#cocksinsocksshocks

Awareness raising charities have never been more prevalent than they are now – see recent hubbubs over Lady Gaga’s youth empowerment-focused Born This Way Foundation and Jenny McCarthy’s anti-vaccine Generation Rescue and that whole Pink Ribbon for breast cancer campaign started by the Susan G. Komen organization – but until recently it had seemed most campaigns that took to social media for disbursement were mainly spread and supported by women posting make-up-free selfies and supposedly leukemia-focused cleavage parading. The fellas have finally joined in the fun of (reported) fundraising, snapping selfies that, save for a well placed sock, would be utterly, totally naked. And it’s all in the name of raising awareness of testicular cancer… or prostate cancer… whichever one you like, I guess. (As a movement, it does seem a little unfocused.)

Cocks in Socks

Now, far be it from to claim a double standard when there are so many held against women but not us men, but why does it seem perfectly acceptable in the eyes of so many vocal Instagram and Twitter users (and, if you believe they’re legitimate, Buzzfeed commenters) that all men depicted in the celebratory articles are tall, fit, muscular, and, largely, tattooed and sporting some kind of hip hair style, cranial or facial? Isn’t spouting “Hot damn… Um.. please excuse me while I change my panties ;p” in regard to the valiant effort of brave, selfless men exposing their most vulnerable states to an anonymous global audience a little, well, sexist? Wouldn’t the same comment be downvoted to all hell if posted by a man in response to, say, #titsinmitts? Way to treat us like pieces of meat, ladies! And exactly how does Buzzfeed, HuffPo and other news and content aggregators racking up millions of page views (and advertising dollars) on the backs of these boys and their barely-sheathed tackle help fight… whatever cancer is allegedly the focus here?

Celibate and Sad – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink,

I have a sexual hang-up. When I was in my late teens, my parents walked in to find my boyfriend going down on me. I was humiliated! They screamed, grounded me, and treated me horribly until I finally left for college and unfortunately, didn’t come back often for visits. Every time I would see them, I could still hear the things they said and the names they called me. It was so traumatic, it’s made me feel ashamed and dirty to partake in what should be exciting acts of sexual closeness. I’m now almost 30 years old and every relationship I’ve had has ended the same way, I want to be intimate, but, I can’t recover from the disgrace.

– Celibate and Sad 🙁

Dear Friend;

It’s not an easy thing to overcome humiliation in any form, but, when it’s sexual, it seems to root deeply and not want to release. Being “discovered” by a friend or stranger would be embarrassing, but, to have it be your parents, yes, the trauma would be very hard to forget. Not only are we raised to believe sexual acts are taboo, and, that training begins at a early age,…”Don’t masturbate, it will make you go blind!” or, “If you touch yourself, you’ll grow hair on your palms!” So, combining that stigma, along with the forever striving to make our parents proud, only to be caught in a “personal situation,” such as that, it’s one of those, “just let me find a hole and crawl in,” scenarios.

Being caught would have been humiliating all on its own accord, but, it sounds as if the reaction of your parents is what’s caused the scarring upon your sexual libido. Your feelings have probably gone from humiliation to anger and then, back and forth a few times.

You’re nearly 30 years old, it’s time to cut the umbilical cord, release yourself from their stern words and discipline. As long as you allow their words to continue haunting your thoughts, you’re allowing them the victory they were striving for. You weren’t doing anything wrong, or at least nothing that a very large percentage of the world’s population wasn’t doing at that age, it’s over and done with, it’s very much time to move on.

You’re no longer under their roof and they have no say as to who’s between your thighs! Open your mind and your legs, recall how good it all felt before they stepped into your zone of arousal, you’re missing out on the many wonders and wetness of softcore and hardcore sex. If it takes counseling, get it, if you think you can move past it on your own, then by all means…move, but, it doesn’t sound as if that’s happening very easily. Even though you were free to come and go, it’s as if they still have you locked in the attic, an outcast to the family, it’s time you forgive them and yourself.

You’re a grown woman, with needs, wants and desires, but no relationship because you’re allowing them to block the erotic endorphins. Take a deep breath, square your shoulders, put on sexy lingerie and get back in touch with the world of orgasmic pleasure.

