Jordi’s American Journey

Jordi El Niño Polla

All this election-season talk of illegal immigrants stealing the jobs, money, and pussy the men of the USA believe to be rightly theirs got me thinking… You see plenty of immigrants in porn, women and men both, and it could be argued that such a profession is both a negative and a positive result of an illegal presence. (Though I’m sure Jordi’s papers are in order.) Adopting an disapproving attitude, you might see someone like recent Brazzers discovery Jordi El Niño Polla, a Spaniard mentored by Nacho Vidal and brought to the US by the ZZ to plow the fields of their female stars, as a threat to American masculinity. But really that’s only half of it.

Jordi, whose diminutive frame and youthful looks belie a massive member, more favorably viewed could be a pinch hitter coming in to relieve our own coliective sexual exhaustion. Or, unless it’s too threatening, maybe he’s a gift for our beloved female citizenry, their desires also leaning younger and more dominant every day. Whatever your stance, Jordi’s seemingly here to stay, already shooting for Brazzers a selection of thirty exclusive hardcore encounters.

At times playing a teen or twenty-something boyfriend to the likes of JoJo Kiss or Alex Grey, Jordi is just as often cast alongside a mature woman whose MILFy hold over the young star is immediately apparent. After being bathed by Leigh Darby and Alexis Fawx on two separate occasions, and after pounding Diamond Jackson and Nikki Benz on the tennis court, Ryan Conner in a shower stall, tag-teaming Rebecca Moore with one of Brazzers’ other resident foreigners, Keiran Lee, and crashing his bicycle after spying neighborhood cougar Veronica Avluv shooting him flirtatious glances only for them to turn into spit-moistened strokes, Jordi’s next assignment sees him jumping in the shower with girlfriend Megan Rain only to be interrupted then joined by her stepmom Ava Addams.

Clearly Jordi’s arrival on our shores is all part of Brazzers’ bold attempt at claiming new female viewers and grabbing guys before they hit twenty-five, making them fans for life. Jordi, a stunned expression on his face as his hefty dick disappear into another American throat, is a surrogate for all of us who, no matter what we tell ourselves mid-viewing or mid-fap, would probably pass out if ever faced with real pornstar pussy. He’s just a surrogate that’s doing a better job than many millions of local boys. Is this where globalization is leading us, into one another’s countries to fuck foreign women for our pleasure and theirs? If so, that’s an economic model I’m sure we can all get behind.

Brazzers review

Halloween the GirlsWay Way

Girls' Way's "Little Red"

With Halloween fast approaching and every bar conversation I’ve overheard in the last two weeks touching upon the best tactics of annoying brat avoidance or where to find the “raddest” costumes fit for cocktail parties, numerous adult studios and sites are turning their attention once again to the costumed fetish wonderland that is porn come Halloween time. One studio that’s already well equipped to satisfy those hitting its homepage for All Hallow’s thrills is the acclaimed all-female outfit GirlsWay.

After last year’s apocalyptic thriller The Turning, GirlsWay directors Bree Mills and Stills By Alan, Little Red might seem a more gentle effort, but first impressions can be deceiving. Based (obviously) on the classic European folk fairytale Little Red Riding Hood, about a gullible young girl visiting her grandmother only to find a hungry wolf disguised in her place, the five-part feature series is scheduled to air its finale on October 31st with episodes one-through-four already available. Presented in 1080p High Definition videos filled with rich scarlet reds and haunting blacks sees Cassidy Klein play the hooded hottie as she ventures, naked as a jaybird through the midnight forest, on a very different path to the Red we’ve known all these years. Grandma (Kendra Lust) is having some problems and a Social Worker (April O’Neil) aims to set shit right. But with a crime ring, a she-wolf (Abigail Mac), a hippie flower child, and the keywords facesitting, tribbing, lingerie, and family role-play all factoring in to varying degrees, Red’s not likely to end up being eaten by the wolf, at least not in the traditional sense. There’s plenty of eating going on here, don’t get me wrong, but the finale, which boasts O’Neil, Mac, Lust, and Klein in one giant, sweaty, heaving pile of sapphic carnality, has so much more in store for GirlsWay’s devoted members and, if you’re into all-girl ecstasy, you too.

GirlsWay review

Pornington Post’s Bipartisan Porn Parodies

Pornington Post

Appearing out of nowhere earlier today in the form of an AVN press release and the occupation of url, a brand new parody and satire site entered the adult fray, bringing to a fucking head the frustrations of many Americans welling up over this utterly insane election season. Whether you’re committed to one candidate or the other, or consider them both woefully unfit for office, you must’ve noticed the lack of biting porn satires of Hillary Clinton’s and Donald Trump’s respective careers, campaigns, and personal failings. Now that Trump brought pussy into the conversation, Pornington Post aims to ensure nobody involved in this year’s Presidential race leaves unstained by the mighty comedic jism of the porn parody.

Hosting only three original scenes at present (and filling the dead space with barely-related celebrity culture spoofs), Pornington Post’s intentions are unclear. There’s no sign-up page to part you with your money yet there’s Nina Hartley as Hillary, and there’s Evan Stone wearing a Make America Great Again cap standing next to his “daughter” Ivanka, played by sly-eyed blonde Blair Williams. Ivanka doesn’t waste any alone time, masturbating with a bobble head avatar of dear old dad as she listens to his stump speech rhetoric. Viewers can easily expect the third debate to be the focus of another scene or two, one including seeing former VP nominee Sarah Palin once again pornified in what’s being touted as a “squirt board” scene co-starring Kim Jong Un.

When Pornington Post claims to guarantee “controversial, politically incorrect and outrageously provocative” porn, it really isn’t kidding. And still, unlike our two Presidential candidates, I can’t find an obvious price tag anywhere…