Sex Tips | Mr. Pink's Blog

Happy and Horny Housewife

Dear Missy Pink;

I hope my letter falls under the criteria of what you offer advice for, it’s not really a sexual issue between my husband and I, but it is sexual about myself. I guess I would be considered a MILF of sort, I’m in my mid 40’s, have 2 grown children, a husband I adore, a good life, and a sex drive that just won’t stop! I work out at the gym 4 times a week, my husband always tells me how hot I still am, and our bedroom is kept active multiple times a week, even quickies in the middle of the day, but I need more. All I think about is the burning between my legs that needs constant attention. I’m wearing my spouse out, he’s more than happy to keep me satisfied, but, I haven’t told him just how sex driven I am, I’m afraid he’ll feel inadequate.

Happy and Horny Housewife

Dear Happy and Horny Housewife;

Well, it seems like you do have a bit of a dirty dilemma, but one that most any man in the world would love to be dealing with! Normally, after a few years of marriage, the husband ends up receiving more doggy style sex than anything, and in this case, it’s not what you think, actually, it’s where he sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead!

One thing I didn’t read in your letter was any reference to looking outside of your marriage for the means to manage your moisture, kudos to you for that! With that being said, I would say the answer to your sexual issue could be solved in one word….gasoline. Yes, fill your vehicle’s tank to full, take a trip to the next county over, find that little hidden shop that carries toys for big girls, and go on a shopping bender! You’re more than fortunate that your marital mate is ready to drop his boxers and service both of your needs on the frequent basis that he does, and who doesn’t love those afternoon quickies?! But if you’re still seeking something for your saturation, then I would advise you to maybe bypass the batteries and go for the big guns that run off of AC/DC. Don’t worry about shaving your legs, just spread them and let the gooey times roll!

You claim you need more attention from the comfort of your own bed, and it sounds as if even though your husband is very in tune with your body, maybe it’s time you take a little road trip over your own curves. If you’ve never thought about masturbation, it’s time you do. One thing about it, whenever you want it, you’re always available to do what needs done. Buy yourself a vibrator that does everything but the dishes, have a multitude of settings, take yourself through stimulating foreplay and then flip that baby to high and let the juices fly!

When you toss a load of whites into the washer, lean firmly against the front of the machine as the agitator starts, let it warm up your mid-section, and then set time aside for you to spend with your new purchase, you won’t be cheating on anyone, and those self induced orgasms through the day will be just the thing to hold your horniness over until the hubby gets home from work.

Scrape the dust off of your credit card, get excited tonight at the thought of your shopping spree tomorrow, and always remember, masturbation is sex with someone you love!

Cell Phone Sin

Dear Missy Pink;

How do you know if you’re having an affair? I’ve not gone to bed with anyone other than my husband in the 20 years we’ve been married, but, where are the lines drawn when it comes to infidelity?

Nearly a year ago, I had the day off from work and a text came across my cell phone. Someone had keyed in the wrong number, and, I politely returned a message letting them know the intended person wasn’t who received the message. We joked back and forth about the mistake and found ourselves nearly 2 hours later still corresponding through our cell phones. The more he wrote, the happier I felt inside and the more I could barely wait for the next tweeting sound of an incoming message.

We found a real enjoyment in one another’s texting company, so much so, we would schedule our lunch break at the same time, even slipping to the restroom at the same time each day, just to send a note to one another, feeding the fire that was building within us. I’ve gone so far as to make an excuse to run to the store late at night, just to send him a good-night wish.

We are both married, happily so for the most part, but apparently lacking in areas that we seem to fill for one another. We’ve been texting a lot lately about actually meeting in person. I know him so well from our intimate messages, and vice versa, the next logical step would be to get together for lunch or a cup of coffee, but the temptation is already so great, I’m afraid where it might lead. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty, and the urge is getting stronger for us both.

Cell Phone Sin

Dear Ms. Sin;

Well, I must admit, it seems you’ve dug yourself a horny hole that now you must decide whether to climb out of, or have someone toss you a larger shovel so you can continue digging. If you and your husband have already been married for 20 years, then I assume it’s safe to say I’m not talking to some teenager that’s following her puberty whims, you’re an adult, and know what feels right and wrong to you.

