Beating-Off Down Under: It’s Hard to Do

As we sit here comfortably in “the land of the free and all that jazz,” our fellow porn-lovers living in that haven of surfers, slackers, and undervalued 70s, 80s, and 90s rock ‘n’ roll bands known as The Land Down Under are struggling for even the most basic modern age access to pornography. David Thodey, CEO of Telstra, Australia’s leading telecommunications company, announced on April 11 that the company’s BigPond online entertainment and news service will cease offering its remarkably mild and seriously softcore ‘glamour content’ due to customer complaints (“It objectifies women!”) and pressure from anti-porn activist group Collective Shout. Calling Telstra “Australia’s largest family company,” Thodey announced that although more explicit content is readily available at video rental and retail stores across the country and that none of the BigPond-hosted ‘glamour’ content was classified R 18+ (restricted to adults only), he has personally decide to withdraw the “offending” articles, which he calls “sexist” and “inconsistent with [Telstra’s] core values.”

So, listen up, Australian Mr. Pink’s readers and anyone anywhere in the world who gives a shit about the rights of adults to consume whatever legal entertainment media they wish, before you go supporting a telecommunications company, remember the argument that David Thodey, like so many other corporate pontificators all over the world, has resorted to in order to justify his actions: “It’s just not the Telstra thing to do.”

Oh well, at least Aussies can still beat-off by the roadside to racy billboards like this totally-not-sexist one for a low-carb protein bar.

Australian Billboard

Audrey’s Booty’s Back

Audrey HollanderFor what was starting to seem like an endless winter, Audrey Hollander, the soft-spoken redhead who seemed determined to shove every object known to man upside her anus, appeared to be on hiatus from her porn career, if not retired altogether. Having divorced her husband Otto Bauer, Audrey apparently decided to gain some perspective by stepping back from the industry that she had set ablaze with her trademark rough, frenetic anal penetration scenes. Now, with a sassy new hairdo and a recharged sexual energy, Audrey comes hurtling back to porn with one of her most powerful scenes yet.

As Audrey Hollander became synonymous with supremely rough hardcore sex, it shouldn’t surprise her fans to discover that she quietly launched her on a Kink dot com website, in a late February scene on Bound Gangbangs specifically. Thrust into a bedroom set and pounced upon by four guys – or maybe five; it can be hard to tell in all the confusion – Audrey is, in the words of Kink’s wordsmith, “brutally manhandled…gets two dicks in her ass, then two dicks in her pussy while in bondage!!!” Yup, true to the sites premise, Audrey spends almost the entire scene with both sets of limbs bound together or to her torso or to each other with thick rope, and somehow manages to cover role-play, bondage, double penetrations both vaginal and anal, fisting (in both all three orifices), spitting, slapping, breast abuse, choking and gagging, and messy semenal deposits both inside her and on her pale, freckled face and chest. Wow!

Such a potent scene would scare of most beautiful young pornstar women, regardless of their dedication to their work, but, as is her M.O., Audrey takes it all in stride and even ends the scene by promising she’ll be back for more. Oh, and if you’re bummed you can’t check out Audrey’s astonishingly brutal return without a Bound Gangbangs members, don’t be; like those on all Kink websites, this scene is also available to stream or download through the network’s pay-per-view system. Is that music to a hardcore lover’s ears or what?

Pubes On My Privates

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink;

I have a question that maybe a few other guys out there would like to ask. My girlfriend keeps her pussy shaved, which I get so turned on by, and I’m glad she does it. But, every time we shower together, she wants to take a razor to my balls and pubic area, telling me she wants to see me as bare, down there, as she is. I always find a way to avoid the act, usually by making love to her under the water, even though I realize, the next time will be the same thing. I really want to make her as happy as she makes me, but, the thought of shaving my privates doesn’t really excite me, I’m not sure what has me avoiding it, but, I do. Should I just tell her once and for all “No,” or, should I consider doing it?

Pubes On My Privates

Dear Pubes;

Being a little bit older, I remember the time when nearly everyone still had all of their hair intact, that’s just the way it was. Suddenly the disposable razors were sliding across those nether regions and leaving the skin silky smooth, well, ok, maybe a few red bumps here and there for the first few times, and a new fad had been born. It amazes me how to find a woman (or man) that is still furry, is considered a fetish now.

This topic definitely bridges between genders. Think about the fact that as soon as we were old enough and had permission from our Mom to do so, we began shaving our legs and under our arms, we couldn’t wait to do it, it was like a milestone into being grown up and womanly. There was something so invigorating about it, and to this day, I still enjoy rubbing lotion over my smooth legs, it’s just an arousing feeling. Since we were basically raised with the belief that hair be gone was the best way to go, it was only natural to keep that razor sliding to whisk away all whiskers, including the pubic area. Speaking as a woman, there’s a cleanliness that goes with it that makes us feel as if we’re fresher to offer you men….your midnight snack.

If you remember performing oral sex to the full, hairy state of your partner’s vagina, you’ll recall having to nearly part the hair to get to the chewy center, well, it’s the same for us. Men enjoy the deepthroat action when being blown, but there’s something about having our face in the midst of a forest of follicles that can sometimes be disappointing to us. There’s nothing worse than being totally in the mood, happy to give the blowjob, only to feel a curly hair sliding across our tongue, heading down our throat…in fact, that may be where spitting instead of swallowing began!

What may be causing you to avoid shaving are a couple of things, maybe your buddies will notice while you’re in the locker room and give you a bit of buddy teasing about your bare testicles, or, could it be the thought of the itching sensation when it starts to grow back that will leave you wanting to find secluded areas to slip into for a quick scratch. Well, whatever the cause, keep in mind, that if you don’t like it, it will again become your boner bush you’ve grown fond of, and the itching may just be a bit of a turn on through the day, after all, any sensation in that area can bring an erection for most guys. Who knows, you might just like the look and feel of it, and if that’s the case, it will give you and your girlfriend another act of intimacy to share, shaving one another can be a major turn on.

So, warm up the lather, grab a new razor and by all means, make sure your hands aren’t trembling!!

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