It’s almost Halloween, which means it’s almost Thanksgiving, which means the season for spending big on your loved ones is quickly approaching and destined to send you straight to the poor house if you’re not careful. One way to avoid emerging from the holiday season broker than you’d like is to disregard your qualms of social impropriety and straight-up flip any gift card you’re presented with. Now, me personally, I used to throw most gift cards on eBay unless branded with a fast food logo, but with more and more thoughtful, considerate, deeply intimate and personal gift giving going the way of a plastic card with a corporate logo and a dollar amount attached, it’s more and more likely I’ll re-purpose said gift cards as substitute cash with which to purchase a membership to an adult website of premium entertainment value. But which one? How many accept gift cards and aren’t they straight-up scams? Hell no, bro, and please, allow me to elaborate.
Currently accepting payment via branded gift card (with various respective conditions and restrictions attached, obviously) is a plethora of porn sites, each one guaranteed great (or at least very good) by Mr. Pink’s expertly-crafted porn reviews. Ranging from extreme kink to celebrity sex tapes and the big guns of mainstream porn, these sites all offer a way for you to not only buy porn without spending any actual money of your own but to also placate the gifter who asks if you found a use for the $25 Target card they obligingly tossed your way last Christmas. Each site is here listed with one example payment exchange and how much porn access it’ll net you. Please be sure to check details at each site before proceeding with payment.
Video vendor supreme, Videobox, not only offers one of the best porno deals around, but it now accepts gift cards in lieu of well-concealed cash, an altogether safer option. How does 50 days of membership for your $25 Outback Steakhouse gift card sound? Better than a bloomin’ onion, that’s for sure.
At Naughty America, you can buy access at roughly $1-a-day, with a $15 Starbucks card netting you 16 days with MILFs, teens, and Virtual Reality smut. (Although a leader in gift card porn payment processing, Naughty America only allows re-gifting members to stream, not download.)
Denys Defrancesco’s acclaimed Euro-porn empire, DDF Network, will eagerly take your $42 Target gift card and hand over 27 days inside one of Europe’s largest and most impressive adult networks. Consider it a gift to you from Denys himself. Or vice versa.
Chaotic and colorful and loaded with more teenage and mature-aged pussy than your average Cat Fanciers’ Association Show, Reality Kings holds up its roster of 44 websites and, yep, takes gift cards for access. Hell, if you’ve got $200 for Best Buy, you can turn that into more than two years as a Reality King!
Mofos, “the motherfuckers of porn” with eleven sites to their credit, will take your $25 of Applebee’s fun bucks and turn them into 16 days of pornographic wonderment. Mofos recently cut downloads, though, so like Naughty America it’s streaming-only.
Spizoo’s ‘World Class Entertainment’ can be enjoyed for roughly $7.50-a-week, taking your Walmart-branded $25 and giving you 30 days of access to such sites as Drain My Balls, Intimate Lesbians, and The Stripper Experience.
Vivid’s porn parodies, celebrity sex tapes, and blockbuster hardcore features can be enjoyed en masse, your $40 Cheesecake Factory gluttony-pass scoring you two months of access. Twistys, another porno purveyor that bridges tasteful erotica with deeply intimate bonking, will, in turn, trade you 45 days of access for a $50 Target card, which sure beats buying new linens.
Sexually Broken, Infernal Restraints, and Hard Tied might not fit in with the other gift-card-accepting adult sites, but accept gift cards is exactly these masterful kink producers do, giving new members the chance to sample the normally expensive sites for 6 days in exchange for a $15 gift card. It’s not the most value-heavy deal here, no, but you’d be buying the hardest of hardcore BDSM porn with a fucking American Eagle Outfitters gift card. If that doesn’t make the transaction a supremely memorable one, what will?
So, while you endeavor to turn gift cards into sexual gratification this holiday season – and as you keep a close eye on Mr. Pink’s for any further vendor announcements – keep your cock happy, your hands busy, and your conscience clean. Convert your unwanted gift cards into cold hard porno-buyin’ credit or, if none of your favorite sites are yet accepting gift cards, throw them in a buddy’s direction with a noted recommendation attached. Make like Haley Joel Osment and pay the fucking forward!