Pubic Hair Sprouts Back

Bush Vol 1

According to The New York Times, the decade-long trend of bald (or at least largely shaven) female pubes has turned around of late with more and more women opting for a more natural, “fuller” look. Citing advice from actress (and now author) Cameron Diaz, quotes from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Iron Man 3 press junket interviews, a Lady Gaga photoshoot and the continued career of reluctant pubic groomer and actress Abby Hoffman, NYT writer Marisa Meltzer makes the claim that the Brazilian and High Bikini waxes are on the way out in US cities from New York to Portland, OR, but seems to neglect one source of pubic pop-culture factoids: pornography.

Take a gander through the ranks of porn’s brightest young starlets and you’ll see plenty of bush on the likes of Riley Reid, Holly Michaels, Dani Daniels, and Chastity Lynn. In fact, bang on three years ago back in 2011, Elegant Angel released Bush, a pubic hair-loving hardcore romp that reintroduced audiences to the hottest tufted women in porn, including Kimberly Kane, Bobbi Starr, and Kristina Rose.

Bush Vol. 2Bush was followed by two more installments of this burgeoning series and welcomed multiple AVN nominees, one of whom, Jessie Andrews, also a Best Actress winner, Miley Cyrus music video co-star, and dance club DJ whose names has appeared in print in a NYT edition on not one, not two, but four separate occasions. But, no, heaven forbid we look to porn to see what less vocal people are doing (or wish they are) in their bedrooms. It’s simply untenable that such an affront to all human decency (both the Patriarchy’s and Feminism’s) could be the basis for an assessment of human domestic habits! Anyone willing to look, though, would certainly find one thing: bush (and quite a bit of it, too).

Quick Release – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comMissy Pink,

So I’m an older male, 38 years old, but my sexual excitement is like that of a teenager, meaning I can’t hold out long enough to pleasure my wife through intercourse, I cum too fast. She doesn’t complain, but it bothers me, and I don’t know how to make sure she’s satisfied and not disappointed.

Quick Release

Dear Friend;

There are many things about sex that statistics seem to rule, such as, and among other things, “How long should intercourse last?” Too many studies, too much data gathered, with an enormous amount of money spent and complexes created by the bottom line of their investigations. No two people are alike in any manner, which includes their sexual practices, and buried upon a hill somewhere is no stone to overturn, holding all of the secrets of life and sex.

If your wife hasn’t complained, that’s always a good sign. Have you asked her if she feels sexual satisfaction when in bed with you, or are you going by your own assumption and feeling of inadequacy? There are times when we’re our own worse erotic enemy. If we could free our minds and just enough the moments, however many they may be, that is where the true satisfaction lies.

Locker room talk with the boys, movies, television shows, and your favorite porn sites all paint a picture that gives a high bar to live up to. The fact that you’re this concerned about your spouse’s orgasmic satisfaction speaks volumes, and kudos to you for being thoughtful.

Maybe your concentration should turn more towards foreplay than the actual finish line. What the male gender forgets at times is the fact, for women, being intimate isn’t always about a mind blowing orgasm, it’s the physical and emotional closeness of being with someone we care about that makes it special and endearing. Spend time applying oral sex, allow her to cum once, or more of course, to feel her excitement rippling across hard nipples and a swollen clitoris. Touch her gently, use your fingers in a tender manner to turn her on from head to toe. The more aroused she is, the more excited she’ll feel about having you penetrate her, and also, how much she’ll WANT you to cum, to know that you have reached completion, caused by making her feel like a woman first of all.

There are no written rules, it’s all about what feels good to you both. If you continue beating yourself up over this issue, you’re going to find much enjoyment leaving your sexual sessions.

If it would make you feel better, see your family doctor, rule out anything physical and then just pride yourself on the fact that you still have the sexual drive of a younger male, I’m sure your wife appreciates that fact about you much more than you realize.

When you get home from work, have a talk with the Mrs., tell her how you’re feeling and what your doubts are, honesty first, orgasm second. Once you iron out all of the details, turn dinner down to simmer, you’ll be getting plenty to eat in the bedroom!