTouch just got a whole lot realer. The latest evolution of the device has been dubbed RealTouch Interactive and it gives the sleeve in which you nervously insert your penis a partner in carnal thrills: RealTouch JoyStick. But what does this allegedly interactivity entail? Couldn’t it be said that the original RealTouch, which reacted to the onscreen movements of your chosen RealTouch pornstar to provide you with a simulated sexual experience with that very woman, was also interactive? In short, dear readers, what gives?

RealTouch Interactive uses the RealTouch sleeve device and a partnered joystick to simulate the physical act of penetrative sex not with a pornstar, but with a real live woman. It works thanks to the miracle of “haptic technology” (whatever that is) and, for example, can provide long-distance couples with a way to keep the flames of passion alive while being out of reach. The woman takes in her hand the JoyStick controller and strokes it in whatever way she sees fit. The guy, on the other hand, seems to have little to do but sit back and let his partner work her manual magic. Man, isn’t this exactly what we’ve all been dreaming about since the very first time we heard about that thing called “virtual reality”?

RealTouch Interactive is currently in beta testing and participation is reserved for those who already own a RealTouch and are members of the RealTouch Network. What those folks who apply and are chosen to participate can expect is a little unclear at the moment. It does appear, though, that RealTouch Interactive can currently only be used, and possibly will only ever be used, for indirect simultaneous physical pleasure bestowed upon the lucky guy by a webcam model. Bummer, dude.

Still, what a world, eh? Who would’ve thought that such an ingenious sexual aid would arrive this early into the 21st Century? Certainly not all those guys out there making do with various homemade masturbation aids like a ziplock back inside a tightly wrapped towel, a toilet paper tube with a wet dish cloth stuffed inside, or, shit, even that well worn hole in the back of their favorite sofa cushion. If only these guys could get in on the RealTouch Interactive beta testing crew and let all of us eager beaverless brothers know how thrilling this latest and greatest virtual sex experience actually feels.

(And, yes, I’m still waiting for RealTouch to throw a porn reviewer a complimentary bone, or, more accurately, somewhere high-tech to shove mine.)

Fleshlight Fucks the iPad

Fleshlight iPadThis year, notorious Kevin Smith-endorsed product, Fleshlight, took home two AVN Awards, Best Sex Toy Company – Large, and Best Sex Toy for Men, but the biggest news to come out of Fleshlight HQ of late concerns a brand new attachment that will finally enable Fleshlight users to pound the mouths, pussies, and asses of porn’s hottest women in a far more intimate way than ever before.

Catching the eye of Gizmodo’s Kyle Wagner, a prototype by TV Miller designed to allow the customer to “interactively reach self-gratification, with various prerecorded multimedia designed specifically for the tablet-penis interface,” caused a stir and led to an exploratory article by Wagner that reached Fleshlight HQ down in Austin, Texas. Fleshlight COO Brian Shubin responded by confirming that the product is in development but refused to provide any additional details at this time. “It’s another exciting product we have in development at the moment. We are always looking to improve our user experience and this will be a way to take it to another level.”

Although a release date hasn’t yet been confirmed of even hinted at, Shubin did tell eager technobaters to keep checking back with Fleshlight for updates. Fuckable iPads… who’d a thunk it?! In fact, with a bit of imagination and the right tools, as this photo from Gizmodo commenter Randy Sexer shows, you could already be in vicarious fucking heaven… or something.

Rock Fleshlight iPad

World’s Fastest Sex Toy

Multi-speed vibrators were once an impressive feat of manufacturing, but now seem pretty damn dull. In an effort to bring some spectacle back into the sex toy industry and to test out the limits of their Velvet Obsession Bullet, Synergy Erotic strapped their 800-horse-power mini-vibrator into the passenger side of a Dodge Stratus drag-racer. Reaching an amazing 4Gs during launch and set a new landspeed record as the fastest sex toy on the planet. The driver, Lisa Licksalot brought the vehicle to a top speed of 182mph, but the waterproof Bullet never skipped, stalled, or froze, keeping its consistent, powerful vibrations throughout the entire the quarter mile sprint.

Synergy Erotic CEO, Bob Wolf called the experiment “a bold and brazen attempt to fly in the face of all the naysayers who said, nay YELLED, ‘It can’t be done!’ Not only does Synergy Erotic make the finest sex toys known to man, we also make the fastest and quickest. Going out on a limb and proving our point in such a brutal, hazardous environment is what differentiates Synergy Erotic from the competition!”

As for Ms. Licksalot, well, she is reportedly in talks to star in a “tasteful” photoshoot with the surviving Velvet Obsession Bullet, which, although battered and bruised, remains completely functional.