My own personal opinion, when it comes to having extra marital affairs, whether they be the tender romantic type or the full blown hardcore, meet in the middle of the afternoon at a cheap motel, bang each other’s brains out and then rush home to get dinner in the oven, there’s a philosophy I’ve followed. No matter how happily a married person is, they normally don’t stray from their wedding vows because they’re looking for new sex, what they’re seeking is the romance, intimacy, and that fluttering butterfly feeling in the pit of their stomach. All of the things forgotten about as middle age and routine seem to be surrounding in a suffocating manner.

You’ve fallen into that groove of get to know a new person, hear them laugh at my jokes, have them think of me all day long, say all of the romantic things that makes a heart go pitter-patter, and now and then, embark on the erotica that awakens those areas below the belly button that time has forgotten. You don’t have to spread your legs to constitute an affair, you’ve already broached the bedroom without actually hitting the sheets, and even though you feel as if you’ve not experienced guilt over your actions, it’s apparent that you have, hence, your reason for writing about sexual advice.

It’s human nature to think the next logical step as you called it would be to meet for coffee, but, I have a feeling if that happens, there’s going to be a lot of cream added to that coffee! The ground work is laid, the only thing left is the two of you. You need to do some deep soul searching, maybe take a break from your break-time texting, spend some quality moments with your husband, see if the spark is still there. If you’ve got stronger embers from your texting romance, then you might want to seek more than cell phone service from your soul searching. Is it time to walk into something new, or should you invest that time into working on what you’ve had for 20 years and make it last another 30?

To answer your question to the best of my ability, in the eyes of many, yes, you are embarking into an affair, your heart has already been involved. For now, keep both feet on the floor until you have a foundation of what you truly want and what you believe you can deal with when it comes to looking in the mirror each morning. Maybe instead of an OMG! (Oh My God!) message, you should sent a TTYL. (Talk to you later), because, if you’re bothered by this enough to seek advice, then you’re not ready to take it one step further. Life is short, and yes, you should grab the brass ring, but don’t forget the golden one on your left hand.

Have a sex advice question? Want to be featured in our next blog post? Email Missy Pink’s Sex Advice or post your thoughts in our Disqus feature below.

Timing Out in Bed

Dear Missy Pink;

I’m really enjoying your column, and decided to send you a question of my own. My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost 9 years, there’s no piece of paper binding us, so it’s not a marriage rut, but for some reason the sex isn’t like it use to be. When we were dating, it would last for hours and we couldn’t wait to be back in bed again. For longer than I care to mention, it’s now gone to just a quickie on Saturday night, no real lead up to the excitement, just more of a roll over, roll off and then the snoring begins. Where has the passion gone?

Timing Out in Bed

Dear Timing Out,

Your question is one that’s probably been asked since the era of cavemen. You said you weren’t married, but, living together means you share the same sort of routine, scheduling and lifestyle, that is missing only that piece of paper, so, even though you haven’t walked down the aisle with the scent of tossed rose petals before you, you’re basically a spouse in the house.

You broached the question as if your boyfriend carries sole responsibility for things not being as they were, but, let’s look at this in a logical sense. It’s no one’s fault, it’s environment and time. When you’re dating, it’s the newness, the excitement, the exploration of learning about one another, the responsiveness and arousal is all on extremely high levels, which maybe if the sexual endeavor lasted for only an hour, it felt as if it was all night long.

It’s not that he’s grown tired of you, or you’ve grown tired of him, it’s just that you’ve gone from making love to having sex. You’ve grown accustom to one another, so, there’s no sense in preheating the oven when you can slide the meat in and have it done on a quick broil setting. The foreplay use to be centered around the bedroom, now it’s spanning into writing out the monthly bills, figuring out menus for the week, calling the garage to have a tune up done, all of those every day duties that call for your attention but bring no passion with them.

