Mr. Pink's Blog

Smoke My Bacon, Baby!

Your deep-frier-owning, ranch-dressing-drizzling, Mexican-Coke-preferring girlfriend has said there’s only one thing she loves more than you and it’s bacon and now you don’t know how to reignite the passion of fellatio in your relationship without feeling and smelling like a bona fide pig-fucker? Well, friend, J&D Foods has a product for you: bacon condoms. That’s right, folks, the makers of Bacon Ranch, Bacon Gravy and Bacon Shaving Cream, of bacon flavored lip balm, bacon scented roses, and even bacon sunscreen comes a rubber that’ll “make your meat look like meat”.

For those of you not throwing up your breakfast… J&D’s Bacon Condoms are made of latex but instead smell and taste of freshly sizzled rashers of fatty hog flesh. While I cannot at this time report on how these Bacon Condoms feel against human skin, they also look quite a bit like bacon given the fleshy, meaty design patterned on each, uh, unit. Like most bacon-celebrating products, demand has proven quite high for J&D’s absurd (and absurdly delicious) contraceptive product. Already out of stock after only a month on the market, Bacon Condoms can be yours if you add your name to the waiting list… or hit the supermarket for some DIY porking and poking.

Bang Bros and Culioneros Mix It Up

Bang Bros and Culioneros have peacefully existed side-by-side since the latter’s launch in late 2011, but recent updates to both sites have been somewhat confounding. You see, Culioneros was basically set up to be the Latin Bang Bros with many sites being almost identical to ones operated by the infamous Bang Bus-driving goofball pornographers, only with the bangingest babes from Central and South America. Earlier this month, however, Culioneros saw a rather obvious spike in its occasional inclusion of North American and European talent. From the forty recently added scenes shown on the main Culioneros hub, eight scenes star Americans (Alyssa Branch, Lizz Tayler, Remy LaCroix, Kendall Karson, Rachel Roxxx, Dillion Harper, Aubrey Addams, and Ava Addams), six star Czech beauties, five feature Hungarian talent, four scenes star big-titted Japanese-British Tiger Benson, and three feature everyone’s favorite sultry French brunette, Anissa Kate. That doesn’t leave much room for those bodacious Colombian asses we’ve come to love from Culioneros, does it?

Meanwhile, apparently in reciprocation for the increasingly Americanized and anglicized nature of recent Culioneros’ updates, Bang Bros has similarly shifted its casting directives to include more women from Latin American countries, Colombia specifically. Big Tits, Round Asses and Ass Parade have both featured Colombian women in recent weeks – Natalie and Juliana in two scenes each, Rianna in one – and with the sharing of models between the two networks becoming increasingly common, there’s no reason to suspect this intercontinental babe-swapping won’t continue for a while. That’s great news if you’ve varied taste but only enough dough for one network subscription, but not so great if you’re a viewer with very, very specific requirements.

She Came, She Screwed, She Conquered: Brooklyn Lee

It’s not the worst idea to retire at the top: you retain legendary status since you haven’t fallen into mediocrity, you can return to your chosen industry as prominent as you left it, and you’ll always feel like your former colleagues would welcome you back. In porn, though, things often work a bit differently – thank the aging process for that. If recently announced retiree Brooklyn Lee ever decides to return to porn, she’ll do so as an XBIZ Female Performer of the Year and one of porn’s most compelling young performers.

When the 23-year-old Ohioan burst onto the scene in 2010’s Whores on the 14th under the watchful eye of director Belladonna, she wasted no time winning over a huge contingent of porno fanatics with her impressive oral and anal skills. Now, however, she shuffles off to begin another, more private phase of her life. As she focuses on her education and a relationship she says contributed to her decision to leave adult – “When you reach a point where you loathe heading to set because there’s only one person in the world you have any desire to have sex with, it’s time to move on from sex work…” – Lee hopes fans will look forward to her last performances in the forthcoming Vivid remake of classic Behind the Green Door and the follow up to John Stagliano’s acclaimed Voracious, due to start shooting later this month.

Every Little Thing at Brazzers

In an apparent effort to keep viewers from watching scenes beginning to end and absorbing every little detail for themselves (even scenes like Jayden Jaymes’s recent soul-searching double-penetration episode of Real Wife Stories), Brazzers now offers the more goal-oriented viewers a full breakdown of what every scene entails, sexually speaking.

Adding to the recent implementation of a Jump to Action feature that, as detailed in late 2011 by Mr. Pink’s, allows viewers to skip straight to their preferred sexual activity with a simple mouse click, ), Brazzers now provides not only a full rundown of what happens in a given scene, but how much of the runtime is occupied by each act. Check out this image of what they’re calling Fuck Stats:

The scene in question, a rather frenetic tag-team with Christy Mack and Madison Ivy, offers viewers almost six whole minutes of fellatio, most of it with both women providing the spit ‘n’ shine. Going down the list, prospective viewers into ass licking will note that it only makes a brief appearance. With this knowledge they might venture deeper into Brazzers’ archive to find another scene offering more attentive anilingus; perhaps even to another site.

But what of the joys of discovery that this new tool removes from the porn viewing equation? Once upon a time we’d hit ‘play’ with only a basic premise and cast list upon which to base our selection. Sure, plenty of those scenes chosen ended up being too boring or boner-killing to revisit, but many surprised us with hidden gems like oral creampies or brief anal excursions that we’d then discuss amongst our fellow viewers, solidifying a community and encouraging knowledgable contributions from all. Now, with Brazzers telling us exactly when, where, how, and for how long everything happens, some of the magic is disappearing and it’s all in the name of instant gratification. But then, that’s porn…