Mr. Skin’s 2016 Guide to Nudes

Mr. Skin

For many, 2016 has been one disaster after another. Cultural icons seemed to kick the bucket en masse, taking away many shining lights of our entertainment-addicted lives. Mr. Skin, intrepid pointer-out of celebrity nudity, once just female but now also male, takes to his blog roll around this time every year to recap the best and most beautiful appearances of naked female celebrity skin on the small screen. And, thankfully, this year delivered some treats that could help reinvigorate your interest in 2017.

Mr. Skin’s 2016 Top Ten sees notable names and almost-complete unknowns share list space on shows for HBO, Netflix, Starz, and other networks, confirming that TV is indeed getting more raunchy and risqué with every passing season. Still need proof to get you back on the sofa? How about these ten skin-baring turns from Hollywood sex symbols both legend and debutante?

Chelsea Handler is rarely shy about baring her naked body and this season of Chelsea was no different, seeing the host take a topless dip in a Russian bath house. Lina Esco of Audience Network’s MMA drama Kingdom took the ninth spot thanks to her wild and numerous sex scenes. Ruby Modine, daughter of actor Matthew, followed in her dad’s nude-friendly footsteps in Shameless for Showtime, which also saw Sasha Alexander and Sherilyn Feen ditch their duds. Cinemax’s original series Quarry showcased Jodi Balfour in what seemed like an abundance of sex scenes baring her breasts and butt. Ashley Green of detective drama Rogue got naked alongside Thandie Newton and Kira Clavell, earning her a spot at #6.

Game of Thrones is well known for its gritty violence and copious sexual activity, some of which involved Eline Powell and her perfect pair of bared breasts. Arguably the most famous name on Mr. Skin’s 2016 list, Olivia Wilde stepped from her costumes in HBO’s massively ill-advised music industry drama Vinyl, at least giving viewers a strong reason to keep tuning in. The top three places on the list went not to individual actresses but to the shows that host them: HBO’s Westworld remake saw plenty of onscreen flesh from Evan Rachel Wood, Ingrid Bolso Berdal, and Thandie Newton (again); Joe Swanberg’s indie drama Easy delivered more sex than many erotic movies, bringing the bods of Malin Akerman, Kate Micucci, Elizabeth Reaser, Aislin Derbez, and Emily Ratajkowski to the screen. Somewhat predictably topping the list is a show that, had it not featured plenty of nudity and blatant fucking, would have gone unwatched by millions (more). The Girlfriend Experience, based on the Steven Soderbergh movie starring Sasha Grey, served up many salacious moments starring Riley Keough (Elvis’s granddaughter!) and a handful of awesome indie actresses.

For the full rundown on who placed where and why, check out Mr. Skin’s Podcast. And, hey, while you’re there, why not consider a membership to the greatest celebrity skin venture ever embarked upon?

Mr. Skin review

Poké-men dig Strokémon

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Quit Pokémon Go for just a second and check this shit out! Not only has the latest iteration of the pocket monster phenomenon led to a larger game playing audience than any earlier Pokémon release, it has sparked a worldwide obsession that has Wall Street bankers and McDonald’s workers on the picket line both using their smart phones to ensnare the little digital critters. Even adult webcam performers leapt onto the Pokémon Go bandwagon, using cosplay and screen-sharing to enjoy the game with their fans. Now, naturally, it’s the mainstream porn world’s turn.

RK Prime, a newish Reality Kings site with no clear premise, unleashed its Pokémon parody on July 30th, an outdoor scene that saw Xander Corvus on a hunt for “Pikapuss” (Annika Eve in her second scene) and, upon finding her, fills her mouth beneath a tree then pulls her inside to slide into her yellow-outfitted snatch as she cries “Pika! Pika!” in pleasure.

Team Skeet also joined in the fun with a pair of Poké-focused scenes for Exxxtra Small and Teen Pies and starring Freya Von Doom and Cece Capella respectively. Freya arrived first, landing July 28th in her bright yellow “Pikahoe” outfit, ducking and dodging an eager trainer before respawning in his living room and exposing her very much pink and human orifices. For a change of pace, Cece Capella laid around in her Teen Pies scene, staring at a Pikachu plushie and daydreaming about catching one of her own. After dozing off, Cece wakes up to a real, living, already erect (but curiously human male) Pikachu who proceeds to bring her Poké-fucking fantasies to life.