If you want stamina, then proceed with choosing a day and making that day work for you. Put a naughty note in his lunch bucket, wrap a pair of your sexiest panties around his steering wheel to find when he leaves for work, text him a message through the day that just says a simple, “Thinking of you and feeling hot.” Let his mind churn all day long about the past passion you shared, have him in a state of a semi-erection, and then when he gets home, leave a trail of your clothing to the bedroom. Don’t let him rush through things, have on sexy lingerie, do a little bump and grind with the bed post, bring strawberries and champagne into the scenario, turn on his mind first and foremost and his body will surely follow.

There’s no set in stone time for how long sex should last, it depends on how long you want it to last. Bring him up and to the edge, and then tease him without the pleasure of the pinkness between your thighs, make him really want you to where when it does happen, it will sound like the 4th of July in your head, the orgasms will be so powerful.

Sometimes when a partner needs more from the other, they have to exercise a little work to make it happen, but it will be worth it. Keep the moisture building motives working, seduce him on a Wednesday and then promise him more kinkiness on Saturday, he’ll think about it for the rest of the week and be looking forward with anticipation. Play sexual games, turn on your feminine charm, make him want you the way he did when you were dating, before you know it, he’ll be participating as well and you’ll reap the rewards.

Forget trying to put a measurement of minutes to your foreplay and sex, leave the egg timer in the kitchen where it belongs, the main thing is getting him hard boiled and then simmering on a slow heat until you both are ready for eruption. The playfulness will bring back memories, mixing that with your years of comfort you’ve built will make the experience even more erotic. Close the drapes and open your minds, it’s never too late to share healthy horniness!

Have a sex advice question? Want to be featured in our next blog post? Email Missy Pink’s Sex Advice or post your thoughts in our Disqus feature below.

High and Dry

Dear Missy Pink;

I’m a little embarrassed to be writing about something like this, but, it’s not anything I want to talk to my friends about, too much humiliation for that. My husband and I have been married for nearly three years, and, believe it or not, I was still a virgin until my wedding night. It wasn’t easy to wait, but I was determined, and he understood, even though he would tell me after many dates that he was going home with a case of blue-balls as he called them. I am not naïve, I assumed he masturbated, but, I thought it would stop once we tied the knot. Our sex life is good…and often, still in the honeymoon stage, but part of the foreplay seemingly must include him touching himself, and it bothers me so much. I’ve told him time and time again that he shouldn’t have to do that, and shouldn’t even want to do that, but he just smiles, gives me a kiss and then continues as if I’ve not voiced my disgust. It’s gotten to a point where it ruins the entire love making session for me, I just want it over with and I never have an orgasm any more. Am I being a prude?

High and Dry

Dear Dry;

You would actually be surprised how many times I’ve heard friends voice the same complaint about their mates, either they incorporate it into their sexual sessions, or they’ve caught them in the bathroom with their hand….in their cookie jar. It’s amazing the height of jealousy, bitterness, and downright anger that women feel over this act, especially when such a high percentage of the female gender has a battery operated friend hidden in their panty draw for those need-for-nookie times their husbands know nothing about. They never catch on the Duracell’s on the store list every couple of weeks is not just for keeping the smoke alarms in working order.

Why do you feel so threatened over your husband doing a little masturbation in preparation for the boner business he has planned for the two of you? Most women find it a turn on, in fact, many couples enjoy mutual masturbation, it’s showing their open side…and thighs, which is a turn on for both parties. One thing to remember, for approximately 95% of the population, when the puberty bug first bit, it was their own hand that did the swatting, it’s like an old pair of blue jeans, it feels so comfortable sliding into them, it’s only natural their hand will follow.

It’s as if they’re cumming home to an old friend, and if your husband feels comfortable enough doing that in front of you, maybe you can try looking at it from the angle of comfort as well. It’s not like he’s wasting himself by droplets into his belly button, you’re still getting the gonad goods, try to turn your mind around to stimulation, imagine him doing that during your courting time after leaving you with a kiss at the front door under your porch light, you drove him to the erection, as you still are, so consider it a compliment, not something to be repulsed by.

Let him stroke his cock a bit, you stroke his ego, and by all means, release your inhibitions and allow yourself to experience an orgasm again, if not, you’ll be clipping coupons for batteries, to keep your own toys buzzing beautifully. When it comes to masturbation, you just can’t beat it!