Vivid | Mr. Pink's Blog

Vivid’s 10 Best Sex Tapes

Hollywood and the porn industry aren’t as separate as many would like to believe. Aside from geographical proximity, there’s many other factors shared by both industries: an obsession with physical beauty, market dominance by a select few studios, a growing piracy problem, and a reputation for filling the world with puerile nonsense.

There’s also a few more direct commonalities best exemplified by the rise of celebrity sex tapes. And nobody in porn is better equipped to discuss the “private” hardcore recordings of minor (very, very minor) celebrities than the man who ushered them into homes around the world: Vivid Entertainment founder and co-chairman, Mr. Steven Hirsch. Speaking to Supercompressor, Hirsch laid out his opinion on which pseudo-celeb fuck-fests were the most influential and, dare I say, important.

Predictably, tapes featuring Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian, Farrah Abraham, and Tila Tequila all make the list, but notably absent is arguably the most famous sex tape of all time: 1 Night in Paris. Originally released by Red Light Video, the video that thrust Ms. Hilton into our hearts and homes doesn’t strictly count as a Vivid release in Hirsch’s eyes, not like Backdoor to Chynna starring the wrestler of the same name or The 11th Hole, which starred Tiger Woods’ real-life mistress Joslyn James, both of which Vivid had exclusive rights to from the beginning, even before the shoot… Wait a good gosh darned minute!

Of the ten titles noted by Hirsch as paragons of celebrity sex tape culture are not the private homemade kind at all, but faux amateur productions that, from the get-go, were clearly intended to launch the porn careers, however short-lived, of their stars. Farrah Abraham Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom co-starred the biggest male pornstar on Earth, Chynna’s feature was the result of her pitch to Vivid and featured standard porno production values, Montana Fishburne was gearing up for a longer career in adult before her famous pops put an end to it, and Real Housewives of Atlanta spin-off Mimi & Nikko: Scandal in Atlanta was an obvious cash-grab attempt at further infamy, and Kendra Exposed was so clearly a publicity stunt that even Ms. Wilkinson’s tears over its release were declared as fake as a Cetaphil Lotion cumshot.

Call me a cynic, but I’ll take genuine amateur porn, for all its shitty camerawork and no-name performers, over a phony “private” celebrity vanity production any day.

Vivid Saves Joe Francis from Sex Tape Shame

In what many may interpret as a perpetuation of a ‘boys’ club’ mentality, Vivid Video head honcho Steve Hirsch has purchased a sex tape starring (and allegedly stolen from) Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and his girlfriend Abbey Wilson. So, business as usual for the company that has released “leaked” and “stolen” sex tapes starring numerous celebrities from Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Janine Lindemulder and Vince Neil, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila, and, most recently, Teen Mom “star” Farrah Abraham and “legitimate partner” James Deen. So, we can expect Francis and Wilson’s tape to see an imminent release, right? Well, no.

Hirsch, who paid an undisclosed sum for the video, allegedly stolen from Wilson’s iPad at LAX, made his purchase to ensure the safe return of the sex tape to its rightful owners in consideration of their established tight bro-ness. Surely a tape featuring Francis, recently convicted of false imprisonment and assault of three women he met at a club in Hollywood in 2011 and the creator of one of porn’s most widely despised companies, would be in sufficient demand to warrant a release! Not so, says Hirsch, who apparently regards the age old rule of “Bros Before Hos (and Video Sales)” as an unbreakable tenant of friendship.

Francis, who faces five years in prison and fines up $13,000 for his offenses, may have narrowly escaped public humiliation this time, but… Oh, wait, no he didn’t.

When Is a Pseudo-Celebrity Teen Mom’s Sex Tape Not a Sex Tape?

Few were surprised when tabloid news outlets began reporting that Farrah Abraham, star of MTV’s Teen Mom, would be the subject of a “leaked sex tape”. “Private” footage of pseudo-celebrities having sex has become another blatantly obvious attention grabbing technique used by those struggling to remain in the fading spotlight or seeking to make a name for themselves without any discernible talents or worthwhile attributes (except an enticing body) and Ms. Abraham’s star certainly wasn’t on the ascent after her Teen Mom stint. What makes this case of celebrity skin slightly different is that, while many suspected the sex tapes of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Tila Tequila were as phony as penile growth supplements, Abraham’s case is so riddled with inconsistencies, professional touches, and absurd statements from the source that it couldn’t possibly be regarded as remotely authentic.

1. Abraham claims the tape was made for her own personal use yet later said she’d not sell the movie for “anything less than a couple million”, a clear sign of her true intentions.

2. “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom” co-stars James Deen, the single most popular, most famous, and most newsworthy male adult performer currently working. Who hires a porn stud for a private recording?

3. The sex scene, which runs about 42 minutes, is identical in most respects to any POV hardcore scene you’d find on Porn Pros or Reality Kings, from the lighting, lack of cutting, and roaming camerawork to Abraham’s rote, sterile attempts at teasing and seduction.

4. Deen, a man of no small girth, manages to enter Abraham’s titular “backdoor” without much of a warmup and almost no lubrication. That’s not real couple anal sex, folks, that’s porno anal sex.

5. To the ire of Abraham and her remarkably supportive, devoutly Christian father, Deen told various tabloid outlets that the whole point of the shoot was to “leak” a phoney “sex tape”. The Abraham family has called Deen “an opportunist”, clearly overestimating Farrah’s pop culture prominence while underestimating his.

Nevertheless, Abraham is insisting that the tape, which can now be seen online at Vivid Entertainment, was shot without a commercial release in mind. Now that her deal with Vivid has been inked, though, she seems content to be a daughter, mother, self-tanning addict, and talking point for at least the next week.

Still, reports from New York Post and TMZ claim Vivid’s servers were inundated with 2 million visitors within 12 hours of posting, so to what do we chalk up her millions of hits? It’s simple: morbid curiosity, James Deen, and the seemingly universal appeal of fucking celebrities in the ass.

Just Because They Suck You… Doesn’t Mean They Like You!

It’s not inconceivable that even before the rise of parody porn, wannabe Hollywood auteur Kevin Smith hoped and dreamed that his debut feature film, Clerks, would strike such a chord with contemporary society that it’d eventually be turned into something even more pornographic than his dialogue. Now, almost twenty years after Clerks’ 1994 release, a Clerks porn parody is available from Vivid Entertainment.

Providing the Clerks slackers with far more sexual opportunities than the original film, Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody sees Allie Haze and Lexi Swallow fill the presumably loosely-tied boots of Dante and Randall as Dana and Randi, who spend their workday embroiled in all sorts of lewd and lascivious (and presumably humorous) situations. Joining Haze and Swallow are Chastity Lynn as Jane and Kelly Devine as Silent Bertha, the gender-bending XXX versions of Jay and Silent Bob. Other performers include Jayden Lee, Seth Gamble, Brian Street Team, and Evan Stone as the most obnoxious series of customers imaginable – yes, every one.

Clerks XXX is now available for viewing at Vivid’s online HQ, but those who want the full “rise of the indies” experience should pick up the DVD release, which includes a non-hardcore black-and-white version. Although with presumably better dialog recordings than Smith’s original. Oh, and Smith has been unusually silent about this highly explicit tribute, perhaps too immersed in his adored and officially endorsed Fleshlight to pay it much mind.