Dear World, Goodbye! – Lisa Ann

Pornstars seem to be retiring left, right, and center these days and the departures in the last two years of legend Jenna Haze and legend-in-the-making Alina Li, it can feel like we’re losing superstar after superstar. Then comes a retirement announcement from a star so prolific and popular that it sends shockwaves through the entertainment world, adult and otherwise, leaving fans and followers to wonder where their pornographic future is headed without the one and only reigning MILF supreme, ol’ “Nailin’ Paylin” herself, Lisa Ann.

lisa ann

Taking to Facebook on Monday to announce her impending retirement directly to her fans, Ms. Ann, an AVN Hall-of-Famer with over 400 titles to her credit, said she was finished with this phase of her life and career and will be effectively retired from porn work come January 1st of the new year. This from a woman who really has done everything porn has to offer. After starting her on-screen career in 1993, Ann quit only four years in due to an AIDS scare. Returning first as an agent and then as a performer in 2006, Ann went from strength to strength, earning herself a reputation for being the most dynamic and desirable ‘mature’ performer in U.S. porn. Grabbing national headlines with her portrayal of 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in Hustler’s ‘Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?’ only increased the superstar’s notoriety and led to her acceptance into the ranks of porn’s few genuine crossover stars. Now with her own show on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio proving to fans (of fucking and football) that she’s as observant about sports as she has been about the porn world.

According to Ann’s handwritten letter, it’s fantasy football that will keep Lisa Ann in the public eye from now on as she devotes herself to regular Monday broadcasts of Lisa Ann Does Fantasy for SiriusXM and aims to become a bigger part of their operation. Football might not be the first thing that comes to a man’s mind upon seeing this woman, but Lisa Ann is arguably one of the most prominent fantasy football personalities around today, at least to certain kinds of fans. (And, hey, she’s already been very publicly banging at least one football stud, Notre Dame wide receiver Justin Brent.)

You can read Lisa Ann’s full ten-page retirement announcement on her official Facebook page and listen to her discuss her plans on SiriusXM’s Soundcloud page. Be sure to catch Lisa Ann Does Fantasy every Monday at 10pm ET on SiriusXM radio and keep a keen eye on Ms. Ann’s Twitter feed so as not to miss a single iota of her remaining adult work before she shuffles off to the land of off-screen sex and making men’s dreams come true in a totally different industry.

Lisa Ann – Evil Angel

UK Outlaws Fetish Porn

21sextury

Lawmakers in the United Kingdom have passed The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, effectively placing an outright ban on UK-produced Video-On-Demand media depicting certain sexual acts (both fetishistic and fairly mundane) also banned from sale in brick-and-mortar adult stores. The British Board of Film Classification is notoriously rigid and restrictive when it comes to sexual content, barring uncut releases of non-pornographic films made by Ken Russell, Walerian Borowczyk, and Radley Metzger. This time, however, the BBFC isn’t just attacking extreme, dangerous or even abusive adult entertainment, it’s also unempowering to women.

Spanking, Caning
Aggressive whipping
Strangulation
Penetration by any object “associated with violence”
Fisting
Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of if consensual)
Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)
Role-playing as non-adults
Physical restraint
Humiliation
Female ejaculation
Facesitting

As you’ll note above, the list of now-banned acts is as baffling as the law is unwelcome. Sure, taking a tough stance on anything involving non-adults (even role-play) makes sense, but banning spanking, whipping, physical restraint, humiliation, fisting, and watersports will most certainly drive UK-based pornographers onto mainland Europe. Most infuriating, though, is the apparent assumption that women cannot (or should not) ejaculate – what other reason for its banning could there be besides “Well, it’s just urine, innit?” – and that “Facesitting” is not only being outlawed, but is listed along with strangulation and fisting as “life-endangering” activities. Sorry, BBFC, but you be fuckin’ crazy! Why, just last week a woman straddled my face and received oral pleasure not once, not twice, but three times and I’m still here to tell my tale, aren’t I? Fuck, James Deen made an entire movie about being smothered by big-ass beauties and he’s not only living, he’s rich!

“There appear to be no rational explanations for most of the R18 rules, anti-censorship campaigner Jerry Barnett told Vice. “They’re simply a set or moral judgments designed by people who have struggled endlessly to stop British people watching pornography.” From a woman’s perspective, Itziar Bilbao Urrutia, a British dominatrix, also registered her bafflement and outrage with Vice. “Why ban facesitting? What’s so dangerous about it? It’s a harmless activity that most femdom performers, myself included, do fully dressed anyway. Its power is symbolic; woman on top, unattainable.”

Yeah, unattainable, just like your sexual freedoms, female Britons. Fight the power!

Goodbye to Indonesia’s Sex Mountain

Mount Kemukus
Mount Kemukus

Way back in the 16th Century, a young Indonesian prince named Pangeran Samodro carried on a carnal affair with his step-mother, the two of them choosing nearby mountain Gunung Kemukus to host their secret tryst. Disaster struck, however, when they were caught in the act and killed, buried on the mountain. The story doesn’t end there, however, as Indonesians flock to the Central Java mountain to engage in sex with strangers in order to receive blessings for completing the congress started hundreds of years ago.

While conservative Muslim groups have attempted to prohibit access to the controversial site, the ritual – bathe at a sacred spring then find a stranger who’ll agree to have sex with you on seven consecutive Jumat Pon (when the Gregorian Friday lands on a traditional Javanese celebratory day) – promises to bring good fortune and prosperity to the thousands who visit the mountain every year. But, thanks to a television report by Australian journalist Patrick Abboud has increased the already wide exposure of this ritual in the Western World, resulting in a ban on all sexual activity taking place there.

Ganjar Pranowo, Governor of Central Java, announced the ban earlier this week at his office in Semarang, calling it “a shame,” and calling on pilgrims to continue visiting the tomb and shrine, but imploring them not to engage in the controversial intercourse that has long been the focus of visits. The increasing presence of sex workers and allegedly high rates of STD transmission are among the reasons for the ban, but it’s largely religiously based. Although the ritual is distinctly Javanese, combining Islamic, Hindu, and Buddhist characteristics, Indonesia is home to the world’s largest Muslim population, whose beliefs staunchly oppose adultery. Whether or not this will curtail mountainside trysts remains to be seen but in a way it’s somewhat fitting to cut-off hundreds of fucking pilgrims mid-ritual, just as Prince Samodro and his step-mom Nyai Ontrowulan were once similarly interrupted mid-coitus.