Sola Aoi Fights for Chinese-Japanese Friendship

Sola AoiHere in the West, we’ve come to regard Japanese sexual entertainment as the adult equivalent of absurdist theater. Incorporating soiled panties, strange bathing rituals, rope bondage, mass collective facials, and animated depictions of inter-species tentacle sex, much Japanese porn is simply too bizarre for most Western viewers. AV Idols, however, are a different story.

Largely working in what Western audiences might identify as a “tease” genre, Japanese AV performers (called Idols) usually have short careers of only a few years in which they pose in modeling videos focusing on a single overriding character or theme. Late chronicler of Japanese sexual habits and adult commerce, Nicholas Bornoff, wrote in his 1991 book, Pink Samurai: The Pursuit and Politics of Sex in Japan, that such characters include “the prim office lady, the virgin-next-door, the randy farm girl, the leotarded aerobics enthusiast, the sexy predator in the hot-spring resort and, last but not least, the self-assertive slut who is put in her place by being gangbanged on the floor of the cutting room.”

One AV idol refuses to be restrained by such stereotypes and has broadened her appeal by appearing in a Thai movie, a South Korean TV drama, and even embarking on a career in South Korea as a singer! But not only has Sola Aoi sought to expand her reach into non-erotic markets, she also seems to want to just, you know, do good. What, with tensions continuing to escalate between Japan and China over ownership of a cluster of small uninhabited islands in the East China Sea, she’s really going to intervene? With what, her tits?

To be continued…

Former Priest’s Obscene In-Flight Entertainment

MrPinksYou may have heard that a 63-year-old Reno man was recently busted for watching porn on his laptop and fondling himself mid-air on a SouthWest flight late last week, but did you know the guy is also recently defrocked priest of the Claretians order? Turns out the guy, who used the in-flight WiFi service to augment his barely concealed masturbatory fondling, was ejected from the order for, according to a 2002 article in the Austin American-Statesman, “alleged inappropriate contact with a minor, though an investigation found no evidence of violence or sexual abuse.”

Gee, thanks Padre! Now those of who who respectfully reserve our in-flight porn viewing for when we’re lucky enough to nab a seat in the rear-most aisle so as not to disturb or disrupt the other, more delicate passengers will now likely have to run all our in-flight Internet usage through content filters. There goes my catching up on AVN news bulletins during a red eye. Bye-bye some dude showing his buddy a photo of the pornstar he met while partying it up in Vegas. There goes your ability, dear reader, to  watch an episode of Red Shoe Diaries streamed on Hulu Plus instead of trying not to watch five straight hours of some animated shit on the screen belonging to the dumb-ass brat sitting in front of you, the brat who has reclined so far back he spilled your G&T and is preventing your kneecaps from breathing that stale in-flight air.

Well, at least, I suppose, we can content ourselves with the knowledge that this is one guy who won’t be whipping it out in public again anytime soon. Now if only the San Francisco Public Library system would install masturbation detectors, we could all read in peace, too.

Ice Cream Jokesters Can’t Take a Joke

Ben & Cherry's
Caballero Home Video

Ice cream company, Ben & Jerry’s, has sued adult film companies Rodax Distributors and Caballero Video, alleging that the release of hardcore pornographic films bearing titles similar to those given to their own internationally famous ice-cream products will likely cause “confusion, mistake or deception” and leave hungry confectionery fans bewildered. Uh, I didn’t get any sweaty testicles in my tub of Schweddy Balls, fellas! What gives?

In an apparent lack of self-awareness and a notable loss of any sense of humor, Ben & Jerry’s found the forthcoming Ben & Cherry’s porn DVDs so offensive that they immediately issued a threatening lawsuit that has unfortunately resulted in the targeted titles, which include Boston Cream Thigh, New York Fat & Chunky, and Peanut Butter D-Cup, from retail shelves around the country. Rodax and Caballero filed a federal consent order in Manhattan Tuesday that specifies that they will now destroy all materials related to the titles.

So, let me get this straight: Ben & Jerry’s can make mad bank with immature double entendre names for ice cream products – names like Schweddy Balls, the Hindu-mocking Karamel Sutra, and Chubby Hubby (briefly also known as Hubby Hubby) – but they can’t take a joke, let alone an obvious parody (a staple of the adult industry) when it “threatens” their registered copyrights? What do they expect, some choc fudge craving holy terror to just blindly wander into an adult establishment, pick up a DVD case, pry open the seal and start chowing down? What’s next, Bill Cosby suing the makers of Not The Cosby Show XXX because it really isn’t the Cosby Show?

Fred Willard: Busted for Beat-Off

Remember when Paul “Pee-Wee Herman” Ruebens was busted for masturbating in a Florida porn theater back in 1991 and how it all but ruined his career for a good eight or nine years? Well, Fred Willard, star of TV’s Fernwood Tonight and Modern Family, and films like Anchorman and Best in Show, is facing the same crisis of celebrity after also being found beating-off in Hollywood Tiki Theater, a theater screening adult movies, by LAPD officers.

Willard was arrested on July 18 after an LAPD officer conducting a “walk-through” in the theater allegedly found the comedian engaging in a “lewd act”. While many news outlets have been reporting the act as masturbation, plain and simple, Willard offered his version of events on Twitter.

The film in question? Well, at the time of his arrest Willard would’ve been watching one of three movies playing on a rotating schedule: Follow Me 2 (Evil Angel), Official The Client List Parody (Zero Tolerance), or Relax He’s My Stepdad 2 (Combat Zone). Instead of venturing out into (relative) public world to, uh, enjoy himself with a porn movie, perhaps Willard should’ve stayed home. That’s the sentiment behind an offer from Gamelink, an adult video-on-demand service; an offer of a lifetime supply of V.O.D. minutes and a free masturbator sex toy of his choice.

Man, maybe I should start beating off in theaters, too!