Gone, But Not Forgotten: Porn’s 2014 Retirees

2014's retired pornstars

As one year closes and another dawns, and as a genuine legend of porn and one of the most memorable mainstream crossover successes in recent years retires (that’d be Lisa Ann), it’s well worth remembering the handful of other adult performers, women specifically, who for whatever reason decided 2014 would see the end of their porn careers and, as far as we forward-looking porn fans are concerned, the end of each of them as we know it. (Save those heading for self-employment through webcam, bless them!) Adult performers hanging up their bedazzled thongs this year included the following five Mr. Pink’s faves:

Evelyn Lin: now hosting club nights at various, uh, nightclubs around North America.

Holly Michaels: engaged, she left porn and, if her Amazon Wish List is any indication, might have started a family!

Mischa Brooks: quietly stopped working and announced her retirement from “adult” with assurances that we’d “see her soon” – whatever that means.

Alina Li: after a bad experience with a certain notoriously edgy BDSM studio, would prefer to wait tables at this point.

Abella Anderson: in business for herself and now selling swimwear, makeup, and prints of her fine self at Alluring Star; she also performs live on Camster.

Hey, at least ass-tastic Jynx Maze, who apparently retired earlier this year, is back in action! Hopefully she’ll inspire some bold and adventurous newcomers to enter porn and fill the void left by the above dear departed stars.

Check out some of Mr. Pink’s  favorite pornstars (retired and active) at Evil Angel

Spend the New Year with Tori Black

tori black webcam

As I head out for sufficient supplies to ensure tonight is a New Year’s Eve to remember – alcohol, party hats, a four-channel power amplifier, prophylactics, more alcohol, six bags of Brite Crawlers, some “herbal supplements”, a little more alcohol, and my date, of course – let me leave those of you without plans something to get excited about: ringing in the New Year with the one, the only, the unstoppably sexy Tori Black.

Part of Porn.com’s regular #FreeCamFridays program, Ms. Black’s live webcam appearance this coming Friday, January 2nd (at 6pm PST) gives you a chance to party down with one of porn’s most desired and revered women, all through the miracle of webcam video sharing. Porn.com cam manager Jack T. speaks very highly of the star, calling her “the world’s arguably most popular pornstar,” adding “I can’t think of a better way to start off the New Year.” As a free show, anyone over the age of 18 can enter Black’s chat room to observe and engage with the star, who’ll be taking time away from her blossoming family to cement some bread-and-butter relationships with fans. Devoted admirers after more intimate interactions will be able to take Ms. Black into private and group shows by purchasing tokens, which can (and should) also be used to tip the multi-award-winning performer.

And for those of us to whom New Year’s Eve delivers nothing but drunken buffoonery and romantic disappointment (even with Tori Black’s involvement) there’s plenty of archived holiday-themed pornstar cam shows ready to roll. Lexi Belle’s Halloween Happening or Allie Haze’s Milky White Christmas, anyone?

Ain’t Dead Yet: XXX Parodies Still Kicking

Anyone who has sat and watched their favorite show’s entire run with back-to-back episodes in a single Netflix binge will know how devoted we can be to pop-culture in all its forms. Porn parodies, although fading from relevance thanks to more current trends – like the American adult industry and its fans collectively cumming in their trousers the current (and kinda creepy) pseudo-incest craze – are still something of a hot commodity in the adult entertainment world. So much so that Sex.com blogger Chico Dusty has come up with a list of his Top Ten Porn Parodies of 2014 to remind us all that there’s still life left in the old genre yet.

rambone bonnie rotten

DreamZone Entertainment seems to be coming out on top this year, at least according to Dusty, who ranks The Little Spermaid (dir: Jordan Septo), Cape Fear XXX (dir: Bonnie Rotten), and Rambone XXX: A DreamZone Porn Parody (dir: Septo). Axel Braun hasn’t fallen from his spot as the leading porn parody director and 2014 saw him release Spider-Man XXX 2, Cinderella XXX, and This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX for Vivid, Wicked, and Hustler respectively. (For Dusty’s complete top ten – what, no love for One Flew Over the Cuckold’s Next, really?)

Although unique entries like Miley May’s first cover feature, the Miley Cyrus-spoofing Molly’s Wrecking Ballz and and Not Jersey Boys XXX (a genuine porn parody musical) made for some interesting viewing, most of the parodies included in Dusty’s list fit the usual bill: superheroes, perverted takes on Disney characters, and two Scorsese movies lampooned in a most lusty style. Fun, sure, but not exactly ground-breaking.

Are porn parodies growing stale or are they gradually getting better, bolder, and more outrageous? Perhaps 2015 will hold the answer, but if Axel Braun’s got anything to say about it it’ll be all spandex sporting sexual spoofs of waning interest to so many porn fans. Is pseudo-incest set to burst into the mainstream the way parodies did a few years back? Will they take over as porn virgins’ first viewings or is something else, something even more risque and tantalizingly taboo on the horizon?

Whatever the case, whether it shuffles off to let pseudo-taboo themes take center-stage or is reinvigorated by new talent and new ideas, 2015 is going to be an interesting year for parody porn.

Check out Adult DVD Empire Unlimited and VideoBox for more Porn Parodies.

