In Search of Porn’s Most Authentic Cinco de Mayo

Frida Sante

Cinco de Mayo may have originated in celebration of Mexico’s triumph over the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862, but to most in the Western World it’s now little more than an excuse to throw on a sombrero, down too many cervezas, and insult your neighbors of Mexican heritage. It’s also a day on which porn sites tend to unleash three kinds of celebratory scenes: ones with sombreros, tacos, and salsa; ones with luchadores; ones with genuine Mexicans. This year, on the eve of Cinco de Mayo, we have all three.

My Family Pies, part of the booming Nubiles Porn empire, offers up Anya Olsen (not Latina) along with her “friend” Samantha Hayes (not Latina) and “stepbrother” Logan Long (beardy white dude), in a three-way sexual entanglement that starts with Cinco de Mayo decorations but takes a raunchy turn when both girls reveal themselves panty-less. (The tacos and salsa are mercifully only referenced, not used.)

Reality Kings always delivers on a holiday but this time around things seem a little, well, nutty. Charles Dera often pulls a face like Metallica’s Lars Ulrich whacking away at this snare drum, but paired here with Julz Gotti and Sophia Leone (both Latina!), his mug (and mustache) is covered by a red-and-silver luchador mask. In your basic luchador-crashes-party and two-girls-one-cock scenario, Dera gets himself a serious workout with the delightful duo once everyone heads home early.

Frida Sante – a genuine Mexican; like, the born in Mexico kind! struts her utterly marvelous stuff over at Team Skeet’s resident Latina-banging-bonanza, Oye Loca. Not only is the scene synopsis the most tame (and tolerable) yet, but the scene itself is damn near perfect for the occasion. Ms. Sante – who’s recently been exploring DP, DVP, TP and other exciting acronyms in Europe – here simply introduces herself, talks a little about growing up in Mexico, then proceeds to demonstrate one of the finest sexual performances this reviewer has so far this year.

For a remarkably un-Mexican Cinco de Mayo scene, head to My Family Pies. For a double-dose of Latina ladies (and a luchador), it’s RK Prime. But if it’s authenticity you’re after, a real taste of the genuine article, Oye Loca and Frida Sante are absolutely where it’s at.

Easter’s Bouncing Bunnies!

The porn world sees damn near every public holiday or celebratory day of loosened inhibitions as a chance to indulge in some rather ludicrous fantasies. St. Patrick’s Day sees young women playing cock-hungry leprechauns. At Christmas, every porn starlet seems to don a Santa hat or wrap herself in ribbons and bows. Easter, the Christian festival commemorating the death and resurrection of Christ, may seem like an odd holiday to inject into hardcore entertainment, but there’s one Easter element that’s totally fair game to the generally religiously apathetic porn world: the Easter Bunny.

Brazzers Easter porn

A number of major porn networks are getting in on the Easter action this year, casting a handful of porn’s most vigorous cock-riders to don a cute pair of bunny ears, a small fluffy tail, and bounce their incredible bodies all over their gobsmacked partner. Kicking things off early over a week ago, Nubiles Porn site Moms Teach Sex had Jennifer White and her rabbit-costumed husband get into a spot of saucy confusion when Jen’s stepson finds the costume and decides to embark on a mother- and sister-fucking Easter adventure for more confusing even than most step-cest scenarios.

Team Skeet site Exxxtra Small also gussied up some guy in a kinda-sorta-creepy bunny suit, but thankfully he got paired with a delightful spinner named Summer Brooks. Also wearing bunny ears and a tiny tail, Summer proceeds to hook up with her newfound friend and they attempt to repopulate the Earth with, uh, humans dressed as bunnies, I guess. (I’ll be damned if Ms. Brooks doesn’t look scorching in those POV shots, though!)

Valentina Nappi was already almost impossibly sexy but appearing at Bang Bros with bunny ears perched on her head, her body squeezed into a tiny white bikini, and a desire to show her new pal Donny Rock a trick or two. Sliding off her bikini bottoms and opening her thighs, Valentina proceeds to pushes Easter eggs from her perfect ass. That’s enough for Donnie to drop any pretense and he whips his cock out for an oral, vaginal, and anal filling as only the incomparable Ms. Nappi can provide.

The most bombastic and visually extravagant Easter special to appear in porn this year, Baby Got Boobs over at Brazzers brings a candy-colored feast starring two of porn’s most voluptuous new stars. Ella Knox and Giselle Palmer wear barely-there lacy one-pieces with the requisite tails and ears, and look so good to each other that bodies meet and fluids start flowing well before Van Wylde even enters. Once he does, though, the pair lovingly work him into an eruptive frenzy, catching his load on their chins, bowties, and ample breasts.

The “reason for the season” notwithstanding, porn seems to be celebrating Easter in all the right ways. A variety of personalities, body types, and sexual attitudes all gearing up for a chocolate-fueled long weekend or bouncing and riding to remember. After no doubt denying yourself self-pleasure during Lent (“LOL”), what better way to enjoy the Easter holidays!

Bang Bros Go Green with St. Paddy’s Double

The one day every year on which everyone (of a certain level of intoxication) claims to be Irish, St. Patrick’s Day, is right around the corner and (if you’ll allow your faithful porn critic to offer his suggestion for your Saturday) the online pornosphere is already donning tight green hot-pants, getting loaded on whiskey and Guinness, and throwing itself at you, the nearest available warm body, in search of some company. What do you say, folks? Care for a boozy romp with two bold new porno revelations courtesy of our ol’ pals the Bang Bros?

Honey Gold

First to arrive at Bang Bros HQ this St. Paddy’s Day season, landing at Bang Bros 18 on Wednesday, was a curvaceous, thick-lipped expert cock-rider, sultry Chinese-American newcomer Jade Kush, who threw herself at her scolding stepfather in lieu of taking her ultra-slutty outfit to a party as planned. Ryan McLane takes the reigns and has the Chicago-born Ms. Kush sliding up and down his glistening shillelagh with the camera capturing some stunning rear-end shots.

Having avoided the total absurdity of much holiday porn in its first offering, Bang Bros leaves it to Brown Bunnies and the always enthusiastic Honey Gold to bring the funnies. Left alone to dress before a big party – perhaps the same one Jade planned to attend; do I smell a threesome? – Honey gives the camera some lusty body-shots as she squeezes into a tight white top and green booty shorts, spied on the whole time by her peeping pervert of a stepbrother. Busting him at her barely-cracked bedroom door, she insists on teaching the little fucker a lesson. peeling off her shorts and straddling his face, Honey forces him to devour her “pot of gold” as, again, we’re treated to glorious low-angle shots of her slender body cavorting against his mouth. Soon, she’s demanding cock and sucking it through a literal pot of (fake) gold, squirting on her nice clean bedspread, and taking her kinda-sorta-relative’s load on her tongue, gold coins strewn about her body and the floor.

Now, I know the lure of free-flowing liquor and shit-faced revelry is strong – believe me, I know, I’m sometimes tempted belt out It’s a Long Way to Tipperary after a few too many Connemaras – but with utter pornographic delights such as the two women featured this week at Bang Bros, who needs sunlight, social activity, or genuine human contact, Irish or otherwise?

Bang Bros review