TSA Saves Airline Passengers from Huge Dick

A rather odd tale of air travel security popped up on Huffington Post this week, telling of a man who was temporarily detained and question by TSA agents after they detected an abnormal, uh, package in his trousers.

Jonah Flacon

Brooklyn’s Jonah Falcon, an actor with uncredited roles in such films as Death to Smoochy, City by the Sea, The Good Shepherd, and A Beautiful Mind, was slowly making his way through a security checkpoint at San Francisco International Airport on July 9th when a TSA agent noticed the prominent bulge in his pants and decided it was time to pull out that ol’ “Sir, that cock is weapon,” line. Only the agent was unaware of who he was dealing with. Falcon is, after all, the owner of the world’s largest recorded penis. At 13.5″, Falcon’s member was even large enough to cause the rumor mill to falsely claim his father was none other than porn legend, John Holmes.

Falcon told HuffPo that he had packed his own belongings carefully “to the left” and that he wasn’t erect “at the time”. After an agent inquired as to the contents of his pockets, Falcon admitted that they were empty. The next step was to haul Falcon and his hidden anatomical marvel into an x-ray body scanner and through a metal detector. Still puzzled, another agent of the TSA asked Falcon if he had some kind of abnormal growth. The agents even applied some powder to Falcon’s pants in order to detect whether or not the mysterious package was of a threatening nature. Eventually giving up the search for answers, the agents set Falcon off to his gate, where he made his flight without delay.

Now, this could be a thoroughly embarrassing situation for any number of reasons, but for Falcon, it was a laughable affair and a lesson he’ll take with him on all future travels. “I’m just gonna wear bike shorts from now on,” he said. “That way they’ll know. You’d think the San Francisco TSA would have had experience with hung guys before, but I guess not.”

Leave a Reply