Dear World, Goodbye! – Lisa Ann

Pornstars seem to be retiring left, right, and center these days and the departures in the last two years of legend Jenna Haze and legend-in-the-making Alina Li, it can feel like we’re losing superstar after superstar. Then comes a retirement announcement from a star so prolific and popular that it sends shockwaves through the entertainment world, adult and otherwise, leaving fans and followers to wonder where their pornographic future is headed without the one and only reigning MILF supreme, ol’ “Nailin’ Paylin” herself, Lisa Ann.

lisa ann

Taking to Facebook on Monday to announce her impending retirement directly to her fans, Ms. Ann, an AVN Hall-of-Famer with over 400 titles to her credit, said she was finished with this phase of her life and career and will be effectively retired from porn work come January 1st of the new year. This from a woman who really has done everything porn has to offer. After starting her on-screen career in 1993, Ann quit only four years in due to an AIDS scare. Returning first as an agent and then as a performer in 2006, Ann went from strength to strength, earning herself a reputation for being the most dynamic and desirable ‘mature’ performer in U.S. porn. Grabbing national headlines with her portrayal of 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in Hustler’s ‘Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?’ only increased the superstar’s notoriety and led to her acceptance into the ranks of porn’s few genuine crossover stars. Now with her own show on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio proving to fans (of fucking and football) that she’s as observant about sports as she has been about the porn world.

According to Ann’s handwritten letter, it’s fantasy football that will keep Lisa Ann in the public eye from now on as she devotes herself to regular Monday broadcasts of Lisa Ann Does Fantasy for SiriusXM and aims to become a bigger part of their operation. Football might not be the first thing that comes to a man’s mind upon seeing this woman, but Lisa Ann is arguably one of the most prominent fantasy football personalities around today, at least to certain kinds of fans. (And, hey, she’s already been very publicly banging at least one football stud, Notre Dame wide receiver Justin Brent.)

You can read Lisa Ann’s full ten-page retirement announcement on her official Facebook page and listen to her discuss her plans on SiriusXM’s Soundcloud page. Be sure to catch Lisa Ann Does Fantasy every Monday at 10pm ET on SiriusXM radio and keep a keen eye on Ms. Ann’s Twitter feed so as not to miss a single iota of her remaining adult work before she shuffles off to the land of off-screen sex and making men’s dreams come true in a totally different industry.

Lisa Ann – Evil Angel

Beatin’ on a Budget! with Team Skeet

In the days leading up to the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa season, saving money is on everyone’s mind. Whether lining up for early morning Black Friday retail chaos or scouring the Internet for the best online bargains, there’s many, many ways to shop well and save a decent chunk of change, perhaps to spend on yourself. So, what Christmas present will you be buying yourself this year? One filled with nubile sluts, drooling deep-throaters, exotic black and Latina babes, and the newest inductees into porn’s ranks of 2014 rookies? Oh good, I see you’re familiar with Team Skeet then!

team skeet

Skeeters (as I like to call ‘em) are folks devoted to 19-site porn network Team Skeet, folks who usually pay $28.97-a-month for access to this teen-heavy sexual playground. And now, just in time for the holidays (when you’ll no doubt jump ship from family room to den/garage/car for a little sanity), Team Skeet is inviting anyone who’s never indulged to do so for a pretty paltry price: $9.87-a-month!

“Hey, Pink? What would I get get if I was one of these ‘Skeeters’ you speak of?” Well, buddy, Team Skeet is home to 19 websites – Exxxtra Small, Innocent High, Teen Pies, Teen Curves, She’s New, Teens Do Porn, Lust HD, Step Siblings, POV Life, Rub-a-Teen, The Real Workout, This Girl Sucks, Teens Love Money, Oye Loca, Teeny Black, Titty Attack, Her Freshman Year, Self Desire, and Solo Interviews – and they serve up all kinds of powerfully explicit sex acts in dazzling High Definition videos, many updating weekly. Sure, some of the sites are no longer updating at all, but this is network porn we’re talking about – that’s always the case! The Team Skeet model roster is as impressive as the network is large – 1,765 scenes at writing and five-to-seven new ones arriving weekly – and features such dazzling dick-wranglers as American cuties Riley Reid and Ali Rae, Chinese Alina Li, African-American babes Ashton Devine and Chanel Heart, and promising newcomers Ava Taylor, Halle Von, and Dakota James. With ladies like these working their magic on the Team Skeet small screen, the origins of this network’s name are no mystery, that’s for sure.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The Math:
At the introductory price of only $9.87-a-month, Team Skeet has never been more affordable or irresistible. The 19 Team Skeet sites work out to individually cost less than 52¢, an amazing price even for the oddly included European sites Lust HD and Rub-a-Teen. With 1,765 scenes online, it’s clear Skeeters have plenty to ogle, admire, and enjoy here and at a great price, too: individual scenes cost an astonishing .005¢ each! Truly Team Skeet has gone bonkers for bargains this holiday period, either that or they’re all skeeted out and simply acting irrationally. Hey, all the better for us, right?

One tip before you rush off and get yourself into some skeetastic trouble, though: under this promotion Team Skeet memberships automatically rebills at close to full price ($24.87). You’re getting one month of Team Skeet’s treasures for less than ten bucks, but keep an eye on your end-date if you don’t wanna get hit with a twenty-five-dollar charge… although, even at that price, Team Skeet’s well worth it.

Mr. Pink’s Team skeet review