After hundreds of years of commercially co-opted romance made us guys slaves to our ladies on Valentine’s Day, one frustrated and under-appreciated guy did something about it. Starting out as a small grass roots movement to reserve an annual celebration of all men do to keep their ladies happy but soon becoming an international phenomenon, Steak and BJ Day has come a long, long way and now sees women around the world return to the stove-top or grill then drop to their knees in appreciation of their fellas.
Brazzers is arguably the most macho porn network on the ‘net and, true to its irreverent style, there’s a celebration going on at Real Wife Stories today, Steak and BJ Day 2014, that involves steak (obviously), fellatio (thankfully) and Madison Ivy’s marvelous devotion to dick. Standing on the set of her Cookin’ with Madison Ivy show, the Brazzers contract star professes her fondness for “fat, juicy steak” and encourages viewers to thoroughly “beat their meat” while bending over a counter, giving the crew a glimpse of her ass.
Offering the browned porterhouse to her producer husband only to be reminded of his veganism (read: emasculation), Madison denies his request for the BJ, telling us “Vegetarians are such pussies. I’m a carnivore and I like cock.” Brick, who has been manning the camera and stifling an erection, is called to the floor and fills the void left by his herbivorous superior. They chow down on the meat before she does on his, tossing her tiny, tight body around for full carnal effect.
If your Steak and BJ Day isn’t going according to plan, thank your preferred deity for Brazzers and Madison Ivy. (Oh, and that vegan dude, the husband she denied a blowjob? He stood by and watched his wife get plugged by some dude named Brick. What a pussy! Don’t be that guy!)
Amateur (and often self-shot) pornography abounds on Twitter, Reddit, Instagram, Tumblr, and pretty much any other online community of like-minded horndogs, but one service has decided to nix the homemade erotica for more family friendly values. Unfortunately, that service is also the one that brought us such delectable digital pleasures as a video Daisy Summers calls “Boobs Blunts and Bubbles”, Jessie Andrews joining Aiden Starr for a two-blonde blowjob (kinda), and Alina Li getting very, very comfortable with beer-drining bro on a sofa.
That’s right, fellas, Vine recently announced that it would no longer permit users to “post content that is pornographic or sexually explicit – even if it is of yourself or marked as sensitive,” effectively banning both pornstars and amateur exhibitionists from sharing their naked forms. It’s not a complete disaster, though. As history has well proven, repression of sexual expression simply forces the erotically inclined to move underground and to find other services. Curiously, Vine’s owner, Twitter, permits porn in abundance, as does Instagram (even if it claims otherwise), while Reddit is flush with dozens of sexy NSFW subforums where enthusiasts share their accumulated images and exhibitionists share their homemade porn without signing away their identity to some skeezy producer. Then there’s Pornstagram, a service that is basically Instagram for adults only. Isn’t that the beauty of living in the Information Age, though? As soon as one service or product disappears, three arise in its place. The Internet: it’s the hydra of porn!
Fuck the Global Financial Crisis and your own dwindling savings account balance, those intrepid explorers of the furthest reaches of human sexuality, the San Francisco-based studio Kink.com, recently opened bidding on one of the company’s very own directors and performers, Lorelei Lee.
After a previous auction saw one fan pay $42,000 for an intimate private webcam session with Maitresse Madeline, the icy blonde Ms. Lee offers her services to the highest bidder and ensures, whatever his or her kinky preferences, satisfaction. Presented under the Kink Divine Bitches marquee, Lee says this auction aims to “expand the relationship between the fan and the star. They want to worship us, and we want them to worship.” Services available to the winning bidder – who’ll presumably pay much more than the current top bid of $24,200 – include lessons in servitude and submission or the chance to dominate, to completely control this particular Divine Bitch. The winner also receives a complimentary year of Kink.com access, signed photos of Ms. Lee, an HD copy of the private show and, most excitingly, the props used by Ms. Lee during their special time together.
Sure, unless you’re a future oil tycoon, criminal mastermind, or just really, really hard working, you won’t even consider bidding on some time with Lorelei Lee, but those of us that are should probably start seeing if our budgets can accommodate such a rash expenditure. (At least for me, an adult entertainment professional, it’ll be tax deductible!)