Harmony Rose: From ATM to EMT

Harmony RoseRetired adult performer Harmony Rose, star of Blame It On Daddy, Dual Invasion, and Bitch Bangin’ Bitch #1, recently started training as a volunteer EMT (Emergency Medical Technician). Now, you’d think that the Cave Spring Rescue Squad would welcome with open arms any 29-year-old woman eager to freely give her time, skills, and energy to helping them save lives, but that hasn’t been the reaction of some officials in Roanoake, VA.

After learning of the unusual former occupation of Ms. Rose, now known by her birth name, Tracy Rolan, Fire Chief Rich Burch was so befuddled he had to turn to his higher-ups for guidance, specifically the Office of the County Attorney. As reported by Huffington Post, Attorney Paul M. Mahoney responded in a letter stating that Roanoke County generally did not involve itself in the decisions of volunteer squads, but also added “Anything that results in public ridicule of the volunteer squads… must be avoided.”

After what certainly sounded like a tacit endorsement of Ms. Rolan’s would-be dismissal, it might surprise you to learn that even in the seemingly conservative Virginian community she joined after leaving porn, the former Screamin’ for Semen star has not been cast out by the townspeople as some sort of modern day Frankenstein’s Whore and instead has found an outpouring of support for her new career path, support visible on, of all places, a news station with a contextually hilarious name: WDBJ7. The station’s Facebook page has been inundated with supportive notes by those both for and against pornography, each one proudly insisting that they’d have no objection to having their life saved by a woman who once roomed with Tory Lane, licked Sandra Romain’s ass on air with Howard Stern, and was nominated for two Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene AVN Awards. After all, if they require the attention of an EMT, they’ve likely got bigger problems than Harmony’s past in porn.

Bree Olson: Hollywood Douchebag

Bree OlsonWhen Bree Olson, anal-loving, pregnancy-fantasizing adult superstar, got tangled up in the most recent Charlie Sheen trainwreck, came out the other side only to turn her back on porn and retire, many of us thought we’d never hear her candy-coated, slightly shrill voice again. And then she turned into a pop star.

With her debut music video, ‘Hollywood Douchebag’, Bree Olson is angling for your attention once again, only this time she’s not using her tits and pussy to get it. (Well, she is, really, but she’s uncharacteristically covered them up.) Instead of crooning about the plains of her home state Indiana or guesting on some rapper’s latest tirade, Bree put herself in the spotlight – surprise, surprise – with a self-written ode to the alpha males populating the entertainment hotbed of the Golden State. With plenty of inspirational resources at her disposal, the wannabe Agnetha or Anni-Frid throws hilarious insults at the kinds of guys she no doubt runs into with great regularity in LA.

Although she clearly has her sights set on a breakout musical parody hit akin to Lonely Island’s ‘I’m On a Boat’ and ‘I Just Had Sex’, Olson hasn’t completely discarded her sexually explicit past and in fact cast adult performer Alexis Ford as a principal dancer and even hired noted porn helmet Andre Madness (Bree & Alexis, College Tails, Grindhouse XXX) to direct the video, which sees Bree go up against a typical type-A cud, a real Pseudo-Situation, a top-tier Hollywood Douchebag.

And don’t worry, folks. Unlike almost every other screen appearance Olson has made, this one is, to use the parlance of our times, SFW, even if it does see her show off her cleavage and cavort around with various scantily clad men and women. Oh, Bree! It’s so nice to have you back!

PMarizzle No Anal! Fo’ Shizzle?

Phoenix Marie analWord over at Bang Bros is that Phoenix Marie has just seen her very last anal scene hit the WiFi waves, putting an end to a career that has brought boners and smiles to thousands upon thousands of guys, and placed Ms. Marie herself among the ranks of porn’s most astounding performers. So, is she really giving up her gaping anus in favor of vag-only sex, or is that the end of Phoenix Marie as we know it?

Thankfully, it isn’t the latter; Marie isn’t giving up porn for good, just adjusting her career to suit the demands of her lifestyle. Being plugged in the butt by some of the biggest dicks in porn certainly has its drawbacks (or so I’d imagine) and Marie surely doesn’t want to run the risk of a permanently prolapsed rectum or repeated anal tearing, which is completely understandable and could be one of the reasons behind the artificially buxom Arizonan’s decision to focus not on gapes, ATMs, and DPs but on directing, where she hopes to bring all her “sick and twisted pleasures” to the screen.

Considering Marie once told Luke Ford that her biggest fantasy was “With four guys that want to hurt me in a good way, having them shove and do DP. That would be fun,” it’s unlikely she’s hanging up her anal speculum for good, which is good news for us all.

Australia Deports Abby Winters

AbbyWinters.comAfter all the Australian Sex Party’s talk of protecting the sexual rights of consenting adults across the country, one of Down Under’s most acclaimed adult entities has been forced to jump ship and moved its operations from Melbourne to Amsterdam, The Netherlands, a whopping 10,000 miles (or 16,000 kilometers) away. Hey, Abby Winters, what the fuck happened?

Explaining the reasons for the emigration on the AbbyWinters.com members forum all the way back in June of 2010 – how was this not headline news in the porn world? – Garion Hall, creative director for the amateur-focused porn company posted details of a police investigation into Abby Winters’ parent company, G Media, that resulted in charges being brought against the company for allegedly producing and selling DVDs that had not been classified by the Australian Classification Board; DVDs that were therefore being produced and sold illegally. Incurring a $6,000 fine and left with little choice but to depart for more porn-friendly waters, the entire Abby Winters organization started the long process of shifting operations to a city where, rumor has it, anything goes: Amsterdam.

Take a look at AbbyWinters.com these days and you’ll still find the bevy of naturally beautiful women gracing its galleries and videos, but the majority of recent models are not Australian but European, hailing from various nations in the EU. The same head photographers and principal creative team of the company have stayed with AbbyWinters.com, ensuring the same high-quality naturalistic nude, masturbation, and sapphic and straight hardcore content remains as impressive as ever.

In short, dear reader, not even classification issues, investigations, multi-thousand dollar fines, and the increasingly conservative, fear-mongering state of Australian politics can keep AbbyWinters.com down. Show your support and give the newly European AbbyWinters.com a long, hard look today.

James Franco: Playboy

James FrancoIn his quest to conquer every known strain of academia and the employ every known means of artistic expression, the world’s most attractive polymath, actor/director/painter/poet/writer/model/teacher James Franco, can now add Playboy Columnist to his already enormous resume.

In the current July/August issue of Hugh Hefner’s infamous men’s mag – yes, it’s the issue with Jenny Mc Carthy on the cover… again – the first installment of Franco’s six-part Francofile column appears, starting things off with a Q&A with New York-based Serbian performance artist, Marina Abramovic. What do they talk about and why is it being published in a magazine noted almost equally for its tits ‘n’ ass as its progressive journalism? All I can reveal – I’m gonna read this issue after dinner, I promise – is that topics covered in Franco’s piece with the woman he calls “the grandmother of performance art” include “space, energy, and magic.”

Oh, James Franco. You’re my hero!