You would think that with Pokémon Go roaring up the app charts and distracting every second pedestrian under the age of 55, this would be the prime Poké-parody era but, really, all three of the above listed scenes were outdone months and months ago by two distinctly different takes on the gaming phenomenon. Back in January of 2015, Cosplay Babes had busty British wonder Harmony Reigns dress up in her best Ash cap and grab her Pokéballs for an interracial hardcore fuckfest. It’s WoodRocket, the comedy-porn hybrid studio started by Lee Roy Myers, that still rules the porno Pok é-parody roost, though, thanks largely to the studio’s devotion to absurdity. Starring Rizzo Ford as Dikachu, a squirt-shooting female monster whose trainer, Gash (Tyler Nixon) carries quite an impressive package. Badly acted with questionable costuming and even a rather dire script, Strokémon takes the cake because it pushes further than simple cosplay and reimagines the Pokêverse as an utterly perverted playground for all kinds of sexual creatures, human and otherwise, without getting too close to some bizarre fucking fantasies. Dikachu might not look like an electrified rodent exactly, but you wouldn’t confuse her for 100% human either.

There’ll no doubt be more Poké-themed scenes and parodies on the horizon now that Pokémon Sun and Moon has been announced, so keep a beady eye trained at Mr. Pink’s for more info and analysis as they appear.

More Halloween Happenings

Not long now, fuck fans, and every North American adult website worth a damn will be coloring its homepage black-and-orange, placing glowing pumpkin heads at every entrance, and only admitting those women who’ve come dressed for the occasion, every inner-slut’s favorite over-commercialized holiday, Halloween!
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Along with the epic pornstar-attended party planned by AVN and due to open a inter-dimensional gateway to a fiery den of adult industry decadence – more info here – there’s also another big-time Halloween bash from a champion of sexual expression, New York’s Museum of Sex. Teaming with One Year Lease Theater Company for the October 31st event, the Museum will host costume contests, complimentary cocktails, light dining, raffles, live music from NY “indie, gypsy-ish, cabaret-ish, parlor rock” outfit Kotorino, and many more events, activities, tricks, and treats to put attendees in the partying mood. And, as always, there’s a premium VIP package for those that want to elevate themselves above the riff-raff, this time dubbed the ‘Indulge with Dionysus’ package and priced at $125 (alongside $65 and $40 standard VIP and general admission tickets, aka ‘Mingle with the Gods’ and ‘Soar with Aphrodite’). Dionysion acolytes willing to part with $125 for a Halloween party par excellence receive, among other pleasures, burlesque performances, a martini bar, appointed servers, ‘sinful party favors and decadent treats’, as well as the best seats in the house reserved for their asses and their asses alone.

Also getting into the spooky spirit this Halloween is everyone’s favorite proponents of martial infidelity, Kelly and Ryan Madison. Just released from Juicy Entertainment, Whore-ers of Halloween sees Natasha Vega, Casey Calvert, Staci Silverstone, Veruca James, Tysen Rich, and Luna C. Kitsuen all gussied up in sultry costumes and given the chance to milk Mr. Madison of his now infamous multiple loads. Cast as the meat in a Madison sandwich set in an Eyes Wide Shut-inspired Venetian-style occult orgy, Veruca James gets the couple to herself for a scene, as do Misses Kitsuen and Vega while the other starlets make do with Ryan alone, though that’s hardly a consolation prize.

Whore-ers of Halloween

And then there’s the horrific Donna T. Rumpshaker costume for women, unwisely produced by outlandish costumers Yandy, which can now be purchased for $69.95. Yes, seriously, and that’s not including the wig or baseball cap!

Donna T. Rumpshaker

Really, the less said about why anyone would possibly want to purchase such a costume for anything other than a woefully unfunny topical reference the better. Isn’t Yandy a “sexy costume” site? Surely even Trump’s staunchest supporters wouldn’t fuck a female doppelganger of the uncouth real estate mogul, would they?

Truly, truly scary ruminations here, folks, and there’s more to come from Mr. Pink’s as we inch closer and closer to All Hallows’ Eve.