Porn Parodies | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 3

Axel Braun: Man of Iron

Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody It seems there’s no stopping the superhero movie juggernaut. Not only did Joss Whedon’s movie adaptation of Marvel’s The Avengers become the third highest-grossing film of all time soon after its May 2012 release, but it cemented plans for more Marvel properties to make the transition from printed page to silver screen and the already widespread availability of explicit adult parodies of said Marvel properties into overdrive. The undisputed king of porn parodies, Axel Braun has already turned his hand to Marvel characters more than once – his XXX interpretations of Spider-Man, She-Hulk, and The Avengers won rave reviews and confirmed porn parodies as the hottest ticket in town – and now the master is turning his hand to, of all things, the story of a dying man imprisoned in a suit of iron.

The success of two previous Iron Man films, along with Robert Downey, Jr.’s charisma, might’ve guaranteed a ton of pre-release interest for the forthcoming Iron Man 3, but such hype doesn’t always translate into sales of a derivative porn parody. With Braun’s track record, though, he’s not likely worried. The trailer for his upcoming Iron Man XXX parody has finally been unveiled and, boy, it doesn’t look like Braun’s pulled any punches this time around.

Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody stars Dale DaBone as billionaire industrialist Tony Stark and as his armored superhero alter-ego, Iron Man. DaBone is joined by superbabes Lexi Belle, Brooklyn Lee, Shazia Sahari, and Skin Diamond, with Lexington Steele reprising his crucial role as Nick Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. But who landed the pivotal role as the movie’s villain, The Mandarin, played in the official film by Ben Kingsley, I can hear you asking? Watch the trailer, bro – it answers all your questions and raises a few new ones, all in preparation for the release of Iron Max XXX: An Axel Braun Parody next month.

Kimberly Kane is Wonder Woman

The early 21st century wave of pornographic parody movies, the one we’re currently wading in the oh-so-pleasant waters of, has already seen two attempts to immortalize DC Comics’ iconic warrior princess, Princess Diana of Themyscria. The first, Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody arrived in 2010 from Mile High saw Tori Black don the red, white, blue, and gold armor of trendy mod boutique proprietor Diana Prince’s alter-ego, while it was Chanel Preston who wielded the Lasso of Truth in director Rob Black’s Wonder Woman Interactive: A XXX Adventure Game Parody. Of these two valiant parody efforts, fanboys still seemed to feel that Diana’s time hadn’t yet come, parody-wise, but that’s all set to change with the meeting of this Princess and parody porn’s reigning king.

Axel Braun, the director responsible for porn’s biggest parodies movies and the winner of an astonishing ten AVNs including three Director of the Year awards in three years, knew he’d have a tough job finding exactly the right person for his Wonder Woman but after auditioning more than a dozen actresses and seeing many excellent interpretations, Kimberly Kane stood head and shoulders above the rest.

Kane, who stands 5’9″ tall, 134 lbs, 36B-26-35, seems an appropriate physical fit for the Amazonian warrior princess. who’ll be a more adult rendering in Braun’s film. “What [Kane] brings to the character is the image of a strong, independent woman,” Braun said. “The movie deals with the Wonder Woman story in a much darker, more adult way. She’s not going to be the goody-two-shoes that she was in the ’70s. She’s a woman, she kicks ass. And Kim can definitely kick serious ass.”

With three weeks of intensive physical training bringing her to tip-top, fighting-fit shape, Kane, who previously worked with the director on Star Wars XXX, This Ain’t the Expendables XXX, and Batman XXX porn parodies, seems more than ready for the role, telling AVN “It feels good to be trusted with another of his mega roles.”

To see just how well she’ll do as the famed Wonder Woman, we’ll have to wait a while. Until then, though, Kane promises to keep enthusiasm high, even amidst the potential embarrassment of her promised onslaught of TwitPics showing her previous, more youthful, no doubt adorably awkward attempts at slipping into those white-starred underpants, telling “I was Wonder Woman for Halloween for like 10 years… so I can’t wait to share those pics on Twitter!”

Axel Braun’s as-yet untitled Wonder Woman parody went into production this week.

Just Because They Suck You… Doesn’t Mean They Like You!

It’s not inconceivable that even before the rise of parody porn, wannabe Hollywood auteur Kevin Smith hoped and dreamed that his debut feature film, Clerks, would strike such a chord with contemporary society that it’d eventually be turned into something even more pornographic than his dialogue. Now, almost twenty years after Clerks’ 1994 release, a Clerks porn parody is available from Vivid Entertainment.

Providing the Clerks slackers with far more sexual opportunities than the original film, Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody sees Allie Haze and Lexi Swallow fill the presumably loosely-tied boots of Dante and Randall as Dana and Randi, who spend their workday embroiled in all sorts of lewd and lascivious (and presumably humorous) situations. Joining Haze and Swallow are Chastity Lynn as Jane and Kelly Devine as Silent Bertha, the gender-bending XXX versions of Jay and Silent Bob. Other performers include Jayden Lee, Seth Gamble, Brian Street Team, and Evan Stone as the most obnoxious series of customers imaginable – yes, every one.

Clerks XXX is now available for viewing at Vivid’s online HQ, but those who want the full “rise of the indies” experience should pick up the DVD release, which includes a non-hardcore black-and-white version. Although with presumably better dialog recordings than Smith’s original. Oh, and Smith has been unusually silent about this highly explicit tribute, perhaps too immersed in his adored and officially endorsed Fleshlight to pay it much mind.

Spice Up Your Solo Sex Life

British four-piece pop group, The Spice Girls might’ve seemed naff at their heyday in 1997, but no matter how well cultivated your musical tastes might have been, you still knew them by their nicknames and precocious “Girl Power” ideology. And now, thanks to Jordan Septo, the master of the musically-inclined porn parodies, you’ll get to see Sporty, Scary, Ginger, Posh, and Baby Spice in refashions the biggest-selling girl group of all time as wannabe (geddit?) pornstars.

Following on from the success of Saturday Night Fever XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody and OMG… It’s the Flashdance XXX Parody, Septo has shifted focus to more recent nostalgia acts with the rather predictably titled OMG… It’s the Spice Girls Parody. With ol’ reliable Evan Stone taking the paternal role of the Spice Girls’ manager, Simon Fuller, the rest of the cast have been plucked from all stratas of the adult industry and given the chance to fill the tallest platforms in porn history. As Scary Spice (Melanie Brown), ring-locked Misty Stone gleefully strides with a buoyant smile and leopard-print catsuit. One of porn’s signature redheads, Dani Jensen seems a fairly appropriate fit for Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell), but doesn’t quite fill out her signature Union Jack dress well enough, if you ask me. Baby Spice (Emma Bunton) is played by an effervescent and effusively girly Jessie Rogers, who dons a candy colored dress and pigtails. As the future wife of footballer David Beckham, Allie Haze does her best Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) impersonation in, what else but a little black Gucci dress. The incredibly fit (in more ways than one) Dani Daniels, hot on the heels of her breakthrough feature role for Elegant Angel, tackles arguably the most difficult Spice Girl, Sporty (Melanie Chisolm), who, thanks to her trim, boyish figure was unfortunately labelled “the lesbo one”.

I don’t know about you fellas, but I’ve been ogling the Spice Girls for years ever since Say You’ll Be There, so I’ve no complaints about this particular parody. What, though, of the precedent Septo’s latest effort sets? Where do we go from here, porn parodies of other musical acts? An Abba parody would be loads of fun, as would a parody focusing on the legendary sexual exploits of some famous rock studs – Hendrix and Cynthia Plaster-Caster, Led Zep and a tuna, both the Glimmer and the Toxic Twins perhaps – but history dictates the end result will be something nobody wants to see: Nickelback porn.

(At least there’s already a fitting soundtrack.)